Saturday, May 31, 2008

My Friday Night Date!

Gotchya with that title, didn't I.

Lil' Bro was sick, as I mentioned before. When Pokemon Boy got out of school, he intended to begin the "fun" of summer vacation as soon as he got home. Alas, I had to keep working. Darn my work ethic and my love of having a roof over my head.

I informed Pokemon Boy that we couldn't go anywhere because his little brother was sick. Apparently, Lil' Bro planned this illness simply to thwart Pokemon Boy's pursuit of happiness. Since Lil' Bro had infringed on Pokemon Boy's inalienable rights, I thought it only fair that I take Pokemon Boy somewhere fun. This brought much whining from Lil' Bro, accompanied by many assurances that he was better and was fine to accompany us to whatever fun we were planning.

I am a mean mommy. I told Mr. Sicky Pants that he had to stay home so he didn't spread whatever it was to all the other kids at wherever we went. I spent the rest of my work day listening to Lil' Bro beg and whine - all while laying on the floor only barely able to keep himself from falling asleep.

My mom came back over to watch Lil' Bro while I took Pokemon Boy to this place that's like Chucky Cheese's on steroids. I usually hate the place. The giant pizza/pasta/salad bar buffet is great but honestly, it's like all children check their manners at the door. And many of their parents seem to have followed suit. Most of the dining rooms have TV screens that take up an entire wall. So I could choose from trying to scream a conversation over whatever cartoon they were showing on Boomerang or the basket ball finals in the other room (packed with mostly dads). It was nice only having one boy there. I was able to carry most of the food stuffs around the buffet. They don't give you trays. So you kind of have to balance whatever you possibly can over to your table, plant your kid down (if you feel safe doing that) and then go back to get whatever else you need. It's not for the faint of heart. It's not for single parents whose kids aren't old enough to leave at a table alone for about 3 minutes. It's not for anyone with anger management issues.

Then there's the ginormous game room. Usually, I'm trying to keep track of two little boys who are 3 1/2 years apart in age and therefore want to do very different activities. With only one boy to track, it was much easier. And since my boy doesn't play video games at home, he didn't really care for the entire section of those sit-in games where you practice bringing death and destruction to all manner of creatures. He rode the bumper cars about 4 times. We played air hockey 4 times. We walked around and looked at the other stuff there but always ended up at the bumper cars or air hockey tables. It was awesome.

We had promised to bring Lil' Bro some prize from the place but the bumper cars and air hockey don't win tickets. So we headed off to Walmart to get something to make Lil' Bro feel better. Little Iron Man toys did the trick. He must have thanked me about 7 times this morning for his Iron Man toys. I was told that he has always wanted them. Always. Which is interesting since they've just come out within the last couple of months. But then, a couple of months is "always" to a 4 yr old.

So I had a really cool date with Pokemon Boy. I will have to have a fun night out with Lil' Bro sometime, too. Just carving out some one-on-one time with each kid is going to be important. Thank God for my mom & dad being around.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Last Day of School and Assorted Whining

Pokemon Boy sprang awake this morning with a smile on his face. That only happens on the last day of school. It was very cute.

Meanwhile, Lil' Bro was still sleeping off the puke-fest he had an hour earlier. He has held down maybe a half cup of water so far. And that's in small ice-chip doses. Anything larger than that comes right back up.

And in whiny mom land, small woodland creatures seem to have taken up residence in my lungs. In about 13 minutes, I have to dial in to a 3 hour conference call. A big portion of which, I will be leading. It will be fun to run through the current state of the annuity administrative system while hacking up small squirrels and such.

Yesterday, I bought a gorgeous frame for Wanda's water color print she sent me months ago. It's on the wall and my mom (who is here to watch Lil' Bro) thinks it's gorgeous. So does Lil' Bro. So do I. Once I get a new camera, I will post a shot. Wanda, you rock!

That's about it. Very exciting and glamorous, this lot.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Another Fever and Sneeking Peeks At My Own Blog

I sent Lil' Bro to school today. His rash was almost all gone - just hints around his neck and upper torso. So off he went. I had an empty house which was good because I had 3 intense meetings. I had to lead two of them and I had to really pay attention to the 3rd. Not a good time to have a 4 yr old asking me to help him blow his nose or to wipe his bum or whatever.

Lil' Bro came home low energy but that's normal after a day of running crazy with like 852 other 4 yr olds. Ok...more like 18. But I bet his teacher feels like it's 852! Right before bed, he felt hot. Yup. Another fever. So I dosed him up and put him in bed.

