Waiting Well: Wedding of the Decade

This past Saturday, August 16th, 2014, found me an the now former TheEx remarry.  A friend posted a then-and-now picture of our 1996 wedding kiss with the 2014 kiss.

Obviously I need a new moniker for TheEx. Without getting overly fancy, I'm going with TheMan until I think of something better.

I think our wedding is not only representative of the miracle of reconciliation but also of the support system God set up around me.  Let me show you how:

My wonderful mom went with me to the church to figure out the placement of tables and chairs.  It's not a regular shaped venue.  I just couldn't picture the placement of the 18-20 rectangular tables in the space.  She had a vision and was able to show me.  It worked perfectly.

TheEngineer (hubby to the fabulous C.Beth/C.BethCrochet) showed up and helped set up all of the ginormous tables for me and mom.  On his day off.  He rocks.

The lovely Trish and Gwen flew in to represent my Boston church small group from back in 2005. They stayed with my fabulous mom because I knew the three would instantly bond.  Which they did.  Gwen is also a tiny tornado of assistance.  If you've even thought you might need something done, she somehow senses it and is instantly doing!  They helped mom and me set up and decorate the tables for the wedding. They also came into the bride dressing room and prayed over me.

The fabulous ladies from my small group worked with our friend Calli Cupcake to make and ice 200 cupcakes in three amazing flavors.

A last minute discovery at the church was that my skirt (which had to be hiked up under my armpits because it's made for some statuesque Amazonian) now had front slits up to a very not ok region.  So when I walked, way more was going to show than anyone wanted!  Mom retrieved needle and thread from her car and went to work.  At the same time, my friend Heather ran to the local Walmart to grab some white leggins - just in case! So modesty was restored and I could show off my fancy wedding shoes without making anyone blush!

Our wedding plans were all about simplicity. And not spending money on stuff we would just throw away after the wedding.  I didn't want flowers for that reason.  My cupcake brigade ladies weren't ok with that and all chipped in to get me the most gorgeous bouquet and a boutonniere for TheMan.  They surprised me back in the bridal room! What sweet love from my friends.

The ceremony was performed by our pastor and friend Shayne.  He's been part of our story since we joined this church.  So it was special to have him seal the deal!

Our wonderful boys, TheBoy and LilBro walked me down the aisle to their dad.

They had worked out a little skit when Shayne asked them who gave this woman to be married to this man.  They conferred behind me as to the worthiness of their dad for this honor.  They said things like:
    LilBro: "I don't know...he smells kind of funny!"
    TheBoy:  "Yah, he smells like onions and disappointment!"
and
   LilBro: "I think Liam Neeson would be a better choice..."
The finished by coming forward and TheBoy saying, "I'm sorry to say but we can't..." TheMan interrupted them by stepping forward, pulling a $50 bill from his pocket and asking if that could change their minds.  TheBoy quickly snatched the money and said "Yes!  Yes it does!"  We were all dying!

The afore mentioned TheEngineer stood up with TheMan.  My BigSis stood with me.  The boys flanked us.  At one point, Shayne invited our friends to step up and say something about our relationship.  TheEngineer started.  His vulnerable statements and clear emotion had us all choked up.  He spoke of how something had always made him stand up for and love TheMan - even during the very rough years.  His love of TheMan and never wavering friendship is something I will never forget.  I suspect it is a major reason why TheMan really believed in God's love - seeing it lived out in this friendship.

Then his wife C.Beth was next.  She spoke of our friendship.  She got me when she said the reason so many people love and support me is because I love and support so many people.  I have to remember that because I tend to only thing of my snarky side.

Our worship leader and friend Adam (one half of the supremely talented Stone & Crow) handled the video (soft lights flickering on the 3 video screens), playing our wedding playlist, and cuing up the entrance and exit songs.  It's so generous when a friend who is invited to the wedding volunteers to also work that wedding.  He gave us one more thing to not worry about.

During the ceremony, during the 100+ degree heat, the caterer arrived.  Our friend BBQDave left the fun to go help him lug in the food and drinks.  It was not fun or glamorous work but he volunteered and handled it all.  I love him! When we queued up for the receiving line in front of the catered dinner line, a friend informed us that the caterer had forgotten plates and cups.  Three church friends, PJ, Derek and Kaydean, jumped behind the cafe.  PJ immediately grabbed plates and coffee cups and the three of them got the food line going!  Again - I had dropped the ball on the little detail of getting volunteers to serve.  And my friends just jumped in.  I love them so much!  PJ also later announced to everyone that there was plenty of food and everyone who wanted could have seconds.  Or thirds!!!  A bunch of us took a lot of food home. Yum!

My sweet brother-in-law, TallGuy, had to run to Walmart to grab ice.  Another forgotten detail by either me or the caterer.  I don't really know or care.  But he ran and did it.  Goodness!!

So, only due to the quick thinking and willingness of my family and friends to jump in, we became Mr. and Mrs TheMan.

The Forgiven

What's your unforgivable sin? I mean, the one that you could never forgive. I can think of a few that would test my ability to survive.  Most of which I've asked God to never let me be tested in that way.

In 2007, I encountered one at the top of my short-sighted limited list and called a lawyer.  A year later, I stood in front of a judge as he signed my divorce papers.  I stood with the same deer in the headlights look as about 10 other people sitting there waiting their turn.

The majority of my divorce survival, I prayed for different things. Mostly, "God, help me get through this moment, hour, day."  But often I asked him to please put true forgiveness in my heart.  I knew it wouldn't happen solely by my own efforts.  Back then, if you Googled "Hell Hath No Fury", I would swear you'd have found my picture.

God kept me . . . sane, I guess.  When I wasn't attempting to control my fate, he generally kept me from hatred.  He was also good enough to allow me the ugly feelings.  But he didn't let me settle there.

God sent my parents here.  He put me in a very unique neighborhood full of friends that helped (and still do).  Often times, unasked.  He gave me the perfect church of patient people able to nurture me while I remained encapsulated in my pain and struggle, often unable to comprehend that anyone else could be hurting as badly as I was or hurting at all.

During the whole time, God worked on The Ex, too.  Quite frequently, he let me witness it.

In 2010, The Ex returned to my state and town. An answer to many prayers of two awesome boys.  And to many of my own.  But it was hard.  It renewed my pain, anger, resentment and need to see him punished.

He returned to various levels of disdain - not just from me but from those in my world that had stood by me.  His own struggle with guilt and shame was made heavier by the judgment of those that loved me.

God sent some of His True People to The Ex.  My pastors, my music director & his wife, and a couple of other folks from my church.  Many of my friends took their lead from me and allowed themselves to be friendly to him.  Many were surprised to find he wasn't a horrible person.

It has taken almost three years in close proximity but God is rocking real forgiveness.  My parents treat The Ex like family now.  My BigSis and her TallGuy would have been first in line to kick his ass back in the early days of the horror show.  And now they accept him as family, too.  That is some grace right there, I tell yah.

