I Can't Even Tell You How Much My Mom Rocks!

Seriously: My mom rocks. Yes. We all know I feel this way. But man, when your mom is just the bomb diggity, how in the world can you ever hope to repay her?

My dad has been sick lately. It's nasty and unfun in the details so I won't post them to the general masses here. He has been sick, on meds and VERY uncomfortable for weeks now. When dad (or mom) isn't well, I keep my little family away. Not because I'm afraid I'll catch anything. But to give them their recovery space. When I'm sick, the last thing I want is to have to keep up with someone else's energetic kids!

Then I got sick over a week ago. And mine is contagious. So now I'm staying away from them for THEIR sakes. Which is a bummer for everyone because they love my boys, my boys love them and I love being around them.

Today was my 2nd venture to the doctor. I went from bad sinus congestion (ambiguous virus - one of many going around) to nasty bronchitis in a matter of 3 days. As I came home from the doc, my sinuses were giving me quite a pounding in the head. I picked up my boys and went to CVS to get my scrip filled. The headache was getting worse. But you know, it's sinus congestion and it gets painful sometimes.

By the time I returned from CVS, the headache had gone into "Hey, maybe this is a migraine" mode. I popped the migraine meds but apparently missed my window. I had barely gotten the boys' mac & cheese prepared and I was running upstairs to shove my head in the toilet. After washing up (and noticing I was completely devoid of color), I headed back down to slop the kids. As soon as I saw and smelled the food, however, it was round two. I was barely able to toss the mac & cheese in two bowls and yell to Pokemon Boy to get it on the table for him and his brother. After round two of the puke fest (complete with feeling like my head would explode with each turn of the stomach), I made it to my bed, called mom and whimpered my plea.

Mom showed up in about 10 minutes. The boys were surprised but she explained that their mom had a headache that makes her throw up and she was there to get them into bed.

I laid in bed in complete darkness with a pillow over my head asking God to protect my mom from any contagion in the house. And then I thought I heard crying. I made it into Pokemon Boy's room to find him crying. He had forgotten that tomorrow was my birthday. Therefore, he had not made/bought anything for me in time. And he was crushed. Because (as he informed us), I always get such great presents for HIM on his birthday. HE wanted to do something just as awesome for ME.

Oh man. My mom and I both talked him down for quite a while. There is just no way to explain to a 9 yr old that birthday presents or birthdays in general are less important to you when you're 44.

Pokemon Boy went to bed still sniffing and snuffling. Mom shooed me back to bed and went downstairs to "clean up a bit". For any of you who know her or her family, you realize that my kitchen is completely spotless now. I think she would have put the toys away in the living room, too, had I not come down to tell her to get back home.

She sent me off to bed and told me she was going to leave me something special to wake up to in the morning. I think she did this more for Pokemon Boy than for me. But I listened to her puttering around down here for about 30 minutes or more. I came down to post this. But I left the kitchen dark. I didn't really look because I want to leave the surprise she intended.

But man. My mom knows this house might have a virus or who knows what. And my dad is still not 100%. But when her 44 yr old baby called, she didn't even bat an eye. She high tailed it over here.

I love my parents so much. There is no way on earth I'll ever be able to repay all that she has done for me over my life time. But I can keep thanking God for them. And I can keep asking him to bless them beyond anything they can imagine. I guess all I can do is pay it forward to my boys. And my friends.

Thank you, mom. And thanks, dad, for giving up your nurse for the evening.

----

OH - and as an addendum! TJ texted me tonight. She will be released to go home tomorrow. That's all I know. But how cool a birthday present is THAT?!

A Halloween Diversion

For those of you that don't already read my friend Beck's blog, I have a treat for you. Beck is an amazing writer and mom (I've asked her repeatedly to adopt me). For Halloween, she has been putting a dark spin on some classic children's stories. They just keep getting better and better and freakier and freakier. Here are links to her first six:

Halloween Story #1
Halloween Story #2
Halloween Story #3
Halloween Story #4
Halloween Story #5
Halloween Story #6
[Edited to add subsequent stories. I'll keep adding them here as she writes them.]
Halloween Story #7
Halloween Story #8
Halloween Story #9

Enjoy!

More Prayers for TJ Please

I just got a text message from TJ. It just said,

"Just readmitted. More critical. Will probably be unavailable for a bit. More prayers please."

There you go, my wonderful praying friends. More prayers, please.

TJ is Home!

Just got a call from TJ. She came home from the hospital today. It sounds like all the doctors are in agreement and that she has a rare disease that she picked up from her caving. She didn't have medical terms or names for me. But she said it's rare enough where they'll have to consult with other specialists to determine the course of treatment.

So the good news is, this is not autoimmune or something deadly. She said that news was a God-send. She's home on a bunch of antibiotics and other meds. She still sounds winded but in great spirits. Her Facebook entries still have her crazy humor. So I know she's doing better!

While all of this news gives everyone relief, she is still in rough shape. I just started a cold or some such sinus thing so I can't go near her. GAH! But I can offer to bring her family stuff or to cover her duties as a school volunteer. I just want to go sit on the couch with her, though. Oh well. We said we'll have to settle for sending each other silly text messages and pictures over the phone.

Thank you ALL for your prayers. She knows she has been hugely covered through this. I'm sure that has helped. Continued prayer for her comfort and recovery are welcome. Your collective faith is amazing and I love being able to count on it!

Update on TJ

Over the weekend, TJ was admitted to a local hospital. The pain and discomfort was just becoming too much to handle at home. I've talked to her a few times and her spirits are as up as can be. She has her little NetBook at the hospital and is keeping touch through email and Facebook.

Today, they are going to scope her lungs. Which means a camera down the throat and into the lungs. I have heard this is not a pleasant procedure. I have no idea what time she's having this. She may be done already for all I know.

They are hoping that the scope will give them an idea of what this is. One theory is that she picked up some kind of mold or fungus from some caving she does. Just hard to say at this point.

Thanks for all of the emails and comments for her. I will share them with her once I have a chance. Your prayers are welcome and I thank you guys for your faith and prayers for strangers. You all rock.

4:11pm update:
I called TJ's hospital room and she had just returned from the biopsy. So the scope turned into a biopsy. I don't know much more than that. But hopefully the biopsy will tell them something. She was sore and exhausted (I can't imagine!) but in good spirits.

Prayer Request

For all of my praying bloggers, please pray for my pal TJ. She's the mom of two boys that are great friends with my boys. She is one of those always-there-for-you friends. She lets me be as imperfect or goofy as I need to be. She makes me laugh until I need adult diapers and she has let me cry rivers of snot all over her t-shirt.

You get the picture.

Anyway, TJ has been coughing for a while. This week, it has progressed to extreme pain and coughing up blood. The CT scan shows hemorrhaging in her lungs. Right now, it's very early in this discovery. The doctors haven't seen this before. They don't know what it is. It's a giant question mark. She is young and usually healthy. With such extreme symptoms, you can imagine where her mind (and the minds of her loved ones) are going.

I'm praying huge. I'm asking for any prayer you all feel led to send up.

Thank you for your faith and prayers.

...And Did I Mention My Church ROCKS?

Last Sunday, I approached one of our head pastors (our head pastors are a married couple and I adore them both). I related a particular struggle I was having that I won't bore you with here. Suffice it to say, it is a very hard thing to cut all of the myriad of connections from a 17 yr long relationship.

Both pastors Kenny & Michelle have walked this long divorce path with me. They have prayed from a distance. They have prayed right over me. They have both endured fountains of tears from me. They have cheered me on as God pulled me up onto my feet. They have loved on my boys. They are just awesome.

So I related my current struggle to Michelle. She went home and talked to Kenny. Then, today, she met me at a local coffee joint (no, not that Coffee Joint) and sat talking with me for about 3 hours. It was so nice. She is one of the Safety Zone people at my church. You know, one of the people you know you can say anything to and they totally know where you're coming from. I rarely have to worry about how something will sound. She's so open, loving and forgiving. She lets me talk. She gives me her thoughts. We exchange ideas. We jump off and on subject. And it doesn't phase either one of us.