I have heard there is this weird mystery virus going around. PerkyPianoMom is fighting a house hold of yick and it seems to be similar to this. It just seems to be this virus that tosses one symptom after another at whoever it currently inhabits. Nothing horrible - just enough to lay you low and make you a whiny mess.

I would like the annoying mystery virus to go away now. God, can you please take care of that for me? Thank you.

Oh, and the 2nd part to this post's title? Yah, I found myself checking my blog multiple times today. I told myself I was just checking for comments but we all know I'm lying to myself because they all come to my email inbox. So I confess: I was "checking" my blog to check out that sultry picture of Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Good gravy that boy is gorgeous!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fare Thee Well, Showtime

Today, I cancelled Showtime. It's an annual occurrence. I order it for the lifespan of one of my favorite shows and usually cancel it after the last episode of the season. Which was many weeks ago. I was guiltily keeping it and watching movies and getting re-hooked on The Tudors. I love period pieces. And I adore Jonathan Rhys Meyers. He is definitely on my "Yes Please!" list.

It was just getting juicy, too. I was torn between saving money and seeing Anne Boleyn reap what she sows when her husband starts wooing Jane Seymour, one of her own ladies in waiting.

But in all honesty, all the cheating this king did (and most of them did). And tearing his own country apart just to satisfy his own selfish desires. Yah, a bit too close to home. My heart will ever go out to poor Queen Katherine of Aragon. I mean A) what a killer name. And B) she was the rightful queen, exiled and dethroned by the woman her husband left her for. Gah.

Although it's beautifully produced and has the most mesmerizing ensemble cast (Peter O'Toole as Pope Paul III? Genius, I tell you. Genius!), I had to bag it to save the pennies. I'll just have to get it when it's out on DVD. HA!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Lil' Mr. Blotchy

Lil' Bro is home again today. He was supposed to resume school. But when I got him up around 7am, he had a light rash on his cheeks. I thought, wow, I need to wash his face more. But he had just had a bath the night before. Within an hour, he had a rash over his whole face, ears and neck. By the time I got him to the doctor around 9:30, it was all over his torso and upper arms.

The good news is, they don't think it's viral or contagious. It seems to be a reaction (not allergic) to the amoxacillin he's on for his strep. He only has one more day of it so they said finish it off. It's not itching him. He doesn't seem to notice it. But it looks awful. But now (3:45pm), the individual spots have all blended together to give him this very sickly looking red blotchy patchwork all over his visible skin. Poor thing.

They said he can go to school tomorrow. But he's so low energy. I'm not sure he'll be up to school. He's been on the couch and very quiet all day. Not exactly what I'd call school-ready.

Anyway, that's my update today. He's still cute. Just blotchy.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

And Have I Mentioned That My Church Rocks?

Man I love Sundays. Because it means I get to go to church. And if you knew me like some of you reading this know me - you'd know how funny that sounds. If you could go back and talk to me back in...oh...say...anywhere between 1986 and 2004 and tell me that someday I'd be totally stoked for church every Sunday, I'd probably ask you what you were smoking.

I may have mentioned that my step-2nd-cousin (and that's real) invited me to the Cambridge Vineyard (now the Greater Boston Vineyard) back in February of 2005. I almost said no but God poked me in the head and reminded me of all the years I talked about "someday" finding a church while never actually trying to find one. I went with a good friend - both of us ready to bolt at the first sign of weird. The first sign of weird ended up being Trish testifying in what would turn out to be a foreshadowing of her book (I'm just kidding about the weird - she was cute and perky - which to me was weird). But at the time she wasn't my favorite author - she was just some goofy Christian Pollyanna wife with whom I'd never have anything in common. Oh yes, because I was just way too cool. Thankfully, God cured me of that misconception and turned that church into my new family that gently got me turned looking in the right direction - straight at God in stead of all the stupidity surrounding me. It was the first church where I felt like people were completely imperfect and very open in admitting that. No one was better than anyone. They were all just trying to get to Jesus and had no problem inviting anyone along that was wanting to find him, too. That's probably a gross misrepresentation. But that's what I saw at the time. And that's what really pulled me in (not the free bagels and coffee).