You will be shocked and dismayed to hear that I am not perfect.  Nay, it is so.  Most days, I feel like I have completely forgiven The Ex and can be perfectly strong in our friendship.  We laugh a lot.  We watch TV with the boys a lot.  We eat out a lot.  I mean, he was my best friend for 17 years.  Losing that was awful.  God restoring our friendship is just one in a huge thread of miracles in this story.

My imperfection comes in the fragility of my resolve.  I am easily undone by events that remind me of the wrong done me.  I am easily undone by the enemy reminding me of things The Ex did back when we were dissolving.  I am easily undone by any tiny misstep he takes in our friendship.

Over and over these last few years, God keeps reminding me "There IS no unforgivable sin." Not with God.  Humans, sure.  We have our limits.  But even those can be overcome if we ask God to help us.  So I keep asking God to help me forget.  Wipe the bad memories from my brain.  When they come, I tell the enemy to piss off.  Then I box up the memory or emotion, put it down and ask God to take it.  Then I ask him to help me move on without it.  To help me make NEW memories with my friend, The Ex.

Since the holidays - when I had a major Hell Hath No Fury meltdown with The Ex - we have turned a major corner.  We communicate more regularly.  If something is eating at me and I can't make it leave, I tell The Ex.  And he will talk to me.  Sometimes, he lets me cry or vent or just explain how frustrated I am.  I keep thinking each of these episodes will chase him off again.  He has told me that will never happen again.

We are working with God, our church, and counselors to clear the mess between us.  We don't have to FIX all the problems that were there right this minute.  But we are both committed to get them out in the open, identify them, work at making sure we don't repeat it.  How could we ever move on to new relationships if we can't do that?

My point to this whole blathering mess is this: There IS no unforgivable sin.  For me as a human, there are offenses that could take me a lifetime to forgive.  But The Ex has a blank slate from God.  I get a re-do from God all the time.  I want to give The Ex the same blank slate that God already gave him.  And that God repeatedly gives me.

It doesn't really matter what he or I did to break our marriage and get it to the point where we canned it.

What matters is my God came down and suffered all the trappings of humanity - including torture and murder - to allow me my blank slate and freedom from the slavery of a crazy litany of rules.  The least I can do is forgive someone for being imperfect and allow him to be the wonderful guy I met back in the late 80's and shared my life with for 17 years.  And I thank God that he's given The Ex an extra helping of patience to deal with my imperfect humanity while I ride the roller coaster of forgiveness.

Updates on the Sermon Thingy

Thanks for all the prayers and support about my sermon/lesson/talking-thing.  It went swimmingly!  God totally rocked the calm and just flowed the words.  I'm pretty outgoing and good at faking confidence.  But I know how nervous I feel when I speak in public.  Especially speaking to people I have to deal with, you know?  It's not like a bunch of strangers you can say goodbye to and never see again!

But God rocked peace and calm and a steady voice.  I was worried I'd just stare at my notes and read them.  But I was speaking on something I feel very passionately about.  And God just kept the right subjects coming at the right time.

I spoke on tithing.  Not exactly people's most favorite subject!  I was worried I wouldn't have enough material.  Apparently, I spoke for over an hour.  Not surprising if you know me.  But I guess I made sense and kept people's attention (except a few nodders - I saw yah!).  I got a lot of feedback afterward from people saying I really spoke to them or gave them something to think about.

It was SO fun!  I'm SO thankful to God for just making it go so well.  I'm hoping he gives me more opportunities to speak.  Because I know he's given me a bunch of other subjects that are always flying around my head!

There's A Reason God Made Me Yappy

I have had this vision since probably high school or college days. Which is way back before the interwebz, kids. I have seen myself talking to large crowds. It makes sense. I'm a yapper. A rambler. A story teller. I never shut up. Even on here, I can rarely post a single paragraph. That Six Word Saturday? Yah, impossible.

But you know, if God makes you yappy, you're probably supposed to be talkin'. Unfortunately, for years, I have just talked. Thankfully, God seems to be putting tons of stories and lessons and messages in my head. I think I will do much better if I let THOSE come out.

This Sunday, I will be giving the lesson at my church. We've been having our 4 main leaders rotate in speaking while between pastors. And God kept reminding me of things in my head. I recently asked him to give me opportunities for public speaking. I wasn't sure what it would look like but just bring them.

Oh it's been brought-en!

I'll probably breathe in too much, forgetting to exhale. That'll be the battle for the first 5 minutes or so. I will battle the urge to interject bad jokes. But mostly, I will just ask God to get the right words that he wants people to hear to come out of my yappy story telling mouth.

On a funny note: I have 12 pages of notes to edit at the moment. So far, 8 of those pages are examples of God rocking the financial blessings from this very blog. I have so many examples of his miracles on here, it was hard to keep it to only those!!!

Rock on, God!

Quick Update For The 3 Of You That Keep Stopping By

TheBoy: I've noticed some eye tics. Excessive eye rolling, a little exaggerated blinking. I've noticed some stammering when he's talking. Kind of repeating partial phrases before getting it all out. I'm chalking it up to all the late summer nights and early summer mornings. I'm not concerned.

TheBoy will start middle school this year. This area of Texas has 6th grade in middle school. I think we're both a little nervous about that. But again, I know God will rock the awesome teachers like he always does.

Work: My work just had the 2nd round of layoffs last week. It was rough. I made the cut but you watch others get cut and it's just a stanky week all around. So now we are hugely depleted in terms of staff. And we still have the same amount of work. My team lost one very key person. She has TONS of knowledge and her personality is the one we all tended to rally around. She made the killer cupcakes and brought the team love. That was a painful cut. I'm happy to be friends with her separate from work. But it's very weird not to see her every day. *sigh*

Church: Our transition from pastors Kenny & Michelle to our new pastors is bumpy. The new pastors aren't in our state yet. We pray for God to rock the provision to get them here. But so far, it's not happening. I don't know if this is one of those times we'll learn to wait well or if this is God saying this is not what he has planned. Either way, I'll wait well for whatever he brings.

The transition from where I stand is not easy - on many levels. They never are. I am standing in my skin trying to figure out where to shut up and just unconditionally support and when to stand up and say, this is a problem. That has always been a battle for me. So I pray. And hope for God to show the way. I feel a need to speak up. So finding the right way to do so will be my next task.

Transitions

Our church is about to hit a big transition. Our head pastors, Kenny & Michelle, are moving out to California to attend an amazing school for three years. I'm so excited for them! There is a part of me that wants to go to this school. If my boys end up choosing this school for their college years, I will be over the moon!

The new pastors are not set in stone yet. We are pretty sure we know who it will be but God has to rock some pretty big miracles to get them here.

When churches change pastors, they change many members. A lot of people visit a church and connect to something there. Very often, it's the pastor. In my case, I joined this church back in 2005. A little over a year later, the head pastors moved to southern California to pastor a larger church there. That's when Kenny & Michelle took over. Our membership morphed for a while. But we eventually hit our stride (or at least, I think we did).