Being a pastor is hard hard work. It's a huge sacrifice. I can't imagine how they pull it off. And yet she offered up 3 hours of her day for me today. To guide and encourage. To be my sounding board. To listen and laugh. What a wonderful wonderful way to serve.

I could write blog entries on how uniquely special so many of my church family members are to me. But today, Michelle gave me a real gift. Because who in this world ever offers up 3 hours of their time to one other person? Pretty awesome.

Yah. My church rocks.

Dumb Ol' Divorce

You know, I posted so many entries during the whole divorce thing. This was my outlet and lifeline of sorts back then. I don't post much about it these days because A) it hasn't been running my life lately, B) it's hard to keep entries from turning into an ugly bitch session and C) I don't really think about it much.

But I'm going to post this because A) it's about Pokemon Boy and B) I'm kind of looking for feedback. Bare with me. I will ramble a bit here.

And by "kind of looking for feedback", I mean, I want feedback that comes from a place of love and encouragement. If the only thoughts that come into your head are of bashing The Ex, I get that. But keep them to yourself. That's all I ask.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was standing at church having a conversation with someone about how cool it had been that The Ex had traveled all the way down here for Pokemon Boy's baptism. I guess I was commenting on the distance and didn't realize Pokemon Boy was nearby. He suddenly said, "But mom, YOU'RE the one that took us away from dad." Gah? I was really at a loss. All I said was, "Let's talk about this later." And I never got around to it.

Yesterday, we were driving home from church and Pokemon Boy asked me "Do you think it would be hard to live without your kids?" I wasn't sure where he was going with this. "I'd find it almost impossible to live without you guys," I replied. But then I asked if he meant when he got old enough, he'd move out. And he said, "No, like right now. If we didn't live with you." So I told him how I'd be incredibly sad without them and figured we were moving on to a topic of death or other tragedies. Nope. "Yah," he continued, "that must be how dad feels."

Oh boy.

It's very hard for me, this line of conversation. Right now, the boys have glorified their dad into this sad, lonely victim. I have to put on the strong face and keep everything moving. I am the present parent and disciplinarian. Therefore, I am the unfun parent. I also think that, since I am no longer moping around and lost, it might appear that I don't care about any of this. Pokemon Boy has made it clear that, when I talk about dad or the divorce, it sounds like I never loved him. Of course he has no idea of the pain I went through or the work I did with God to make it through this broken time and arrive on the other side whole and ok with being single. He doesn't understand that, when I talk about "dad", I have to put on a poker-face and use a very level voice. It doesn't hurt to talk about him any more but for years it did. I can see how my strength - when filtered through a child's sad longing for his dad - would look uncaring and calloused.

It's especially hard because, long story short, their dad chose to pursue another woman. He chose this over the hard choice of staying near and being there for his two children. I think this is the sticking point for almost every person close to this story. Since 2007, my constant prayer has been for God to put true forgiveness in my heart for The Ex and his girl thing. And God is working miracles in that department. But I tell you, the one stumbling block for me is this same issue. He chose the girl thing over his own children. Back in 2007, when he was leaving to move 2000 miles away, I said, "You will break your boys' hearts!" His only reply was that he couldn't break the girl thing's heart. I will never forget that.

So here is my boy. Deeply intelligent. Deeply feeling and sensitive. He sees his dad as lonely and sad. Because when dad visits here, he stays alone in a hotel. And every time he leaves, he cries. When the boys have video calls on the computer, there is a sadness that hangs over their dad. Because I think every time he talks to or sees them, it pulls at his heart. And it damn well should. Unfortunately, the boys see this sadness from their limited perspective and think, Oh poor dad. He's so lonely. Pokemon Boy has said to me on quite a few occasions that maybe he should live with dad for x months and then with me for that long. In my head I reply, "Over my dead cold body, honey." But my mouth usually says something lame and comforting.

During our discussion yesterday, Pokemon Boy really opened up. He keeps it bottled up because he sees how words can hurt someone. He doesn't understand the divorce but he knows I was hurt deeply. He knows daddy stopped loving me and now loves another woman. So he is very careful about what he says to me. He does not like seeing anyone hurt. And he tries very hard to never be the one that brings that hurt. I could see he was about to burst with emotion yesterday. I reassured him he can say anything to me at this point. He can talk about daddy to me, it's ok. I explained that, even if something hurts me, God will take care of it and that I'm here to listen.

Finally it all came flying out. He tried to hold back the crying because he's at that age. But oh man. It came out. Just a jumble of missing daddy. Wishing daddy could live closer. Why did he leave? Why did I let him leave? Why did I let the marriage break up? Why can't daddy come back here? The saddest of all was after that torrent broke. When he was calmer and could think a bit.

He finally confessed - and I could tell it was so hard - that even though he understood "it was mostly dad leaving us," he was still kind of mad at me, too. All I could do was assure him that it was ok to feel that. And to reaffirm that he was right. Even though ultimately daddy left the family and I couldn't stop him, it took both me and dad being imperfect to get to that point.

The one that broke my heart, though...he held it back for a long time. I don't think he wanted to speak it. When he speaks something, that admission makes it a truth. And this was something I could tell he didn't want to be a truth. He looked at me and could barely speak it out. His face was a trembling mess. "I just feel like...well...I don't have a dad."

There it is. All the phone calls and video chats in the world don't make up for a 2000 mile logistical gap. Pokemon Boy's therapist warned The Ex about this. His own family warned him about this. The reality is, you cannot be a Dad from 2000 miles away. You can love. You're still their father. But a Dad is the one who is here, sowing into the kids every day.

I called The Ex and told him as much of the conversation as I could remember. Not to throw it in his face. We both try to communicate all of these hard conversations so we both know where the kids are coming from and are on the same page for when/if it happens again.

So my dilemma is what to say to my boys. Pokemon Boy is the tough one. Lil'Bro, at 5, is the kind that just says, "I miss dad," but doesn't cry and it doesn't seem to occupy his mind often.

We're all fallible humans. I, first amongst the fallible! Our gut instinct is usually not the best option. I have had multiple people advise me in the direction of tell the boys what a jerk their dad is. "Tell them the truth! They need to know and understand it now." The person saying this meant to tell my boys an age appropriate version of the truth but with no buffering. The person saying this has been in my shoes but her ex makes mine look like a saint. She has taken this tact with her daughters. And she did not hold back much. Knowing what her ex has done, I'm not so sure she was wrong to do it. But I do wonder if her daughters will ever be able to fix a relationship with their dad. If he ever turns his life around and isn't a scary danger, will they forgive him?

I can understand this avenue. But at the same time, there's a part of it that feels wrong to me. There is something very real about shredding some one's image - whether they deserve it or not. I think about the Proverbs that talk about honoring your parents. And I remember wondering how in the world someone who has been abused or someone who has absentee addicted parents is supposed to honor their parents. My wonderful pastors suggested that, perhaps if you can't support them in tangible ways, you can honor them by not slandering them. Not smearing their name. Not waving their flags of shame for all the world to see. I think that's a wise thought.

I also wonder, if you give children the whole truth about an imperfect parent, it can scar their view of that parent forever. And if that parent later turns their life around, how does that child now find forgiveness for the parent? I just think of deep personal truths I have held all my life from childhood that are just NOW being challenged as God opens my eyes. Anger I held on to that was born of the immature perspective of a very young kid who didn't have all the information. I'm just now working on shedding some of that.

So if I slam their dad, I don't think I'm being honorable. I have to find truths to tell them. I won't sugar-coat it. But they don't need to know all the intimate horrible details.

The flip side is my human side that doesn't think it's fair that a man who has made all of these awful, hurtful decisions gets to walk away without a scratch on him. He chose to leave his children and now he's a glorified sad victim. He left them yet sits 2000 miles away saying, "Boy, I miss my kids." It's very very hard to be a good person here. There are times when I call him out and hold his feet to the fire. But those are rare. He is quite good at making his own suffering.