Anyhoo, when I moved down to Austin in 2005, I was scared to leave my new church; my new faith. What if I couldn't find a good church? What if they were all a bunch of crazy bible-thumping, snake-handling, southern freaks? I knew that Boston church was rather an anomaly for the region. It was like finding a little patch of southern hospitality up in Boston. What are the odds of that? I prayed so hard for God to find me the right church. I was terrified I'd be the only brunette in the whole state. I wasn't sure I could attend a church full of former cheer leading, perfectly coiffed, bleach blond southern belles. I was sure my rough New England edges would chafe everyone down here. I knew God would find me a church. But I thought it would take two or more years of me jumping around from church to church. I was scared my new zeal would wane during that time and what if I just went back to being the same old crappy me. Yah - good thing I had so much faith in God, eh? I mean, finding me a good church - big order - what with him being the Creator Of All Things and all...

I tried one church when I was down there house hunting. It wasn't a fit. One failure to me meant I had proven my theory that I would never find the right church for me in Austin. (Again, refer to the last two sentences of the previous paragraph) When we finally moved down here, I was scared. What if I didn't meet other real God people. What if I just met judgemental fear mongers? What if what if what if?

I didn't give up. I started my two year quest for the perfect church. I found a small start up church in Austin. I didn't have much hope. But I dragged both my boys and readied myself for the ocean of makeup and perfect blond hair-do's. When I walked in, the first person I met was a gorgeous young blond woman. Great. makeup. Hmmm. And she wasn't all pageant mom'd out. I told her I was visiting from the Cambridge Vineyard in Boston and she nearly jumped out of her skin, "I used to go there!" Get OUT. I mentally looked up and thought, "Ok God. I got it. Message received." She dragged me around the church introducing me to everyone. The 2nd person I met was the pastor. Which was surprising. The Boston church is so huge that if you meet the pastor, you pretty much got lucky. Most people at this new church were transplants from other states. There wasn't a perky pageant mom among them (and I know all pageant moms are not evil - it's just a mental hurtle I had to get over so humor me).

That was some time in October of 2005. Since then, the original head pastors (a married couple I still adore) moved to pastor a church in California. Our new head pastors (another married couple), Kenny and Michelle, turned out to be two of my most wonderful friends here. Our church has a new name as of this year - The Bridge Church of Austin. We have new people coming in. I teach once a month. I do the food service. I sing in the worship team. I go to a home group every other week. I try (not so well) to go to a worship home group every week to jam and hang with good friends. It seriously cracks me up. It is just so far from where I was a mere 3 or 4 years ago. My life has nearly fallen apart and I'm just so ridiculously happy, over all. A huge part of that is this church family that God has decided needs to be subjected to me. Ha!

The music director and his wife, Jason and Beth, are awesome. Beth was one of the cute perky ones that I had written off (as is my wont) as someone I'd never connect with. Poof! Instant best friend. She has been one of the most amazing supporters during my whole divorce. Both she and Jason have never withdrawn their friendship from my future ex, either. Neither have the head pastors. And Jason & Beth have produced what I hope is my future daughter-in-law (just kidding Jason!).

The youth pastors (yet another married team), Leslie and Nathan - they rock. Man, I'm typing this realizing I had done my snap judgement dismissal thing on more than half the church! What an idiot I was! Leslie and Nathan are rather quiet initially. Which of course terrifies me. So I probably assumed I annoyed them and just kind of steered clear. Their patience and compassion is immeasurable. Leslie and I have connected on a level that has surprised us both. I just think they are amazing.

That first woman I met? Not only is she gorgeous and blond and from California, but her name is Summer. Honestly. And she's amazingly gifted, funny, and understanding. I really should hate her. But I can't. Plus, she has an amazingly wonderful husband, Justin, who I have to adore because he went to MIT which gives us all our Boston connection. Plus, he's just super nice and laughs at my jokes.

The education director, Kendra, and her husband Jon (one of our lay pastors) are the bomb. Jon is a math teacher (which I would have been had I not bailed in my 3rd year of college). He and I also have almost the same collection of myth & fantasy books. Kendra is amazingly sweet, gorgeous and patient. She has worked the teacher's schedule around my wildly flailing emotional states over the last year. And if you could see their kids - good gravy! Honestly, the most adorable little beams of sunshine you've ever seen.

Another one of my friends who seems to just get me is Erin. She and her husband Brian have been huge supporters and just dote huge gobs of love and prayer over me. Erin - man - I don't have the words. She just gets a whole level of what I've been going through this past year. She has never once been shocked at any level of anger or language that comes out of me. She never judges. She is so amazingly sweet.