Many of my church friends are very connected to Kenny & Michelle. I am, too. So I'm praying hard for my church. That God do what's best and help people to keep their hearts and minds open to the new pastors and their style.

I'm oddly mellow about this. I haven't cried over this yet. And there have been quite a few tears. I think my history of moving probably helps. As an IBM Brat, I moved something close to 8 times by the time I was 13. I know the reality of relationships. They come and go with life changes and seasons. I know my true friends are just that, no matter how much distance is between us. Those true friends are there for me no matter how often we see each other.

So the thought of Kenny & Michelle leaving to follow God's calling is exciting to me. I envy people who clearly hear from God to pick up and do something specific. I know I will see them again when they visit their family still in this area. I know I will haunt them on Facebook.

Today was Kenny's 2nd to last time preaching. As he spoke, I was hit with a momentary pit in the stomach. I think there will be a sense of loss I'm not quite understanding at the moment. I had trouble listening to his message. I thought how far we had come. In 2007, when he started speaking, he was rough and nervous. Now, he speaks easily, straight from the heart. He shares from his life, being extremely honest about his early days, before Jesus had his heart. He talks very candidly about how he used to be. Everyone can relate to imperfection and we love that he can relate to our imperfections. He never pretends to be oh-so-perfect. He is welcoming and is the first to admit that he's flawed just like anyone else.

In 2007, they had just announced he would become the new head pastor and my marriage imploded. The poor guy was barely in his new role and I was all, "Hey, I'm having a huge life crisis and think my head is going to explode. Can you help?" Kenny and Michelle walked with me through that journey. Sometimes, counseling me. Sometimes, Michelle just sitting there as I sat on her bedroom floor, bawling, thoughts tumbling jumbled from my mouth. I have no idea how they found the strength to handle it all. Learning how to pastor a church and me in crisis mode every time I saw them. I doubt that's how they think of it. But I look back on that time - I was so needy. I couldn't see beyond my own swirling misery. I had nothing to give - only desperately draining whatever I could out of all around me.

Kenny also had a heart for The Ex. I could tell he truly loved The Ex, whether I was mid-hate or wrestling with feelings of vengeance or forgiveness. He never stopped praying for The Ex. It was hard to take during the times I wanted God to punt The Ex to Pluto. But in my more lucid moments, I thanked God that someone had the heart to truly pray for The Ex.

Kenny and Michelle have always been champions of my little fractured family. Kenny was one of the men in my church that recognized the need my boys had for a reassuring word from a man. These wonderful men in my church took my boys under their collective wings. Kenny always had a hug for them. If the boys asked him things, he always made time - talking to them like they were the only ones in the room. Once, Kenny was going to give his testimony as the message. At the time, BigBro was really wrestling with anger about the divorce. Kenny invited BigBro to stay for the service instead of going to kids' class. BigBro stayed and listened to EVERY word. Kenny shared his experience as a child of divorce. I still think that stays in BigBro's head.

Once, when BigBro was very upset and worried about something spiritual - I can't recall what - I think it was heaven - I was at a loss. I didn't know what to do. I called Michelle and asked if she would talk to BigBro. She did. At length. I'm not sure what all she told him. But when they hung up, BigBro was at peace.

Kenny & Michelle have baptized both of my boys. I had always warned Kenny that I expected him to perform my next marriage and had joked that it was up to Kenny to find me my groom!

The Ex joins us at church very frequently because of his strong connection to many of our church friends. When I told him Kenny & Michelle were leaving, it hurt. He had just returned to Texas and had very few friends. Kenny & Michelle - he knew - were true friends. So he was loath to lose them.

Kenny & Michelle walked with me in my journey from utter desolation to being a strong God Girl. They have encouraged me, called me to the mat on certain things, gently corrected me, joked with me, been examples of selfless service, pointed out my strengths when I couldn't see them. There are many times in my day to day life when I'm at a decision point. At some of these times, I pause and think, "What would [so-and-so] do here?" God has blessed me with many fine examples to put in that [so-and-so] bracket. Kenny & Michelle are often inserted there.

It will be hard to let them go. Selfishly, I want them here. But I will send them off with blessings. And will cheer them on as God takes them into their next season.

I love you, Kenny & Michelle.

Lil'Bro Gets Baptized!

Can I get an AMEN?! Woo hoo!

Both of my boys have an amazing faith. It blows my mind the kinds of questions they ask and topics they discuss. At their ages (7 & 10), I believed. But I'm not sure I understood the whole relationship with God thing. The church I grew up in never taught us about that. Or if they did, I didn't get it.

My boys get it. So when Lil'Bro said he wanted to get baptized, absolutely! Woo hoo!

This is especially sweet because it will be the last month our head pastors are with us. Both of my boys got baptized by pastors Michelle & Kenny. I know the who doesn't matter. But I'm glad for it anyway.

If you look back to BigBro's baptism in Sept 2009, you'll see a bit of difference in my two boys. BigBro took some coaxing (he had just learned how to go fully under water). Lil'Bro jumped right in!

The Ex, my parents, my BigSis and her TallGuy were all in attendance. I didn't get to snap a picture with my parents. DOH!

Enjoy the pix!

Lil'Bro, TM, HM & RM all contemplate the trough as pastor Kenny talks.

Kenny asked who wanted to go first. After a small pause, Lil'Bro climbed right in!

Kenny asking Lil'Bro if he accepts Jesus as his savior. And you know he DOES!

Lil'Bro wanted to do it himself. After 2 attempts, he successfully fully dunked.

A fully baptized Lil'Bro!

Pastors Michelle & Kenny. Love these guys!

Lil'Bro with a proud uncle TallGuy and aunt BigSis!

A Halloween Eve Rehydration at the ER

Lil'Bro wasn't able to hold down ANYthing yesterday. Not water, not Pedialyte. They called in a scrip of anti-nausea meds. It helped him drink sips of water all night. But then he threw up again early this morning.

After a call to his doctor's office, we took him into the ER for fluids. Two and a half hours of fluids later, he was a new kid. I have read the symptoms of dehydration but never saw them all before. The lethargy was pretty palpable. Very weird to see your usually energetic 6 1/2 year old not respond to anything. He didn't want TV. He didn't want his DS. He didn't want to move.

We got home from the ER and he immediately fell asleep on the couch. For THREE hours. I got an hour of sleep in.

Oh yah, my BigSis and her TallGuy hubby drove 30 minutes up here to get BigBro. They took BigBro to our church Fall Festival. Another church friend will bring him home.

Yesterday, I put out a "help" email to the women at my church asking them to get the food for church. Two women immediately took up the task for me. One of our lead pastors will sing in my stead. A couple of people have offered to come pick up BigBro for church tomorrow. My mom just dropped off a bunch of bananas and some frozen dinners. Tons of my local pals have sent offers over Facebook asking if they can do anything for us. And they mean it. My distant pals also sent prayers and love through Facebook, emails and texts.