I don't have a lot of people around me that have dealt with divorce while really really trying to follow God. So I don't know who to go to. There are a few. And I talk to them as often as possible to get their perspective and see how they've dealt with things. I suspect there are more people who have been touched by divorce around me than I know. It's not exactly a subject lots of people like to talk about. No matter which role you had in the whole story - it's awful.

Last night, once Pokemon Boy had finally calmed down, I prayed over him. And we prayed for daddy. I have been praying for The Ex since this all began. But I hadn't done it in earshot of the boys. That is a mistake I will now rectify. I told them both that I have always prayed for daddy and now I'll make sure I do that with each of them.

Pokemon Boy turned to me and said, "Mom, I hope this never happens to anyone we know."

Amen, my little man. Amen.

Painting Ain't for Sissies

I have had little paint swatch cards hanging on walls all over my house since 2006. The Ex and I had all sorts of colors picked out for each room. We were going to hire some painters to do the whole interior. Well, it's the last quarter of 2009 and I still have little paint swatch cards hanging in all my rooms. Granted I've changed most of the colors because I can tell you, when you pick colors with someone and then he moves in with someone else, yah, you change those colors.

ANYhoo...

Today I painted my downstairs bathroom. Well, powder room. We Americans call anything with a toilet a "bathroom" which makes no sense at all. So sue me. Anyway, since 2006, I've had two dark smoky blue color swatches hanging in there, battling it out for my affections. Two days ago, I took the two swatches to the store and flipped through those paint idea brochures looking for something stunning that looked like either of my choices. I found a "bathroom" picture that was probably some studio because I doubt many people have 400 square foot bathrooms like that. Anyway, the color was perfect and close to my two contenders. I found the sample swatch and it was similar to my two but lighter. Which I think I needed. It's a small bathroom. By all means, yes, let's make it even smaller by painting it some dark blue color!!

So I annoyed the man behind the counter by having the audacity to ask him to possibly mix me up a gallon of "Bleached Denim" paint. Other people seemed to have the same audacity, what with it having a giant 10 foot sign to the effect of "Paint Supply" right over his head. I did feel bad asking him to do what he is apparently expected to do, but not much.

Sarcasm aside, I got my paint and headed home. It's a heady feeling, buying your first can of paint with which you will cover an entire (albeit small) room. Yes, I'm almost 44 and I've never painted a room. I was a renter until I was 39. None of my landlords seemed to be interested in my interior decorating ideas. And since I always liked getting my deposits back, I was happy to leave the beige walls and just make my STUFF be the color.

Today...I painted. I didn't read anything. I didn't ask anyone how to do it. I figure it should be pretty easy. The guy at the store told me that with a good brush [check] and a steady hand [...er...], I should be able to do the edging without painter's tape. After mucking up about a foot of the door jam, yah, I went and pulled out the painters tape. And while I taped all my edges, I thought to myself, "Why would I have listened to a guy who has probably painted for the last 37 years and could edge free-hand and blind folded?!"

I have very high ceilings. Well, when you're 5'3", anything over 6 ft is "high ceilings". I'm pretty sure mine are 9 feet. And ginormous ladders in teensy powder rooms don't really help you reach the whole thing. Because ginormous ladders don't really fit around sinks and toilets. So I got almost everything painted except one big patch up top over the toilet. Pretty sad looking to have 98% done and this one glaring spot.

Don't get me wrong. I have 3 huge extension poles in my garage. Why three, I do not know. Ask The Ex. But I didn't have a roller or anything that screwed onto said extension pole. So I ran to the same store to purchase that flat edger thingy that you can mount on a pole. You know, that flat edger thingy that the 37 yr painting veteran told me I wouldn't need because of my good brush and steady hand? Yah. THAT flat edger thingy. So I got one and was thankful the 37 yr painting veteran wasn't working that night.

So my bathroom is painted. As I sit here, the bathroom fan is still going - attempting to suck out all the fumes (which aren't that bad, I'm happy to report). Everything is back in the bathroom except the ugly mirror I'm trying to replace. I love the color. I want to paint the rest of my house. But I tell you, I'm going to wait. My little swatches of color will remain hanging where they are. Because I tell you, I just painted a tiny little bathroom today and I'm dead. Beat. In pain. That is HARD work. I'm a wuss. I own my wussiness. I will be saving up to pay some 37 yr painting veteran to come paint the other rooms in my house.








Oh - I need to mention that Lil'Bro helped me paint at one point. I had a regular sized roller and a teeny 3 inch wide roller. He saw that as "his size" and insisted. So I gave him a low spot on the wall to work on. I showed him how to get paint on the roller properly and - to his credit - he did an awesome job. And stuck with it for a good 20 - 30 minutes. He really tried hard. It was so cute. He kept stopping and going, "Whew! This is hard!"

Randomosity

Nothing much happening today but thought I'd toss something out here.

Both boys are home sick today - the second sick day for both. We all got flu vaccines last Friday. Lil'Bro developed a low fever over the weekend and felt punky. I've assumed it's a mild reaction to the flu vaccine. And it was on top of his normal allergies. So it has kind of confused us. The combo of the runny/stuffy nose, general punky feeling and low fever sounds like flu. But I kind of think it's more like a low fever from the vaccine on top of sinus junk from allergies.

Pokemon Boy stayed home yesterday as one of his 3 hookie days I allow. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise as he developed intestinal distress and a low fever in the early afternoon. Today, he's got a low fever still, but it's climbing. Other than that, he has no symptoms today. So I think his is vaccine reaction, too.

It's so hard to tell how cautious to be right now. The flu and other viruses that are running around the country are just knocking people off their feet. Everything from H1N1 to regular flu to those anonymous viruses. I think about every 4th person I'm connected to has some kind of illness in their house (or just did).

It's a nice couple of sick days. No puking. They're rather quiet because they're not 100%. Yesterday, we spent some of the day on the floor with a Hotwheels race track set up. We alternated between racing little cars and Bakugan balls. Pretty fun.

Today, Lil'Bro is drawing a comic and Pokemon Boy is working on a chapter story he's been writing (for fun) for a few days now. Lil'Bro is learning how to read/spell in school. So right now, I keep hearing him say, "How do you spell 'aaaaaah!' like you're falling?" Pokemon Boy is being very patient, assisting him with spelling for his comic book.

In other news, I'm hearing from the job I interviewed for that they're checking all my references and background. So I'm hoping that's a good sign. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high but I have to admit, they ARE up!

That's it for now.

Job Hunt

Since being laid off last January, I have luxuriously taken the summer off with my boys. But come this past August, I got down to the job hunt in earnest. I haven't talked about it much here because almost all potential employers Google every potential candidate. And while I've made things like Facebook and others private, this remains open for all the world to see. I have no doubt that most interviewers already knew I was a mom (they're not allowed to ask) and that I am divorced and that I'm a total wise ass and that I love to write run on sentences.

Yesterday, I had the best interview I've had yet. I met the potential hiring manager, two of the people under her, an IT director and the HR manager. All I can say at this point is, I love this company. And everyone I met was incredibly nice and really passionate about the company and its mission. Wow. Haven't heard that in a while!

I should have been terrified and wanting to throw up. I was absolutely calm and excited to go. I didn't break out in a horrid sweat. I didn't fumble my words. I didn't let loose with inappropriate subjects (or at least I think I didn't...). I have about 952 thousand people praying for me. So I knew the peace I had was from God.

I drove there yesterday saying, "Ok God, if this job is for me, please give me the right words and help me to present myself honestly and well. If this job is NOT for me, please just don't let me sound like an idiot!"

After the interviews, I was just stoked. I like this company even more, having met some of its people and seen its facilities. But as I got ready to leave, I told God, "Thank you for such a great interview time! This job seems so awesome and I really want it. But if this isn't the best job you have for me, I'm ok with that. Because this one rocks! So if you have something even better than this one? Yah, I'm ok with that!!!"

So we'll see what God has in store...

Baptism, Texas Style!