And some newcomers to my life in that church - they returned to this church this past year. I found out later they had been members a while back but had decided to go try other churches. Lucky for me, they returned. Deanne & Robert are awesome. He's on the worship team with me. And she is like a younger me - putting out that tough exterior - trying to hide the totally vulnerable mushy interior. Oh I get that. Yah, I get that.

There are tons more and I'd have to write a post about every single family there. But those were the players in my Sunday today.

So blah blah blah. Good grief I do go on!

What got me today is, well, I'm on the worship team. So that means I'm always singing after service. So when they offer prayer for people (the prayer team stands off to the side and you can go ask for prayer for anything from a ripped cuticle to my life is falling apart and my head wants to explode), I'm usually up there singing. When worship is over, I'm wrangling boys and breaking down the food service. Today was no different. Except my wonderful friend Kim already had the food service mostly broken down by the time I got over there. (She's another quiet one I figured I drove nuts. Wrong again.) Anyway, I was running around doing my whole crazy routine. And Robert grabs me and goes, "Come here. We have to pray for you." I was like, uh...ok? I thought it was really cool. He knows about my migraines. He knows the future ex left yesterday. He knows my stress levels. And he knew I would probably go get prayer if I wasn't running around with my head cut off.

So Robert drags me over and there are some of our most amazing prayer warriors - Herb & Georgia (one of the most beautiful faith filled couples who mean so much to me and my parents) and Robert's wife Deanne. So they put me in the middle and lay hands on me and just start praying for me. Just whatever came to their minds. Asking God to be a father to me - like a daddy to his little girl. Asking God to take the migraines away and for healing of my strep. Asking for wisdom for me as a single mom. Asking for strength. Praying protection over my boys. It was amazing. And then, as I'm standing there absorbing it all, I keep hearing more and more voices agreeing in prayer around me. More hands are on my back, my head, my arms. When we were finally done, I open my eyes and look around and I'm surrounded by so many people who were still there, looked over, saw people praying over me, knew my need, and joined in. That blows my mind. They are so LOVING. And CARING. It's not just something they do to look cool. Every single person that walked over there really wanted to add to the prayer. To the power of praying together as a church. For me. Me. Whew.

My church rocks. God didn't make me spend two years searching. He knew I needed a strong church family that would keep my renewed faith grounded. That would foster it. That would hold me accountable. That would lift me up and stand in the gap for me. That would ignore the rough facade I put out and just love the vulnerable idiot inside. Unconditionally. Real God people. These are what I call real Christians. Totally imperfect. And totally willing to admit that. Putting all their faith in Jesus.

God - bless every single one of the wonderful family members you've given me at this church. They are so awesome. They are being your arms around me. They are speaking your words in my ears. They are sharing your love with me. They are being so faithful in their efforts toward me and my family - bless them for that, God. Amen.

Saturday, May 17, 2008



Last night, survived another migraine. It wasn't as bad as the last one which is why I was mistaking it for a sinus headache all day. Until mom stopped by to check on me. She watched the boys while I went to lay down. After a while, I finally ended up kneeling at the porcelain throne. Gyeck. I can tell you this - I could never be bulimic.

Today, future ex actually left. I mean, assume he did. That was his plan. So I assume I officially have the state of Texas to myself now. Mr. Texas-Hater is gone. Mixed feelings. I'm glad to have him out of my hair. But the betrayed abandoned me is a bit on edge. Rather brought up all the old feelings again. I started out the morning asking God to take all the vengeful thoughts away - turning it all over to him. Again. *sigh*

A while ago, Pokemon Boy came up looking rather pensive. He said, "It's kind of weird. I'm not really that sad about dad leaving. I mean, I was sad when he came to say goodbye. But I'm not that sad today." I could tell from his demeanor, he felt guilty about this lack of sadness. So I sucked up my rage at future ex and put my spin on it. "Well, it's probably because you know you'll see him again. And also, I've asked tons of people to pray protection over you and Lil' Bro's hearts - so God can keep you from hurting over this. So I guess God is taking care of you." At this, Pokemon Boy gave me a big smile. But I can tell he still feels weird about this - I guess he thinks he should be broken and crying today. My sweet deep-thinking boy.

Lil' Bro hasn't mentioned it. I imagine his 4 year old memory banks aren't quite making the direct connection that daddy drove away today.