I have to tell you, when you ask God to surround you with good loving people? He totally comes through. I cannot thank God enough for all of the awesome friends and family he has surrounded us with.

And Lil'Bro woke up about 30 minutes ago. He has held down water, half a banana and a little cup of applesauce. He keeps talking about the mini cheeseburgers at a local burger joint. I have to think he's on the mend.

Thanks to all my loving friends and family.

For reference, here are two pictures.
Just having arrived at the ER
and 2.5 hrs later.

...And Did I Mention My Church ROCKS?

Last Sunday, I approached one of our head pastors (our head pastors are a married couple and I adore them both). I related a particular struggle I was having that I won't bore you with here. Suffice it to say, it is a very hard thing to cut all of the myriad of connections from a 17 yr long relationship.

Both pastors Kenny & Michelle have walked this long divorce path with me. They have prayed from a distance. They have prayed right over me. They have both endured fountains of tears from me. They have cheered me on as God pulled me up onto my feet. They have loved on my boys. They are just awesome.

So I related my current struggle to Michelle. She went home and talked to Kenny. Then, today, she met me at a local coffee joint (no, not that Coffee Joint) and sat talking with me for about 3 hours. It was so nice. She is one of the Safety Zone people at my church. You know, one of the people you know you can say anything to and they totally know where you're coming from. I rarely have to worry about how something will sound. She's so open, loving and forgiving. She lets me talk. She gives me her thoughts. We exchange ideas. We jump off and on subject. And it doesn't phase either one of us.

Being a pastor is hard hard work. It's a huge sacrifice. I can't imagine how they pull it off. And yet she offered up 3 hours of her day for me today. To guide and encourage. To be my sounding board. To listen and laugh. What a wonderful wonderful way to serve.

I could write blog entries on how uniquely special so many of my church family members are to me. But today, Michelle gave me a real gift. Because who in this world ever offers up 3 hours of their time to one other person? Pretty awesome.

Yah. My church rocks.

Baptism, Texas Style!

Today, Pokemon Boy was baptized. Man, it was SO cool on so many levels. The Ex flew in this weekend just for this baptism. My parents came. Big Sis and Tall Guy came. My neighbors that live behind us came. My little sis from Oklahoma would have been here with her whole family but they had a car break down.

Our little church had 8 people get baptized. We're small. So we don't have a baptismal in the church. So when we're ready to baptize, we pull out the horse trough. Awwww yah! That's how we roll: this is baptism Texas style!

Today was pretty amazing. The worship music was really good. The message today was really cool and very poignant. And then the baptism directly afterward. Even The Ex (a non-believer) said there was something...different. I can't remember his exact words but he said you could feel an electricity in the air. I was a giddy mom so I was feeling pretty awesome. I'm just totally stoked that God touched The Ex's heart today.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of Pokemon Boy getting baptized. [Some from The Ex. And I was wielding a point & shoot and my Blackberry Curve. So these are a mix of formats.]

Pokemon Boy was a bit dubious.

PB had to be talked into the water a bit.

Finally got him kneeling!

Pastors Kenny & Michelle get Pokemon Boy prepared.

Almost ready...

PB was nervous about being submerged.

PB is baptized!!

WOO HOO!!!!

Pastor Kenny applauds while pastor Michelle gives him his towel.

My beautiful baptized boy!

Puke Patrol

This morning is church morning. I got up to the alarm after playing snooze tag. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, fixed my hair, got dressed. I came downstairs to find my two adorable boys already up and playing their Nintendo DSs.

Lil'Bro said his tummy didn't feel good. "Up high or down low?" ask I. If it's down low, it usually just means he needs to sit on the potty for a while. He points up to his neck and chest. "You're probably just hungry." I took the risk and got him some milk. After a few sips, he said, "Oh, it feels better now."

I kept getting ready for church. Then he walks into the bathroom and stoically throws up. Ah good times.

My church friends are on notice and already bailing me out. My awesome friend MissSW is picking up all the church food. I called C.Beth and asked her to be the overseer of food service which she agreed to do even though she's lined up for nursery today. And I called my pastor's wife, the lovely Michelle, so she can cover me singing.

My parents and BigSis had planned a nice after church lunch for today. So it will be without the boys and me. BigSis will watch the boys in the afternoon so I can go teach my first Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class.

And my Lil'Bro - he is so brave. I have to tell you, I don't know any grownups that can puke so calmly, let alone a 5 yr old. He just walked in, lifted the toilet seat and "blyeah". Then he just stands there waiting for the next one. No crying, no whining. None of the noises I make that let the whole world know how awful this is and can't you see I'm SUFFERING?! Even when he was dry heaving. Just calmly heaves. It was astounding to watch. Or maybe I'm just twisted. But I really was amazed as I rubbed his very hot little heaving back.

Pokemon Boy is completely puke-a-phobic. So he has very discreetly taken his DS and gone up to play in his room. He's trying to make it look very nonchalant. But I know A) he hates listening to someone puking and B) he doesn't want to catch whatever it is.

MissSW just picked up all the church food. Lil'Bro is asking for milk and telling me he's very thirsty and hungry. Poor kid. We won't even try ice chips or water for 30 minutes. But he's a brave little guy. He'll make it. And in the mean time, I will refrain from licking doorknobs and stair railings.

SERIOUSLY Awesome!!!

I am SOOOOOO stoked! Pokemon Boy has decided to get baptized. Last Sunday, pastor Kenny was talking about how our church will be having a baptism in September. So if anyone was interested, to talk to him. Pokemon Boy said he was interested. I think he said something like, "Can I do that?"

So tonight, after small group, I asked Pokemon Boy if he was still interested. He asked me, "Well...how long do they hold you under there?" I explained it's just a quick under and up. Having cleared that up, he said yes so I told him he should ask pastor Kenny when they could talk about it. Well, Kenny sat down and chatted with him right there! Pokemon Boy wasn't sure what baptism was all about so Kenny explained that it's an outward sign of what's in your heart. That you've accepted Jesus into your heart. So he showed him (using his arm) how the old you dies (dips the arm down showing how it goes down under water) and the new you rises up (raises his arm). Pokemon Boy goes, "...I have to die?" So I said, well, the old you dies - and the new you is you with Jesus. "So I still have the one life, right?" Yup. But now your life is eternal because you've got Jesus in your heart. "Cool! I want to do it right away!"

He's a little bummed he has to wait until the end of September. But he told me in the car that maybe the anticipation will be fun. Of course, Lil’Bro thinks he wants to get baptized, too. I'm not sure he gets it. But I'll let him talk to Kenny. If we both think he really really gets it, I have no problem with it. But we'll see.

Oh - and Pokemon Boy asked Kenny if he could wear goggles [he's just gotten to where he'll go underwater - but only with goggles]. Kenny said he didn't think Jesus would mind if he wore goggles. Gotta love it!

And I've told a few of you this but, in our church? We get baptized in a big horse trough!!! LOVE IT!