Today, Pokemon Boy was baptized. Man, it was SO cool on so many levels. The Ex flew in this weekend just for this baptism. My parents came. Big Sis and Tall Guy came. My neighbors that live behind us came. My little sis from Oklahoma would have been here with her whole family but they had a car break down.

Our little church had 8 people get baptized. We're small. So we don't have a baptismal in the church. So when we're ready to baptize, we pull out the horse trough. Awwww yah! That's how we roll: this is baptism Texas style!

Today was pretty amazing. The worship music was really good. The message today was really cool and very poignant. And then the baptism directly afterward. Even The Ex (a non-believer) said there was something...different. I can't remember his exact words but he said you could feel an electricity in the air. I was a giddy mom so I was feeling pretty awesome. I'm just totally stoked that God touched The Ex's heart today.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of Pokemon Boy getting baptized. [Some from The Ex. And I was wielding a point & shoot and my Blackberry Curve. So these are a mix of formats.]

Pokemon Boy was a bit dubious.

PB had to be talked into the water a bit.

Finally got him kneeling!

Pastors Kenny & Michelle get Pokemon Boy prepared.

Almost ready...

PB was nervous about being submerged.

PB is baptized!!

WOO HOO!!!!

Pastor Kenny applauds while pastor Michelle gives him his towel.

My beautiful baptized boy!

Lil'KungFu

Remember how I told you I was training my body guards? Here's Lil'Bro in his kung fu outfit. Could you DIE?!

Tourette's: To Tell or Not To Tell

A new blogger friend over at Tea & Tourette's just asked me a really good question. I thought I'd answer it here in case any other Tourette's family would find it useful.

The Question:
"Do you / your son / his teacher tell the kids in his class about his TS? My daughter's teacher has suggested we do but I am reluctant until we get advice about everything as we know nothing! We live in a small country town so there are support groups, etc. Any advice for us starting on our journey please?"

My Answer (and I'm never short winded):
This is a tough one. I can tell you what we've done so far and why. I certainly won't tell you that my approach is The Way. It's working for us right now. But you might find a different approach is better for your family.

One suggestion I have is to rent or buy the HBO documentary I Have Tourette's But Tourette's Doesn't Have Me. You can see more about it here. If you Google it, you'll find lots of places to purchase and probably watch a lot of it (I saw YouTube in my Google results but didn't go check it out). I would watch this first before deciding whether to share it with your daughter. I showed it to my son when he was about 7. I wasn't going to show him as I was concerned that some of the more severe cases might make him think that this must be how it will be for him. But he found it on our DVR and asked to view it. So I watched it with him. I think it helped him see that he's not alone and that Tourette's can look so different from kid to kid.

The reason I'm suggesting you watch it is, there is a kid in the documentary that has TS. But during the documentary, you'd never know it. He mentions that he's on meds. But he also chose to share Tourette's with his class. He presented it to his class and allowed them to ask questions. I thought it was a very bold move. I also imagine it fostered a lot of tolerance through information.

Now, what I decided to do with my son is different. Pokemon Boy's TS has been very mild in terms of physical tics. His tics are generally rare enough and small enough that no one really notices them. His anxiety and social issues are the bigger factor to me. But so far, he has blended into normal elementary school life (now in 4th grade) normally. There are some kids who label him "kind of weird" or "different". But he has friends and is pretty well liked and respected in his classes.

I inform all of his teachers and care givers (like summer camp care). I explain the severity (or lack there of) and what they might encounter. I actually don't even like doing this much. Because I feel it can label him and give his teachers expectations. I was tempted to just send him without informing anyone to see if they even notice. I've seen other kids his age that have similar social or emotional issues and they're not diagnosed with TS. But, to be fair to his school, I always inform them.

I have always asked that his teachers keep this information confidential - meaning from the other students. Pokemon Boy is a typical 9 yr old and hates being singled out in any way he finds embarrassing. Since his TS is so mild, I have kept to this course of action. In the back of my mind, I have always thought that, if his TS escalates enough where it begins to affect his socialization, I would encourage him to present his diagnosis to his class like the child in the documentary did.

Now, having said all of this, I don't know if I'm making the right decision. As he gets older, I will most likely present the idea to him of sharing his diagnosis with his friends and classmates. Some of his classmates just think of him as Pokemon Boy. He's silly, very smart and LOVES Pokemon. But I heard one little girl just today refer to him as "one of them." She had been talking about Pokemon Boy and another little boy that goes to their school. I don't know his diagnosis but I do know that he has some kind of emotional issues that affect his social signals and ability to control his actions. Children don't need to know an official diagnosis to know that something is different about someone. Pokemon Boy and this other little boy both have times when they blow their tops. They get upset over some things that don't bother most other kids. And they also let things slide that other kids might go ballistic over. Most kids will have tantrums now and then. But when kids with emotional disorders blow their stack, it's often a bit different. And other kids tune into that difference.

So there is a part of me that thinks, in a perfect world, if Pokemon Boy was able to work up a presentation that was informative and honest, his classmates would all understand him better and be more patient, more accepting. But I also know that there are a few kids that will use this information as a weapon. Any time they feel like pushing his buttons, that's what they'd go for.

Like I said, I don't know that I have taken the perfect stance for us. But it feels right for us at this moment. I take my cues mostly from my son. If he was excited about sharing, I'd be working with his teacher and counselor to have him present to his class and maybe other classes. It's a subject I will probably bring up with him now that I've thought about it and actually put my answer out here in writing. If he decides to take a different path, I will definitely write about it here.

Oktic, my email is in my full profile. If you ever want to ask me anything offline, email me. I'll share just about anything. If you want to ask here, I'll answer here, too. I hope this has helped.

I know you're in another part of the world but the TSA-USA.org website is very useful [I read through almost the whole site within the first 2 weeks of his diagnosis!]. Pokemon Boy enjoyed reading their online news letter written by kids with TS for kids with TS. It's called That Darn Tic. I think it helped him realize he wasn't alone and there were other normal kids out there just like him. Take a look and see if it's something you could share with your daughter.

I also got a lot of books from well meaning relatives. I tried to read each one at first but it overwhelmed and depressed me. Sometimes, the more I read, the more fear that grew in my head. What I did with Pokemon Boy was I just left the kid-level books around. I didn't force them on him. I left them with our other books and one day, I walked in to find him reading them. Sometimes he'd talk about it with me. Sometimes he wouldn't. I would ask about it if I saw him reading it. But I always took my cues from him - whether he wanted to talk about it or not.

Some books he has read:
Hi, I'm Adam
Adam and The Magic Marble
There are way more but those are two I know he read all the way through on his own.

Also, Pokemon Boy is a hugely generous and loving kid. If your daughter would find it useful to write him letters or emails, let me know and we can exchange info. I think he'd really like that. I imagine he'd answer almost any question she might have. And he'd be honest. If he didn't know, he'd say so.

Let me know how I can help.

- Tourette's Mom

My Body Guards

I'm so stoked. Both of my boys are going to try some sports. They've each found one that interests them and they're both different. Lil'Bro will be doing kung fu. Pokemon Boy will try his hand at fencing. I am SO excited about this.

What's the big deal? Well, honestly, it's probably bigger for me than for them.

As a single working mom (well, hopefully I'll be working soon), I have not known where I would find the time to handle the ferrying of my boys to and from sports. I have watched my friends and neighbors taking their kids to soccer, basket ball, football, you name it. I never see these friends any more. And these are two-parent homes. They both work. Then they're up at the crack of dawn on weekends to get to a game. Or they're gone as soon as they get home from work to get to a game. The kids are thriving because of it. So go them! But it's a big sacrifice. The two kids are in different ages so often the family has to divide and conquer. So they don't get family time. They don't get friend/social time. And honestly, some of them seem pretty stressed out. No mom/dad time - alone or together. No date nights. No Chick Nites. Granted, this is just the view from my eyes. But it doesn't look easy even with two parents.

Then there's the money. I watch the fees for uniforms and what have you. It adds up.