My awesome Sis-In-Law called this morning to make sure I was ok. She's so sweet. I'm so glad I have her as a friend. Even after the finalization and legal death of my marriage, she will still be my sister-in-law. But mostly she will be one of my best friends. Thank you God for preserving friendships with the important people in that family.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Oh...PS - Lil' Bro is behind me. He just told me, "I wish I was in heaven. I wish everything wasn't real." Me: Hmmm. "You wish everything wasn't real? How come?" Him: "So our bodies could stay in heaven forever." Interesting.

Apparently, I have two deep-thinking boys. Oh God, give me the wisdom and words to raise these boys right.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Page 123

Princess Sarakastic rules. It is precisely for this reason that I do everything she tells me to. But also because I love fun memes and really love to break up the monotony of my whining with fun memes.

The rules are:
1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people and post a comment to the person who tagged you once you’ve posted your three sentences.

At the risk of making my regular readers all roll their eyes and groan - yes the closest book at hand is - you guessed it - Trish's 'He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not'. Seriously, though - I just brought it up to my office today. It's been down in my kitchen for about a week. What are the odds? So let's try this thing:

"Will I not choose to praise? Will I not believe? Can I not dance on the day that you set me free?"

Dude - if you could see in my head just how perfect that was for me to read. Seriously. I may just have to do this meme like once a week.

OK, I tag all of my regular friends. I'd love to see the outcome of this meme for all of you!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Tornados and Tears

Well last night was just all sorts of fun. And please picture me saying that looking all sorts of annoyed.

Future ex came up last night to hang with the boys and say goodbye. He leaves early on Saturday. As he was beginning the goodbyes, the storm that was wreaking havoc just to the west of us decided to wreak havoc directly on top of us. We've been through storms that looked way worse than this on the Doppler. But when I opened the front door, I have to tell you, I've never seen a sky like that. I have never seen just non-stop lightening that is just all over the sky. It was like someone put a giant cloud bowl upside down over our town and the lightening was constantly flickering all through the cloud bowl. That is the most retarded description when I read back over it. But that's really what it was like. I wish I had video taped the lightening.

So future ex was explaining when he'd see Pokemon Boy again. Pokemon Boy was crying and begging him not to move away. I kept checking outside - watching for a funnel every time the lightening lit up the sky. Just as Pokemon Boy was getting really upset - and I mean REALLY upset - it started hailing. So future ex either had to leave or possibly hole up with us for the evening. I for one wasn't really wanting the latter. He had to drive off in a deluge of rain and hail dramatically punctuated by the most freakish lightening show. As he drove off, Lil' Bro stood very silent. Pokemon Boy ran inside the house crying, "I can't watch him leave!" But he ran back out into the garage to watch him drive away.

Pokemon Boy is like me. Vocal and verbose. Lil' Bro just sat real close to me on the couch while we watched the Doppler radar. Pokemon Boy was distraught and just dying inside. It was so hard to juggle. I really needed to listen to the storm reports but I needed to comfort Pokemon Boy. He was crying and pouring out his heart with phrases like, "This is the worst day of my life!" The storm seemed to just confirm his feelings.

He eventually calmed down into a quiet brooding funk. He was upset about his dad and terrified of the storm. The weather radio kept beeping and it quickly escalated the tornado watch to a tornado warning. At this point, the weather alerts overlay anything you're watching. We watched the Doppler radar show the storm settle right on top of our street. We watched the little gold swirling arrow indicating rotation in the clouds turn into a red swirling arrow indicating rotation or possible tornado. It was close. Then the weather radio said a tornado had been spotted in our town. But I heard no sirens and the live TV weather guy wasn't saying anything like that. We shortly lost power a bunch of times. We lost our cable twice.

At one point I told the boys that all we can do is be prepared and give the rest over to God. So we stood in the middle of the living room with flashlights in hand and just talked to God. We said, "God we're scared. This is pretty harry right now. We just really need you here with us and ask for your protection over our house and our whole area. Keep us and our neighbors and grandma & grandpa safe, God. In the name of Jesus, we just ask for your protection over us," at which time Pokemon Boy added, "God, we just ask you to help all the areas that need help right now." I love how big that boy thinks.