Just thought you all would be totally stoked to hear it. WOO HOO!!!

This Is What Life Is All About

Man, I just had the most awesome Sunday. So simple that it reminds me this is what Sundays are about. Keeping the sabbath is setting aside the day for God. Enjoy everything he has provided for me. Appreciate it. Honor him by soaking up his goodness. And today just fit the bill.

I woke up totally late because I stayed up totally late. Oh, and I had set the alarm for 7:30am (which would have put me completely on time) but then forgot to turn the alarm ON. DOH. So yah, I woke up pissy. And as my children dawdled, thinking they had plenty of time like usual, I got pissier. Oh yes, you say. We can see how this is totally keeping the sabbath.

I pack the car with the awesome food for church, cram the kids in the car and take off for church. I'm late so I don't do anything frivolous like, oh, say...feed my kids. This will come to play later.

I arrive at church in one of Those Moods. The kind that my friend C.Beth recognizes immediately by the set of my spine. The kind that I think I'm so good at hiding. As I unload the food, I'm completely in "Martha Mode" (if you don't know, read Luke 10:38-42). The afore mentioned awesome C.Beth comes to the rescue because - you see - I have hidden my Mood oh so well. She offers to set up the food service and I relent, thankfully. She mentions that she may have seen some sliver of a hint of my Mood. But her gentle understanding smile and complete lack of judgment completely disarms me. I love that woman.

Having that taken care of, I walk up onto the riser to take my place for worship practice. I'm putting in my ear monitors when Lil'Bro comes and asks if I brought any food. Yes, quite a bit, actually. But you can't touch it until 10:15. But he means food, as in, hey, you forgot to FEED us, woman. So I ask him to wait. Drooping face. Departs in full Bobby-Brady-slump mode. Then Pokemon Boy comes up 3 seconds later asking, "Um...did you take us to Burger King today?" [because usually when pressed for time, I whip through the BK drive thru for a healthy Croissan'wich® or the like]. "No, hon. We didn't have time. You'll have plenty of food here soon enough." More Bobby-Brady-slumping.

I take my place with the worship team, ready to sing. As I wait for last minute adjustments, I actually prayed this prayer, "God, please help me to stop having such a big hair across my ass." Now, questionable prayer language aside, God rocked the answer. He removed said hair from across said dark place. I had fun practicing for worship. I didn't keep my eyes on the food service setup because I knew it was being taken care of. I was able to totally relax and focus on the music. And the words.

The rest of church rocked, too. Our head pastors were away on vacation (the nerve of them!). So our youth group and youth leaders got up to talk about their recent trip to Doin' The Stuff. They showed slides and everyone that went (and was present) talked about how it affected them. One of our lay pastors then spoke about what it personally meant to him. It was a really cool, inspiring presentation. And Pokemon Boy told me he wants to go to Doin' The Stuff when he's old enough. Sweet!

After church, we hung out, socialized, cleaned up food service, washed bowls and platters. I love that part. Well, not the dish washing part, necessarily. But hanging with my church friends. I love watching the kids running around wreaking havoc together. I love seeing people stand around, talking, laughing. It rocks.

We headed home. We picked up the house a bit and made sandwiches for lunch. Then we hooked up with Lil'Bro's "best buddy" S.McV and his dad R.McV. We all went to the community pool and went swimming. We were met there by another friend of Lil'Bro and S.McV, A.A and his parents. So it was a big swimming play date with four rowdy boys. Tons of fun!

After two hours of swimming, we dried off and drove a few hundred feet to my parents' house. My BigSis was there with her awesome dog, Sid. My parents just returned the night before from a family funeral in New Mexico. Very sudden. Very tragic. Very sad. BigSis brought a bunch of pizzas and we all chowed down and heard all about the memorial and family gathering. We hung for a couple of hours and then headed home for some TV and then bed.

I mean, awesome church day (where God totally rocks the attitude adjustment up front), swimming with really awesome friends and then dinner with really awesome family? That pretty much sums up my life's blessings in a nut shell. Right there. Simple, no?

Thank you, God. Thanks for the awesome church, the awesome friends and the awesome family. And thanks for the extras like a gorgeous pool, a safe community and plethora of food.

God rocks, my friends. Totally rocks.

Goodbye For Now, Clark

Today, one of our extended church family passed from this life into the next. I know that I should be happy for him. Clark isn't suffering in pain any more. He finally gets to meet Jesus face to face. We all know he's in a better place. And though I believe all of that with all my heart, it still just makes me sad. Sad that a 16 year old should have to die. I only met Clark a couple of times. He's the youngest brother of two of our church members. They're all such a great family. His older brother and sister are two of the finest people I know.

Anyway, a lot of you were praying for Clark and I thank you. His family sent a message to our pastors thanking everyone for their prayers. Clark's family believes he is with God and knows they will see him again when we're all there together. But the human reality is that they will miss him terribly until that happens. Your continued prayers for their family would be appreciated.

I just wanted to share a picture of Clark here. He is a wonderful kid. I have no doubt heaven is loving having him there.

Weekly Randomosity

The Layoff:
I'm doing much better about the layoff now. I went from calm acceptance to anxiety/panic to church. At church, I cried all over my friend PregnantKeyboardGirl. She prayed over me and told me she loves me. Then the AwesomeCoffeeBringer couple prayed over me, too. I also happen to know that pretty much all of my praying family and friends are blanketing heaven with prayers on my behalf. I'm sure God is up there going, "Yah, 'Take care of Lynette.' I'm ON it, people!" Thankfully God is way more patient than I would be. But it's a funny image in my head.

So I went from lot of hands-on prayer back to work. And this week, I have felt totally peaceful about things. I figure, I've asked God to guide me. I've asked him to show me which direction to go. I've asked him to get me an awesome job that will allow me family time and the money to support my little family. So all I can do now is just work and get through the layoff process. The rest will unfold when God wants it to.

So I'm chill. God's got me.


Our New Church Building!!!
Our church has been working on finding a permanent building for a while. When I joined in late 2005, we were slated to move into a new building that winter. Due to a legal battle between the landlord and the developer, that never happened. And we stood by anxiously awaiting the results for a long time.

Well, this past Tuesday, we started moving in the bulk of our stuff (to a totally different space!). Our children's ministry leader had already gotten a lot of toys moved in. But on Tuesday, a small group of us got 128 comfy chairs unloaded, vacuumed, washed down and set up! And pastor Kenny loaded them from the storage space into the trailer alone. (Look at the superhero muscles on that guy!)

It was the kind of hard work I love to do because it is actually DOING something. And doing something for God. Plus, I got to hang out with some really awesome church family while doing it.

Today was our last day in the elementary school. We gave one of the school workers a gift certificate and card because she has been there with us for so long and has been like a family member.

Next Sunday is our first service in the new building. WOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!

The first chair in...


Most of the chairs in...


Panoramic view of the sanctuary from the front...