So I've sat here thinking, well, my kids will have to find other things to excel in. Pokemon Boy has never shown an interest in sports. He seemed interested in tennis one summer but couldn't stay focused on the lessons. They didn't interest him enough. Lil'Bro shows a natural aptitude for soccer. But I certainly can't get him to the games.

Both boys are currently in an after school program at Lil'Bro's former day care center. This day care offers kung fu lessons to it's preschool kids. It's there on site and no ferrying involved. It's a little more than I can afford. But it's cheaper than if I went to a martial arts school. So when they began to offer it to the after school age kids, Lil'Bro said he wanted to do it. So I'm going to find the money. I've paid for this month and his first lesson is tomorrow.

I had hoped Pokemon Boy would take it, too. I know he tends to miss the meanness that is tossed his direction right now. But as he gets older, I just wish he'd be able to defend himself. Sounds crazy. But honestly, I think every kid should know how to fend off any attack. But Pokemon Boy didn't want to. When he's not engaged, he won't focus. And he'll just waste time and money.

A couple of days ago, we were watching a Disney show, iCarly. It's one of the boys' favorites. I find myself laughing at it more often than not and watch it with them. [I also have a big crush on Carly's older brother, Spencer.] In this particular episode, Spencer goes to a fencing club. When they showed the fencing (obviously stunt doubles), Pokemon Boy said, "Is that a real thing?" I explained how fencing is very real and even an Olympic sport. He was glued to it. He asked me all sorts of questions about do you get hurt, can it kill you, is it fun, etc. So we did some Googling online and found that our town has a fencing club that will start with kids as young as SIX.

Today, I paid for Lil'Bro's first month of kung fu and then signed Pokemon Boy up for a 6 week course in fencing! The fencing won't start until October. But still! I can't wait!

So basically, I'm training a very specialized couple of body guards. You mess with me and you can pick your punishment: fist or blade?

Puke Patrol

This morning is church morning. I got up to the alarm after playing snooze tag. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, fixed my hair, got dressed. I came downstairs to find my two adorable boys already up and playing their Nintendo DSs.

Lil'Bro said his tummy didn't feel good. "Up high or down low?" ask I. If it's down low, it usually just means he needs to sit on the potty for a while. He points up to his neck and chest. "You're probably just hungry." I took the risk and got him some milk. After a few sips, he said, "Oh, it feels better now."

I kept getting ready for church. Then he walks into the bathroom and stoically throws up. Ah good times.

My church friends are on notice and already bailing me out. My awesome friend MissSW is picking up all the church food. I called C.Beth and asked her to be the overseer of food service which she agreed to do even though she's lined up for nursery today. And I called my pastor's wife, the lovely Michelle, so she can cover me singing.

My parents and BigSis had planned a nice after church lunch for today. So it will be without the boys and me. BigSis will watch the boys in the afternoon so I can go teach my first Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class.

And my Lil'Bro - he is so brave. I have to tell you, I don't know any grownups that can puke so calmly, let alone a 5 yr old. He just walked in, lifted the toilet seat and "blyeah". Then he just stands there waiting for the next one. No crying, no whining. None of the noises I make that let the whole world know how awful this is and can't you see I'm SUFFERING?! Even when he was dry heaving. Just calmly heaves. It was astounding to watch. Or maybe I'm just twisted. But I really was amazed as I rubbed his very hot little heaving back.

Pokemon Boy is completely puke-a-phobic. So he has very discreetly taken his DS and gone up to play in his room. He's trying to make it look very nonchalant. But I know A) he hates listening to someone puking and B) he doesn't want to catch whatever it is.

MissSW just picked up all the church food. Lil'Bro is asking for milk and telling me he's very thirsty and hungry. Poor kid. We won't even try ice chips or water for 30 minutes. But he's a brave little guy. He'll make it. And in the mean time, I will refrain from licking doorknobs and stair railings.

A Picture of Sam Dad

Here is a picture I scanned the other day. I was looking at this picture and got to thinking of all my different parents. Thus yesterday's post. So here's a picture to go along with yesterday's post.

I'm assuming this is my dad some time in the 1940s.

Collect All 66! Trade With Your Friends!

One of the interesting things about being in a blended family and being adopted & knowing your birth families is that you often have to qualify which parent you are talking about. This is why:

Father Types:

• Sam Dad is Sam Estes, my adoptive father. He's the first father I ever knew. He is, in my head and heart, my "real" dad. He died in 1977 just before I turned 12. To my kids, he is a collection of photos and they refer to him as Grandpa Sam or Grandpa Estes.
  
• Dad is Hal Jones, my step dad. But I just call him "dad". He became my step-father back in 1978. I think I subjected him to many years of just "Hal" before I finally felt he earned the title of "dad". And earn it, he did! To my kids, he is Grandpa Jones.
  
• Dean, my birth-father. My birth-mom found him for me back in 1986. He went through a period of signing cards as "Uncle Daddy" but it always felt weird to me. "Dad" is a very special term to me. I don't just toss it about. And as much as I loved Dean, he was not "dad". But he was very special to me and I've missed him a lot since his death in 2002. To my kids, he was GranDean.
  
• Bruce, my birth-step-dad. Ha! Bruce is married to my birth-mom. We jokingly came up with his title a long time ago. But normally I just call him Bruce. But to my kids, he is Grandpa Bruce.
  

Mother Types:

• Mom is Rose Jones, my adoptive mom. She's been in my life as long as I have formed memories. She and I are very closely bonded due to all the early hospitalizations as an infant and our constant communication. To my kids, she's Grandma Jones.
• April, my birth-mom. Although I don't have a solid memory of it, she held me for an hour (I think) before she had to relinquish me. I grew up obsessed with finding my "real mom". She found me in 1985, 2 days after my 20th birthday. She is "April" to me but is much more special than just some random woman. We have a very special bond and I'm pretty much her darker-colored clone. To my kids, she's Grandma April (sometimes "Grape").
  

As a kid, I grew up with 5 grandparents as Sam had a step-dad. That step-dad was my main paternal "Grandpa". Sam's real dad was much more peripheral to us.

Once I gained a step-family, I gained 3 more grandparents. And the cool thing about them was, they treated me like their grand kid. I remark on that because I've seen step relatives in the world that can't bring themselves to make that kind of commitment to anyone outside their family.

When my birth-mom found me, both of her parents were alive. So I gained two more grandparents and from then on, I was one of their grand kids. Again, I find that pretty special. They were never uncomfortable with me. They never introduced me as "our recently found bastard grand daughter" or anything. Hahahaha. Oh sorry. Perhaps only I find that funny.

So Pokemon Boy and Lil'Bro have scads of grandparents, one living great grandparent (although when Pokemon Boy was born, he had 3 living great grandparents), innumerable aunts & uncles and a virtual cornucopia of cousins. They've also met more than a hand full of their 2nd cousins on both my and their dad's side of the family. It's nutty. And awesome. And it never ceases to amaze me: the amount of love and support that God has put into our lives.

I don't take it for granted. Well, not often, I hope. Knowing how blended families and adoption reunions can go, I see my huge extended family as the miracle it is.

Pretty cool. Thank you, God.

A Bit of a Scare

Last night, we were sitting in the living room, watching TV and eating orange sections. Suddenly, Pokemon Boy turned to me, eyes wide with panic, making the classic hand movements around his mouth and neck. He was choking.

In an attempt to not drip orange juice on the carpet, he had popped a whole section into his mouth, gave it a couple chomps and swallowed it. It had broken into two sections still connected by some of the surrounding skin-type stuff (I don't know the right word for it). So one section had gone down and one had gotten caught in the back of his throat.

He made some really big gagging motions and I thought he had cleared it. "Did you get it? Can you breathe?" He frantically shook his head "no!". GAH! He kept trying to gag and I could tell he was trying to cough it out. But he couldn't take air IN. After a few more tries, he was still not getting air. I started to stand up to get behind him for the Heimlich. And I tell you, I have never had to perform that on anyone. Let alone on a kid. And my OWN kid.

