Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A St. Patty's Day Rant

Brought to you by the woman who was nearly run off the road about 3 times tonight on her way home from having dinner with a friend.

Dear Idiots Who Are Not Sitting In Jail Charged With Vehicular Manslaughter,

You are idiots. Yes, I realize that as a God-girl I'm supposed to be forgiving. But for the moment, you are idiots.

Please explain to me where in the story of St Patrick's abduction to Ireland, escape back to Britain, fifteen years of religious training, return to Ireland and subsequent missionary work with Christians in Ireland, where is the part about where you're supposed to go drink yourself into a stupor and then get behind the wheel to wreak havoc on the open road? I must have missed that part in my readings. Or on the History channel.

To the chick in the baby blue Jaguar that nearly took out the right side of my car, I hope you didn't eventually kill anyone else. Happy St Patrick's day! I'm sure he's up there going, "Great job, lass!"

To the car with the Cheech and Chong smoke coming out of the sun roof that nearly took out the LEFT side of my car, then nearly careened into the guard rail, somehow recovered control only to ride about 6 inches off the back bumper of that silver car flashing your lights for about 2 miles, right ON! You have captured the spirit of all of St Patrick's hard work.

To the red 5 door car that nearly took out my left front headlight and then sped through stop signs into my own neighborhood, I hope you are appreciating the fact that you're now puking in your own toilet and not one in the county jail.

Hoist a pint. I get it. I did it. But dang, people, killing others with your stupidity is NOT part of this holiday.

Sincerely,

The Sober Chick Who Only Made It Home Because God Totally Rocks

4 comments:

JenKneeBee said...

Scary! I'm glad you're safe though.

Debor said...

Amen. It's become one big excuse to get rip roarin' drunk.

My students thought St. Patrick was a leprechaun.

And more importantly, thank God you got home safely. God does rock!

C. Beth said...

Great post! Funny...but disturbingly true.

Sarakastic said...

I'm going to have a t-shirt made next year that says "St. Patrick doesn't like stupidity"