Pokemon Boy:
Mr. Dude is having some issues with anger. Well, all out melt downs is more like it. He had two this past week. Both times, he couldn't do something he wanted to do. I think it's a few things: A) he's overtired, B) he's a little worried about this layoff thing, C) he's 8 and D) he's human and hates when he doesn't get what he wants. But the all out temper tantrum - we haven't seen that in years.

We had a nice long talk about it. I told him that he's old enough to start controlling when he's upset like that. I told him to recognize that feeling and work hard to keep the anger in check. And when he can't? That's when you ask God to step in. He said, "I never pray when I'm at school." I said, "Well, don't think of it as praying. Just keep the conversation going. No matter where you are. You can just talk to him any time. Tell him anything. Ask for help with anything, anywhere." He kind of raised his eyebrows in that "Hmm. Interesting," way. Today at church, we almost headed toward meltdown. But I just got down on his level and said, "Dude, put a LID on that attitude right NOW." Not mean. Just nipped it in the bud and made it VERY clear that it would NOT be tolerated.

I don't think any of it is related to his Tourette's. I think it's all the stuff I mentioned before. But he asked if he could see his play therapist. So I've made an appointment. You want to talk to someone who can help you? Heck yah I'll find the money somewhere!


Hallerween:
Lil' Bro had a fever off and on this week. Friday, it was pretty high and he stayed home. But there was no way Optimus Prime was going to miss out on the trick-or-treating. So little Mr Fever Guy went trick-or-treating. He pooped out about 3/4 of the way through so we kept it short. Which fortunately was fine with his older brother. We had so much fun and they were just so freaking adorable. They have hardly eaten any of their candy. I've probably eaten more of it than they have.

Lil' Bro was Optimus Prime. Pokemon Boy was Ben 10.



God Rockin' More Free Food:
Today at church, one of my friends had a word for me that was incredibly encouraging. God told me that he loves me and he will take care of it all. I can't think of a better word to get right now.

Tonight, I took the boys to our favorite pizza joint. We had called our order in so it would be ready when we got there. As we sat down to eat, one of the workers walked over with a large pizza box and said, "My manager wanted me to ask if you guys would like some extra pepperoni rolls." There were 12 extra pepperoni rolls in the box! That's like a large pepperoni pizza - in rolled up form. They had accidentally made a double order for someone and we got the extras! We LUUUUUUUUUV their pepperoni rolls. So I know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow!

Lamenting A Trailer (No Really)

I've mentioned my awesome rockin' church. But I haven't mentioned that it's a relatively new church. So we're in the process of looking for a permanent space. At the moment, we still meet in an elementary school. This is odd to some people. Not to me. The first church I remember was still meeting in an elementary school while our building was being built. After leaving that one, the next church I attended was in an elementary school. I've attended hugemungus churches that seat hundreds. I've attended tiny ones where everyone is crammed into the few rows of pews. I don't care as long as God is there and the people are preaching Jesus. Can I get an 'Amen'?!

Anyhoo...

What this means for us is, every Sunday, we have set up and break down. Someone drives to our storage space, picks up the trailer, brings it to the school and we all set up the tables, portable dividers, class supply bins, kids' toys, greeting supplies, etc. It's a well oiled machine.

This past Sunday, I was up on stage, rehearsing with the band. All of the school's chairs were out. We put out rows of chairs but we make a front and back row of square tables. So families can sit together or people can take notes. Everyone has their preference. So the chairs are grouped waiting for those tables. My food service bags are sitting back where the food tables will go. I'm singing. Life is good.

Then I notice our pastor is moving all the grouped chairs into rows. And I'm thinking, do we have no trailer today? Did we get a flat tire? Did someone sleep in? Ah...the blissful thinking of the glass-half-full girl.

Apparently, our trailer was stolen from the storage space. The gates are left open to facilitate that 24-hr access thing. This alone opens a host of questions for me but I can open my own self-storage facility with coded gate access another time. For now, someone got in there, cut the locks from our trailer and took it.

The good thing: The pastor says to us, "We're going to Plan B." There is no Plan B. We made it up on the fly. That's what I love about this church. We just all jumped to it. Sure we were sad and shocked that someone would take our trailer. Sure we made jokes about how appropriate it is that thieves stole a trailer that had a big bin of bibles in it. But we kicked it into gear and church started 30 minutes later - without much of a hitch. It proves that theory that a church isn't about a building or about things or stuff. It's God and the people. That's it, man. It all boils down to God and his people. Boom. Love that.

The sad thing: The police found our trailer today. It's pretty beaten up. All the "stuff" is missing. Yes, we're not all about things or stuff. But oh it kills me the love and work that was just thrown out. We had so many toys for the little ones. Our nursery was awesome. The 3s and 4s class was awesome. They had blocks and cars and twirly things and spinny things and bouncy things and roley things. It was a wonderful way to give parents a break so they could listen to the lesson in stead of shushing kids. Someone had hand made movable dividers so we could have separate classroom space for the different aged kids in the gym. Gone. All of the tables. All of the bibles. All of the class supplies - paper, scissors, glue, tape, crayons, markers, pens, pencils, stickers. There were little portable CD players to play the kids music on. At least 3 of those - if not more. Rugs & mats to sit on for play or story time.

What makes me sad is picturing all of those wonderful tools of ours - just heaped in a pile somewhere. Perfectly good supplies just dumped. I'm a sentimental idiot. I had trouble tossing a pair of boots once because they had been to California, Cape Code, Texas, New Mexico, Jamaica, England with me. They had served me so well. And I was going to just throw them away. It broke my heart. I'm a dork.

I think of that pile of stuff and I give each item a personality in my head. Because, like I said, I'm a dork. I hope the bins of class supplies aren't scared. I hope the tables don't think we don't love them. Then I make up scenarios like, some loving person who really needs that kind of stuff just stumbles across this pile. Like a God send! And they find a way to cart it all to wherever they are setting up their school of love. And our stuff is used and loved and cared for!!!

Did I mention I'm a dork?

Anyway, it's all replaceable. Fortunately, none of our musical equipment was on there. That would be replaceable, yes. But very very costly. We are a hardy lot. We will replace it all and probably more than we started with.

We have prayed for the thieves. Apparently, they used our trailer to try to heist a bunch of copper piping from some water treatment place. I'm hearing more of this copper stealing stuff on the news. So we can be added to that statistic. But we prayed that maybe - just maybe - one of those people opened one of the bins and saw the bibles. And maybe - just maybe - they took a bible home. And maybe - just maybe - they'll read it. I'd like to think that some day, I'll hear some testimony that starts, "Well, a bunch of us stole this trailer and it was full of BIBLES..."

I'm still praying that one or more of those thieves show up at our church. I have no doubt God could make them a great addition to our numbers!

Klergin Blats

I had to go read my last post to see where I had left you all with this.

Trusting God: I'm into this. Trusting gifts God has given others: I'm also into this.