As I stood, Pokemon Boy started reaching into his mouth. I thought, "Duh! I'm supposed to try a finger sweep first!" He reached in a couple of times and actually pulled out the top-most piece. I think doing that pulled the lower piece up to where his gag reflex could push it out. He got it into his mouth and I said, "Spit it out! Don't worry about the mess. Just spit it out." He coughed it out and then broke down crying.

I was numb. I've taken CPR and Basic Lifesaving so many times. And when other people have needed help, I just go into that "Let's do this thing" mode. But I tell you, when this happened, I just kind of jumbled everything in my head. Denial being the strongest emotion I had to overcome. This can't possibly be happening - a real choking situation with my 9 yr old. It happens to babies and old people.

Pokemon Boy cried for a good while. He told me that he really had thought he might die and had never been that terrified in his life. The whole event probably lasted a minute - possibly two. Probably not even that long. But if you've ever not been able to breathe - for whatever reason - you know that 30 seconds feels like 3 hours! And when it's your baby standing there dealing with something like that, it feels longer, too.

I held him a lot. He cried off and on for a while. We prayed and thanked God for keeping Pokemon Boy safe. For keeping him calm enough to have the sense to reach in to his own mouth and clear the obstacle. We just sat there going, "Thank you God! Thank you God!!!!"

After a while, Pokemon Boy asked me, "What if I couldn't have pulled it out of my throat?" I said, "Well, I would have done the Heimlich." I had to show him what that was (not fully). "Well, what if THAT hadn't done it? Then what would you have done?" I told him I would have called 911. He was very stoic and realistic as he flatly declared, "They wouldn't have made it in time." I told him, "They would have saved you. I can tell you that!" I didn't get into details. It's not a place my mind easily goes.

After sitting there together for a while, he calmed down. We were quiet for a time - just holding him against me, silently thanking God. "Mom? Are you going to put this on Facebook?" The question really cracked me up. "Well, I guess that's up to you, buddy." Usually when something happens that makes him this upset, he doesn't want anyone to know. But he said, "You can if you want to." I said, "Well, I would probably blog about it because there's more to it than a status update." He nodded. "Well, you can put it wherever you want to." I smiled to myself. What a funny world where my kid knows that all of our family stories go onto a blog.

So that was our very short-lived moment of terror. Once again, God rockin' the rescue.

Thank you, God. Thank you for my kids.

A Nice Boring Post

Well, the first week of school is done for my boys. And the fact that I have nothing substantial to report is awesome. Because that means that Tourette's hasn't factored into anything this week. YAY!

Things that happened this week:

• I had a 2nd phone interview with an awesome local company I'm really hoping to work for. But I'm leaving it to God. I figure, if I get it? He knows it's the right place for me. If I don't get it? He knows something I don't and is protecting me from a not so great situation.
• I had a cool casual meeting with an IT recruiter that a friend referred me to. She asked me to add a few things to my resume. So hopefully she can help.
• I wrestled with anger issues each time I drove to the school and had to deal with other parents driving in ways that just defied my understanding. I really am at a loss when people block the bus driveway or park on both sides of a narrow street so it becomes a one-way situation or don't follow very strict instructions that were sent home on the first day. It brings out the bouncer in me. I want to get out of my car and start barking like a marine drill sergeant. GAH!
• We had two nights of severe thunderstorms. Only one amounted to any rain so we're still in a drought. But I enjoyed laying in my bed watching the lightening storm from a relative safe spot. One night, I had Pokemon Boy in there. Last night, it was Lil'Bro. Usually they sleep through anything. But each one had a night where they were woken by the storm. If they both wake at the same time, I may have to get a king sized bed! HA!
• Got to have lunch with one of my favorite moms of Lil'Bro's classmate. She's actually the mom of two boys - right around the same ages as my two. All four of our boys really like each other. It's awesome.
• Am wondering how to teach Lil'Bro some assertiveness. Where Pokemon Boy inherited my vocal projection talents, Lil'Bro is whisper quiet when he tries to talk in the classroom. Where PB is an extrovert, LB is shy. Where PB is tenacious, LB will only try once. LB has an awesome teacher. But he's intimidated in trying to make sure she knows his concerns. And his teeny quiet voice doesn't help. I'm sure it will work out. But I've had to send an email to her just so she'd understand one of the little things that was bothering him. Fortunately, she's a doll.
  

That's about it. Nice and uneventful. Tonight, I got to sit on the couch with my boys and a big bowl of popcorn. We watched the computer animated version (2008, I think?) of Horton Hears A Who. It had slapstick, pratfalls and just enough silly to keep them laughing out loud. I had more fun listening to them than watching the movie. Now we're watching PowerPuff Girls and then it's to bed.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

First Day of School

I've been having fun watching all of the first days of school being published on my friends' blogs or Facebook pages. I just put my pix out on Facebook. So now to share HERE.

Last night, it was hard to go to sleep. Pokemon Boy came down only three times. "Did you call me?" "I thought I heard you leaving." "I was just filling my water cup." When I went to bed, I grudgingly set my alarm for 6am. I've had the luxury of sleeping in all summer. And even while looking for work, I've had my alarm set for 7:30. Yah, my life is soooo hard, right? HA!

This morning, I was woken at 5:52am by Lil'Bro. He had just had a bad dream and wanted to climb in bed with me. Really? Eight minutes before the alarm goes off??? But it was sweet cuddling with him.

Both boys got up on time. Lil'Bro is like me and can't eat much in the early morning. Pokemon Boy had a good breakfast. We picked out clothes, brushed teeth, made sure water bottles were in the backpacks and were ready about 10 minutes early. I can tell you, that probably won't be a regular occurrence! I snapped a few pictures out front and then we were off to the school. Early. Because it was gonna be mayhem.
The Boys: Ready for school!
Lil'Bro: The big man starts kindergarten today.
Pokemon Boy: Ready for 4th grade and to guide his little brother.

I'm pretty sure every single parent of every single kid was there today. There were cars parked EVERYwhere. The residential streets surrounding the school had people parked on both sides. Which effectively turned all the streets into one lane roads. So you can imagine how fun it was to try to get OUT of there. I feel sorry for any parent that needed to be at work at a certain time today. Because I can promise you, they were late. Fortunately, we know a crossing guard that lives across from the school. She let us park in her driveway. So we were totally stoked.

We walked into the school and dropped off Lil'Bro first. Pokemon Boy is taking his responsibility of watching out for Lil'Bro very seriously. After today, I will just drop them off and he will walk Lil'Bro to his class. He's ready.

Lil'Bro's teacher, Ms.S is so sweet. We brought a bunch of extra supplies for her and she was thrilled. Lil'Bro's buddy was already there. He hung up his back pack, put up his lunch box and sat down to color. No nerves. No worries. No tears. I got my pictures, said goodbye and left with Pokemon Boy. I must be heartless or something. All the other kinder parents (even experienced ones like me) asked, "Did you cry?!" It never occurred to me to cry. Maybe if Lil'Bro had freaked out, I might have. Nah. I'm totally ok with the school, his teacher, I know the dismissal process. I'm good. I was joking with one parent that, with the first one, yah, I didn't want to leave him that first time. I just kept thinking about all the crazy "what if" scenarios. They'll lose him! They'll be mean to him! Some crazed gunman will take the whole school hostage. But with the second one, I drive up, slow down, pop the car door open and tell them to tuck & roll!!! HA! Ok, maybe not THAT bad. But it's funny, none the less.
Lil'Bro and Ms.S


For Pokemon Boy, this is 4th grade. Last year he tested for the talented & gifted program and was accepted. So this year, he is in a class with a talented & gifted certified teacher. Ms.H is awesome. She's very sweet but I sense that she will only put up with so much silliness. I think that will be the perfect combination for Pokemon Boy. Last night we prayed that God would give Pokemon Boy control over his body and his emotions. And that God would help Pokemon Boy see when someone needed a friend or kind word - to be that friend or give that kind word. So hopefully, that's still on his mind. He seemed happy to be in his class and meet all the kids.
Pokemon Boy & Ms.H


After I dropped them both off, I ran over to say hi to Pokemon Boy's 3rd grade teacher. I tried to find his old 1st grade teacher but the bell rang and I knew they would have some trouble clearing all the parents out of the building. So I skedaddled.