Last week (and a few weeks before), I was extremely fractured. Emotionally. I was so scattered, I didn't have the clarity to figure out escape routes in life. I was flailing at work and entering panic mode because it didn't dawn on me to stop, sit with my managers and form a plan. Because I was panicked. And I thought I was flailing at work simply because my emotions were about to create a black hole from which nothing could escape.

Friday - when I wrote that last post - I was doing better than I had in weeks. Saturday was rough. I spent the whole day with the core of my church family learning about the gifts of the Holy Spirit - what they are, how to seek them and how to use them. So you can imagine that, in that context, I was feeling a lot of pressure to use God and not any meds. I wasn't being pressured by anyone but myself. But I felt the pressure, either way. I wanted to trust enough. I didn't want to lean on meds. I felt like I'd be showing a lack of faith in God if I went to my meds. Even after my friend GuitarDad sat down at lunch and said, "Look, I just want to tell you, if I broke my leg? I'd be in the ER asking for pain meds. And I'd take them. OK?" I knew what he was saying. Modern medicine had saved my life and Pokemon Boy's life. And the lives of tons of people in my life. But what to do. What to do.

And every hour, I got closer to freak out mode. Even though I had a wonderful time with my church at the seminar and learned tons and felt spiritually enriched, I was still faltering.

Sunday I woke up exhausted after a night of broken sleep and LOTS of prayer. Every time I woke up, I just started praying. I don't know what was going on. If you've ever had that nervous stomach just before giving a speech or presentation or performing? I had basically been having that almost every two minutes for about a week by this time. After a night of bad sleep, I was primed for who knows what kind of emotional meltdown. I woke up feeling kind of numb. Which is better than the anxious feeling. But every mile closer I got to church, I felt more and more oppressed. More and more panic. More and more feeling like crying.

I got there and set up the food. I was supposed to assist in the nursery. My wonderful friend TallGorgeousLady recognized my meltdown mode. She helped me find someone to sub in the nursery for me. It was heaven to just sit in the sanctuary listening to our guest pastor speak. And to just worship as part of the congregation.

Afterwards, I took Pokemon Boy up for prayer. He has been having some rather interesting spiritual experiences that leave him uncomfortable. If it makes your skin crawl, it ain't God. So I asked him if he'd let me take him up for prayer. I took him up to a group that was praying over some people and waited. Some of our most fervent praying people were there and I wanted their faith on my kid! We started out with about 5 of us around Pokemon Boy. We prayed for spiritual protection. We prayed for total healing of his Tourette's. We prayed for emotional healing and protection due to the divorce. As the prayer continued, I felt more and more hands resting on Pokemon Boy or me. By the time we finished, there was a nice little group surrounding us. Pokemon Boy is very special to a lot of people at my church. I think my little family as a whole is. My church feels very protective about us - especially because of the broken family thing we're dealing with.

I think Pokemon Boy was a little embarrassed but he stood still for most of it and I know he totally believes in prayer and was ok with it over all. I was really excited that he allowed that. I love that he really trusts in God and his people.

So after that, I talked to a friend and told her how I was wrestling with the meds or God thing. She was so awesome and told me her own story and how she takes meds and it doesn't dampen her link with God. I mean, come on - like some drug could block the Creator of All Things? Yah right.

Well, that night, I just couldn't take it any more. I cannot live with that panic at the base of my neck. I can't live with that constant nervous pit in my stomach. I can't take the overwhelming sense of mopiness. I couldn't formulate a thought. I couldn't think straight. I was terrified I would lose my job. I was terrified I couldn't get my tasks at work done. I was terrified I would lose my house. I was terrified of not being able to provide for my kids. I don't like living in fear. That ain't me.

I opened the CVS bag.

I took the meds.

I prayed a lot.

Monday, I was able to focus at work. I repeated the steps above.

Tuesday, I was able to put a few thoughts together that said, hey, sit with your bosses and show them your overloaded plate. That's their job, dude! Then I got one of the big tasks finished which made me feel like, oh yah, I actually have a brain! Lather, rinse, repeat.

Today, I felt the closest to normal I have in a long time. I'm about to go take my meds and get in bed with the bible again. I haven't been calm enough to do that since last week. This is a good thing.

I don't think God wants anyone to live in constant panic or depression. I think God was glad I asked him to handle it. But I think he gave me access to doctors and this medication because he knew I needed it. Just like I'd need a doctor to set my leg if I broke it. Yes, God can heal a broken mind. He can heal a broken leg. I don't pretend to know when and why he works those miracles and why sometimes we go to a doctor. I'm still asking him about that. We'll see what he tells me.

In the mean time, my doctor and her nurse rock. They've both walked this path. Sadly, so has my pharmacist. My church still prays for the protection and healing of my little family. And they support me whether I'm trying to rely on God for healing or I'm asking a doctor to help. And my mom is just so glad that I'm not spiraling down any more. I can see the relief on her face. She was worried. It is very hard to express that concern to your grown daughter. But she did - in her own way. Because she was there bailing me out every single day. Taking the boys, making us dinner, making sure she checked in with me every day.

God rocks. My mom rocks. My church rocks.

Not quite out of the woods yet. But I take comfort in the fact that I'm out of the cess pool.

And Have I Mentioned That My Church Rocks?

Man I love Sundays. Because it means I get to go to church. And if you knew me like some of you reading this know me - you'd know how funny that sounds. If you could go back and talk to me back in...oh...say...anywhere between 1986 and 2004 and tell me that someday I'd be totally stoked for church every Sunday, I'd probably ask you what you were smoking.

I may have mentioned that my step-2nd-cousin (and that's real) invited me to the Cambridge Vineyard (now the Greater Boston Vineyard) back in February of 2005. I almost said no but God poked me in the head and reminded me of all the years I talked about "someday" finding a church while never actually trying to find one. I went with a good friend - both of us ready to bolt at the first sign of weird. The first sign of weird ended up being Trish testifying in what would turn out to be a foreshadowing of her book (I'm just kidding about the weird - she was cute and perky - which to me was weird). But at the time she wasn't my favorite author - she was just some goofy Christian Pollyanna wife with whom I'd never have anything in common. Oh yes, because I was just way too cool. Thankfully, God cured me of that misconception and turned that church into my new family that gently got me turned looking in the right direction - straight at God in stead of all the stupidity surrounding me. It was the first church where I felt like people were completely imperfect and very open in admitting that. No one was better than anyone. They were all just trying to get to Jesus and had no problem inviting anyone along that was wanting to find him, too. That's probably a gross misrepresentation. But that's what I saw at the time. And that's what really pulled me in (not the free bagels and coffee).