I'm so thankful to live in a peaceful country. To have such a great safe school for my kids. To have friends that staff that school so I know, in a pinch, my boys would have people to turn to.

God rockin' a wonderful community for us. Woo hoo!

And The Answer Is...

So apparently, the answer to my rhetorical tongue-in-cheek wise-ass question from Saturday's post [Is It Wrong...?] is, "It depends."

Having a blog is a very weird thing. Some blogs have a target audience. Some are just open to all comers. Some don't know what they're really shooting for. When I started mine in 2006, I was going to chronicle my battle with weight. I was derailed by Pokemon Boy's diagnosis with Tourette's. And that is when this became Tourette's Mom. I didn't know what I was going to write but it was going to be a place where people could come, read, and see one picture of what life with Tourette's can look like.

In 2007, my original purpose was derailed again. But it wasn't too strange because - thankfully - God has given Pokemon Boy control over his body. So there really wasn't all that much about dealing with Tourette's that I could say. Not on an almost-daily basis. So when The Ex shredded our little family, I used this as one of my lifelines. My regular blogger chick friends came to my rescue. Here and offline. It was pretty shocking to find how big my blogger family was. And how real. It still amazes me.

A few months ago, I linked my Facebook account to this blogger account. That's where the weird began. Well, in my head, anyway. I figured most of my acquaintances on Facebook wouldn't bother reading my blog posts. I was wrong. So once I knew they were reading, I started second guessing what I wrote here. I'm very much a stream of consciousness writer. And then once they started commenting...well, that was a whole other bag of noodles.

Many Facebookers use the online social networking site as a way to share pictures and update their friends and family with what's going on. Look, Bobby took his first step. Oh dear, Suzie has H1N1. Oh cool, I have a job interview. And that's how my account started. I had been a MySpace addict. I hadn't even known there were other social networking sites. My blogger chick pal Jane invited me to Facebook. And I was hooked. More and more of my friends, family, and acquaintances were joining Facebook. So it was fun. I now have regular interaction with both sides of my birth-family where it had been sporadic at best. My extended family (both sides) keep in regular touch which we had previously only done with a Yahoo group email. So now we got to have pictures and jokes. I'm reconnected with childhood friends, high school classmates, college classmates. It's a hoot and lots of fun.

But the majority of Facebookers are like me. They will connect with all sorts of people that were peripherally in their lives. If I can recall any interaction with a person, I usually accept a friend request. If I can't recall, I'll see if we have mutual friends and ask one of mine, "Who is John Smith and why would I know him?" Once a month, I go through my friend list. If I haven't had any contact with that person and/or can't recall any significant interaction with them in my lifetime, I usually disconnect. And most people never say, "Hey, why'd you defriend me?" If they do, I realize they were a lurker (they read but don't leave comments) and add them back in.

For those of the more private ilk, this seems like one of the inner circles of hell. Just ask my BigSis. She'd rather be skinned alive than join anything like Facebook, MySpace, Classmates, Plaxo, [insert any of the myriad of social sites here]. But I'm a social junkie. I love contact of any kind. If you're not outright abusive on my pages, I'm usually lovin' it.

For a while, I hesitated putting anything on my page about my feelings for God/Jesus, my church, etc. I didn't want to be misconstrued as one of those agenda-pushing "religious" types. Because if you know me, I am SO not that person. But after a while, I realized this just falls back into my old habit of putting God behind the curtain, in a closet, in my back pocket. Why should I have to hide any part of my life from anyone? If I'm happy how I am, why can't I just put that out there?

So I got bold. I started putting things like, "My church so totally rocks!" in my status. Or I'd say I was prepping the fruit for church. Or that worship rocked that Sunday. Or whatever. Don't get me wrong. My stupid slapstick humor was still out there. So my "God Rocks!" updates were interspersed with updates like "Men + beer + boob-themed restaurants = stoopid." The point is, I just tended to be my usual self. But my PUBLIC self.

And there is a difference. I will bare my soul here because, most regular readers here are invested somehow. They are a family member, a friend, interested in Tourette's, have a child with special needs, stumbled here and stayed, or were sent here from another blogger friend. My regulars are supportive, funny and kind. Those that come here - for whatever reason - if they stay, they have chosen to. On Facebook, it's kind of an opportunistic captive audience. Most of the people who read my blog posts over there are people that don't know my back story. The context is jumbled. Or, there IS no context.

So, that last post from Saturday - it was a mix of humor & snark. My friend that was the subject has a good sense of humor. His wife is a regular reader here. So I posted that fully knowing she'd read it and probably poke him with it. And here, that is exactly the response I got (see C.Beth's reply to that post).

But in Facebook land, people need to take a stand, make a point, be clever or whatever. So some people laughed along with me. But the other responses to the post made it clear that, no matter how benign I meant that post, in the jumbled context over there, it came across like I'm bitter or don't understand the different roles of moms and dads or was paying into the bumbling-dad stereotype. None of which are true.

So I have decided that I like the separation of Blog and Facebook. I have unlinked my online private me from my online public me. The few friends that found this and are interested can still come here. The lurkers and soap boxers can stay in the public forum.

So, is it wrong to be snarky about a socially charged issue - even when it's tongue in cheek? Well, no. But you have to take what follows.

Is It Wrong...?

Is it wrong that I'm secretly amused when I witness a dad forced to deal with his kids alone in a social setting? Granted he did swimmingly. But he's used to just going about what ever he's doing while his wife deals with the kids. So this just gave me a secret little thrill.

I know. I won't even get a hand basket.

Teachers: Two Thumbs Up

Well, we met both teachers today. My mom got to go with me to the kinder meet & greet. It was very cool. My heart goes out to the first time school parents. For most, it is just such a hard time. It was for me. I faked it well for Pokemon Boy's sake back in 2005. But man, it can be such a hugely paranoid time.

Lil'Bro's teacher is in for quite a ride. There are at least 6 kids in her class from his preschool. Which is odd since there are 10 kinder classes (all full - so like 20 per class!!!). But somehow, he and two of his best pals were placed in the same class. Three others we saw were in different classes. But his teacher seems very sweet. Very attentive. I think he'll have a great year.

Pokemon Boy is in the talented & gifted program. So his class is mostly those kids. His teacher seems like a doll, too. One kid from his summer daycare is in his class. They are both crazy for Pokemon. At one point, his teacher mentioned she needed to be schooled on Pokemon. Both boys offered to educate her. HA! Boy she's in for it now!

I chatted with Pokemon Boy's teacher - just letting her briefly know that his Tourette's isn't physical at the moment. That I'm her partner and will back up what she does and continue it at home. She seemed to know him from the prior year. He is a very outgoing and friendly kid. So almost every staff member we passed called him by name. So I imagine she already has some idea of the kind of kid he is.

We all left feeling very comfortable with the assigned teachers and excited for next week. Once again, God's rockin' the answer to prayer. So yay!!!

Oh, and while we were at kinder meet & greet, I got a phone message about a 2nd phone interview with a company I really want to work for. WOOT! I'll let you know how that goes.

New Teachers

Tomorrow, we have the meet & greet at the elementary school. I'm not worried about Lil'Bro's teacher. He's pretty flexible. I've seen him flourish with different teachers at his preschool. He'll do fine. I'm always curious to see Pokemon Boy's teacher. Even though his Tourette's is very mild, he can still have emotional outbursts that seem to come from nowhere. Teachers that aren't ready to handle this (from any child, actually) worry me.

Last year, he started with one teacher. When I met her, she was nice. But kind of...I dunno...distant. Or walled off. When I told her his Tourette's was mild and she'd probably never see huge physical tics, she almost fell over with relief. That was not a good sign. I never got the sense that she bonded with any of the kids. Pokemon Boy loved her but then, he's a sweet and loyal kid. If the teacher isn't outright mean, he'll love him/her. But I never saw the connection we'd been lucky enough to have with his first and second grade teachers. Mid-year, that 3rd grade teacher "retired" with less than a week's notice. His new teacher was the bomb! Same caliber as his awesome 1st & 2nd grade teachers. She CARED. You could see it in every way she interacted with each kid. When he had bad days, I could tell it just pained her. I could tell all she wanted to do was find a way to help him. She really helped him ride out the 2nd half of the year and flourish even though he had his anxiety and anger issues.

This year, his former 1st grade teacher transferred into our school - as a 4th grade teacher!!! We hoped and hoped and she actually requested him. But alas, 'tis not to be. I don't know who he has. I just know it's not her. Which is too bad because she had a real knack for dealing with him during his meltdowns.

So tomorrow I go to meet his teacher. I've been asking God to send him the perfect teacher. I've been asking that for both boys. I'm not worried. But I will be watching to see how she interacts with Pokemon Boy. And I have to have the conversation I hate having. Making sure she knows about his Tourette's, making sure she understands how it manifests, etc. I hate the conversation because I feel like it kind of dooms him to it. Or I worry that the teacher thinks I'll just excuse any bad behavior from him, chalking it up to his anxiety disorder. But I have to put it in his files. And I want to assure the new teacher that he's on the mild end of the spectrum. And that I'm her partner. I work with her to understand when a "bad day" might be related to Tourette's. And even if it is, sometimes he gets consequences at home. It just depends. So I want the teacher to understand that I'm not hands-off. I'm not expecting her to deal with it all while I wash my hands of it.

I think too much.

Anyway, I'll let you know what I think after I meet the teachers. So far, every teacher I've met at this school is really awesome. So I'm hopeful.

End Of Summer: Blah

So we're almost at the end of summer. Or, depending on the measuring stick, we're DONE with summer.

I took the summer off to hang with the boys. I doubt I'll ever get a 22 yr severance package again. So I pushed my luck and took the summer off - meaning, I didn't look for work. I also kept the boys home from summer camps or day care. So right there I saved myself a good $1300+ a month. I have never been able to spend a whole summer vacation with my kids. So this has been worth it. Pushing the envelope or not. It was worth it.

I started looking for work two weeks ago. So for me, summer ended two weeks ago. Sadness. But oh well. It's been awesome.

And in one week, my boys will head back to school. Pokemon Boy will start 4th grade. Lil'Bro will start kindergarten. Pretty cool. They'll be in the same school but probably won't run into each other. Kinder is downstairs and 4th is up. Their lunch times and recess will be pretty far apart, too. But the knowledge that big brother is there will no doubt help Lil'Bro.

So, as the school year approaches, a part of me wonders how Pokemon Boy will do with his anxieties during this school year. Since he's been back in day care these past two weeks, he's only had a couple of meltdowns. But each one reminds me that the anxiety is still there. And I've noticed a bit of an increase in his facial tics. Nothing horrid. Just the exaggerated blinking, a few head rolls, some shoulder rolls, some suddenly widened eyes. In the grand scheme of Tourette's, these are minor and I know how lucky we are.

I think the increased tics are just stress. He likes day care generally. But he's in the "school aged" group. So ages 5-11. And those older kids, man, they push the limits for me sometimes. Girls are emotionally brutal and boys are physically so. He generally finds nice kids to hang around. But inevitably, there's a clash. And I can't fight it for him.

Recently, a boy at school really taunted him. I was told by another teacher that this boy has some kind of disability. I don't recall what kind. But apparently, he is not always in control of his language or emotions. This was actually explained to Pokemon Boy. He told me he wasn't really mad at the boy since he knew the boy couldn't help it. But it still embarrassed him. We talked about it for a while. During the conversation, I pointed out how hard it is to be "different" at all. And maybe that boy gets a lot of flack from other kids. Or worse, maybe he's ignored. So Pokemon Boy said, "Yah. I have trouble with my anger sometimes. So I know what it's like." We talked about how maybe that boy just needs someone to keep being nice to him. Pokemon Boy went back to school resolved to be nice to him. To make sure he had someone who didn't ignore him or dismiss him as weird. I was pretty proud that he was able to make the connection - to empathize with a boy who might be treated differently because he can't control his emotions. There may be more conflict. But at least I know Pokemon Boy will try his best to give that kid the benefit of the doubt.

This Friday, we find out who the teachers are. Then it's back to school. I'm sure God will rock good teachers for both. And an awesome job for ME!

I HAVE A NEW NIECE!!!!

Last night, I received a text around 4:30am saying my "baby" sister was on her way to the hospital. Around 8am, her hubby called and said, "Listen!" I then heard the cries of a new born baby wondering what all that light and sound is doing disturbing her warm quiet comfort. She was only minutes old. It was SOOOOO awesome.

So welcome little baby MJ. I can't wait to meet you in September!!! I'm told she looks exactly like her older sister LilMissS. And she joins a blended family to be the youngest of five of my gorgeous nieces: MissA, MissK, LilMissK, LilMissS and now LilMissMJ!!!

I had to sit down with pen and paper to figure this out. I now have 23 nieces and nephews. That's from 7 of my 10 siblings and one in-law. And once my youngest brother & sister get old enough, I'll have more, I imagine (no rush, N & A!).

God certainly has rocked the awesome ginormous family for me!!!

YAY MJ!!!!

SERIOUSLY Awesome!!!

I am SOOOOOO stoked! Pokemon Boy has decided to get baptized. Last Sunday, pastor Kenny was talking about how our church will be having a baptism in September. So if anyone was interested, to talk to him. Pokemon Boy said he was interested. I think he said something like, "Can I do that?"

So tonight, after small group, I asked Pokemon Boy if he was still interested. He asked me, "Well...how long do they hold you under there?" I explained it's just a quick under and up. Having cleared that up, he said yes so I told him he should ask pastor Kenny when they could talk about it. Well, Kenny sat down and chatted with him right there! Pokemon Boy wasn't sure what baptism was all about so Kenny explained that it's an outward sign of what's in your heart. That you've accepted Jesus into your heart. So he showed him (using his arm) how the old you dies (dips the arm down showing how it goes down under water) and the new you rises up (raises his arm). Pokemon Boy goes, "...I have to die?" So I said, well, the old you dies - and the new you is you with Jesus. "So I still have the one life, right?" Yup. But now your life is eternal because you've got Jesus in your heart. "Cool! I want to do it right away!"

He's a little bummed he has to wait until the end of September. But he told me in the car that maybe the anticipation will be fun. Of course, Lil’Bro thinks he wants to get baptized, too. I'm not sure he gets it. But I'll let him talk to Kenny. If we both think he really really gets it, I have no problem with it. But we'll see.

Oh - and Pokemon Boy asked Kenny if he could wear goggles [he's just gotten to where he'll go underwater - but only with goggles]. Kenny said he didn't think Jesus would mind if he wore goggles. Gotta love it!

And I've told a few of you this but, in our church? We get baptized in a big horse trough!!! LOVE IT!

Just thought you all would be totally stoked to hear it. WOO HOO!!!

Various Sad Commentaries On My Love Life

These are things recently said by Lil'Bro. Cute but tragic, too.

When The Ex was here for a recent visit with them, we all went out to lunch. As all four of us sat down, Lil'Bro exclaimed for all to hear, "This is so AWESOME! It's like daddy never divorced you. Except he DID!"

After The Ex left to return to his home 1600 miles away: "I wish daddy never divorced you." To which I replied, "I'm sorry bud. But we're ok, right?" And he agreed.

Just now, Lil'Bro was looking through some cool polished stones I have. One is just a glass heart. He pulled it out:
Lil'Bro: Is this from dad?
Me: I suppose it was.
Lil'Bro (sniffing it): It doesn't smell like love. [pauses] Well...it does to YOU.

Nope. It doesn't.