Anyhoo, when I moved down to Austin in 2005, I was scared to leave my new church; my new faith. What if I couldn't find a good church? What if they were all a bunch of crazy bible-thumping, snake-handling, southern freaks? I knew that Boston church was rather an anomaly for the region. It was like finding a little patch of southern hospitality up in Boston. What are the odds of that? I prayed so hard for God to find me the right church. I was terrified I'd be the only brunette in the whole state. I wasn't sure I could attend a church full of former cheer leading, perfectly coiffed, bleach blond southern belles. I was sure my rough New England edges would chafe everyone down here. I knew God would find me a church. But I thought it would take two or more years of me jumping around from church to church. I was scared my new zeal would wane during that time and what if I just went back to being the same old crappy me. Yah - good thing I had so much faith in God, eh? I mean, finding me a good church - big order - what with him being the Creator Of All Things and all...

I tried one church when I was down there house hunting. It wasn't a fit. One failure to me meant I had proven my theory that I would never find the right church for me in Austin. (Again, refer to the last two sentences of the previous paragraph) When we finally moved down here, I was scared. What if I didn't meet other real God people. What if I just met judgemental fear mongers? What if what if what if?

I didn't give up. I started my two year quest for the perfect church. I found a small start up church in Austin. I didn't have much hope. But I dragged both my boys and readied myself for the ocean of makeup and perfect blond hair-do's. When I walked in, the first person I met was a gorgeous young blond woman. Great. But...no makeup. Hmmm. And she wasn't all pageant mom'd out. I told her I was visiting from the Cambridge Vineyard in Boston and she nearly jumped out of her skin, "I used to go there!" Get OUT. I mentally looked up and thought, "Ok God. I got it. Message received." She dragged me around the church introducing me to everyone. The 2nd person I met was the pastor. Which was surprising. The Boston church is so huge that if you meet the pastor, you pretty much got lucky. Most people at this new church were transplants from other states. There wasn't a perky pageant mom among them (and I know all pageant moms are not evil - it's just a mental hurtle I had to get over so humor me).

That was some time in October of 2005. Since then, the original head pastors (a married couple I still adore) moved to pastor a church in California. Our new head pastors (another married couple), Kenny and Michelle, turned out to be two of my most wonderful friends here. Our church has a new name as of this year - The Bridge Church of Austin. We have new people coming in. I teach once a month. I do the food service. I sing in the worship team. I go to a home group every other week. I try (not so well) to go to a worship home group every week to jam and hang with good friends. It seriously cracks me up. It is just so far from where I was a mere 3 or 4 years ago. My life has nearly fallen apart and I'm just so ridiculously happy, over all. A huge part of that is this church family that God has decided needs to be subjected to me. Ha!

The music director and his wife, Jason and Beth, are awesome. Beth was one of the cute perky ones that I had written off (as is my wont) as someone I'd never connect with. Poof! Instant best friend. She has been one of the most amazing supporters during my whole divorce. Both she and Jason have never withdrawn their friendship from my future ex, either. Neither have the head pastors. And Jason & Beth have produced what I hope is my future daughter-in-law (just kidding Jason!).

The youth pastors (yet another married team), Leslie and Nathan - they rock. Man, I'm typing this realizing I had done my snap judgement dismissal thing on more than half the church! What an idiot I was! Leslie and Nathan are rather quiet initially. Which of course terrifies me. So I probably assumed I annoyed them and just kind of steered clear. Their patience and compassion is immeasurable. Leslie and I have connected on a level that has surprised us both. I just think they are amazing.

That first woman I met? Not only is she gorgeous and blond and from California, but her name is Summer. Honestly. And she's amazingly gifted, funny, and understanding. I really should hate her. But I can't. Plus, she has an amazingly wonderful husband, Justin, who I have to adore because he went to MIT which gives us all our Boston connection. Plus, he's just super nice and laughs at my jokes.

The education director, Kendra, and her husband Jon (one of our lay pastors) are the bomb. Jon is a math teacher (which I would have been had I not bailed in my 3rd year of college). He and I also have almost the same collection of myth & fantasy books. Kendra is amazingly sweet, gorgeous and patient. She has worked the teacher's schedule around my wildly flailing emotional states over the last year. And if you could see their kids - good gravy! Honestly, the most adorable little beams of sunshine you've ever seen.

Another one of my friends who seems to just get me is Erin. She and her husband Brian have been huge supporters and just dote huge gobs of love and prayer over me. Erin - man - I don't have the words. She just gets a whole level of what I've been going through this past year. She has never once been shocked at any level of anger or language that comes out of me. She never judges. She is so amazingly sweet.

And some newcomers to my life in that church - they returned to this church this past year. I found out later they had been members a while back but had decided to go try other churches. Lucky for me, they returned. Deanne & Robert are awesome. He's on the worship team with me. And she is like a younger me - putting out that tough exterior - trying to hide the totally vulnerable mushy interior. Oh I get that. Yah, I get that.

There are tons more and I'd have to write a post about every single family there. But those were the players in my Sunday today.

So blah blah blah. Good grief I do go on!

What got me today is, well, I'm on the worship team. So that means I'm always singing after service. So when they offer prayer for people (the prayer team stands off to the side and you can go ask for prayer for anything from a ripped cuticle to my life is falling apart and my head wants to explode), I'm usually up there singing. When worship is over, I'm wrangling boys and breaking down the food service. Today was no different. Except my wonderful friend Kim already had the food service mostly broken down by the time I got over there. (She's another quiet one I figured I drove nuts. Wrong again.) Anyway, I was running around doing my whole crazy routine. And Robert grabs me and goes, "Come here. We have to pray for you." I was like, uh...ok? I thought it was really cool. He knows about my migraines. He knows the future ex left yesterday. He knows my stress levels. And he knew I would probably go get prayer if I wasn't running around with my head cut off.

So Robert drags me over and there are some of our most amazing prayer warriors - Herb & Georgia (one of the most beautiful faith filled couples who mean so much to me and my parents) and Robert's wife Deanne. So they put me in the middle and lay hands on me and just start praying for me. Just whatever came to their minds. Asking God to be a father to me - like a daddy to his little girl. Asking God to take the migraines away and for healing of my strep. Asking for wisdom for me as a single mom. Asking for strength. Praying protection over my boys. It was amazing. And then, as I'm standing there absorbing it all, I keep hearing more and more voices agreeing in prayer around me. More hands are on my back, my head, my arms. When we were finally done, I open my eyes and look around and I'm surrounded by so many people who were still there, looked over, saw people praying over me, knew my need, and joined in. That blows my mind. They are so LOVING. And CARING. It's not just something they do to look cool. Every single person that walked over there really wanted to add to the prayer. To the power of praying together as a church. For me. Me. Whew.

My church rocks. God didn't make me spend two years searching. He knew I needed a strong church family that would keep my renewed faith grounded. That would foster it. That would hold me accountable. That would lift me up and stand in the gap for me. That would ignore the rough facade I put out and just love the vulnerable idiot inside. Unconditionally. Real God people. These are what I call real Christians. Totally imperfect. And totally willing to admit that. Putting all their faith in Jesus.

God - bless every single one of the wonderful family members you've given me at this church. They are so awesome. They are being your arms around me. They are speaking your words in my ears. They are sharing your love with me. They are being so faithful in their efforts toward me and my family - bless them for that, God. Amen.