I felt pretty ok about things but I will admit that I was a little scared a few times. Especially when the lightening was hitting all around us and hail was pounding the house and we kept losing power. So to give the boys something to do, we emptied out the entry closet. Then, we took all the cushions from the patio furniture (we pull it in during bad weather so it doesn't go flying all over the neighborhood) and lined the entry closet (it's narrow and very long). Then I got this foam mattress and put it on the floor of the closet. So we have a perfectly padded little cave in there now. They got their favorite comfort toys from bed. We had 3 flashlights. We put blankets in there. When the storm got real noisy and scary and they were telling us we should probably have things like padded closets ready, the boys wanted to get in there. So they climbed in and I sat in the doorway watching the TV. It would have been fun if it wasn't potentially serious.

Anyway, to my knowledge, no tornado touched down in my town. There was lots of tree damage around the area. Some schools in Austin were closed today because of all the damage.

After the first storm in the storm line passed us, the boys went to bed. I stayed up watching TV - flipping between CSI: Miami and the Doppler. It was hard to go to sleep because the power kept going off and coming on. Every time it would come back on, it would make some awful noises with the AC unit that sounded like a killer in my attic. Yah. I watch way too much TV.

I let the boys sleep in this morning. The emotional toll of their dad's departure was worse than the storm. I drove Pokemon Boy to school and clued his teacher into what had happened. She asked if he had known this was coming. Yes, he did. She said that explained how he's been behaving lately. He has had a tough time lately - keeping emotions in check. When your life spins out of your control, you tend to grip tighter onto the little things you CAN control. In his case, he became very aggressive with his little brother. He also didn't handle things not going his way at school very well. I love his teacher. She thanked me for letting her know and I knew she would be loving and supportive of him. She adores him.

Lil' Bro doesn't seem to be upset today. But then, it's hard to tell with little Mr. Stoic. There are so many people praying over my boys, I have no doubt God will bring them through this just fine. I just hope God gives me the wisdom and the right words when I need it - when they hit the bumpy parts.

So there you go. I'm tired and faking it today. Somehow, God always gives me bosses that are moms. They are very patient with me.

Have I mentioned lately that God totally rocks?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Couldn't think of a snappy title that covers this. So I leave it at that.

This weekend, the boys' father will be leaving to move back up to Boston. That's about 2000 miles away. While I think that, eventually, the boys will be fine and not much will change, I also realize that his actual goodbye and departure will be traumatic for them. It bothers me on a level I hadn't thought it would. But they still adore him and can't understand why he would leave them. Pokemon Boy is being extremely brave and saying things like he'll go visit dad and it won't be that bad. But I'm not looking forward to this weekend at all. I'm not looking forward to the potential tears and hurt my boys might feel.

Anyway, I have a myriad of feelings about the subject. None of which are healthy to bare here. But suffice it to say, the actual physical departure of the man and his truck load of stuff bugs the crap out of me. It's the physical manifestation of his abandonment of his family for this other woman. Makes me sick.

And the other shoe will drop in late July. I finally have the court date for going and signing the papers. Which is the physical manifestation of the death of a marriage that I thought would last until one or both of us died. I thought I'd be all "Woo hoo! Let's party!" But I'm not. When I got the letter from my lawyer giving me the date, a funk settled over me and hasn't quite lifted. It feels damned close to depression. I'll just call it mourning. I still can't believe it's happening.

Last night, I had all sorts of weird dreams. Dreams that dealt with wanting to be loved, moving, insecurity, impermanence, cheating. Lovely lot, that.

I have small group tonight. I wish I could spend the whole day with my small group. I feel like going there tonight, curling up on the couch and just being...whatever. I'm usually the Pollyanna cheerleader - the gung-ho, God-rocks! girl. And he does rock. I just don't have the pom poms out right now. Which is another reason God rocks. He doesn't care if my pom poms are at the ready. He doesn't need me shiny and happy all the time. He doesn't expect it. He's totally ok with my little gray cloud hovering overhead. He's totally ok with me wallowing in it for a bit. A BIT, mind you. I have no doubt that, if I wallow too long, he'll send someone to thwack me upside the head. But for now, he's surrounded me with awesome loving people.

And I know he's got my boys. They're covered. They might have to feel some pain this week. I know I will. But God's got their backs, too.


Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day

This is a shot of a wee Michelin-man-esque me back in 1966. I'm on a beach with my family. This is me and mom, nose to nose. How she could heft a lard sack like that is beyond me. The picture has aged and the detail in the face is a bit hard to make out. But this picture still kills me.

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. Lil' Bro came down with strep late last week so Sunday's dinner was cancelled at my house. Well, postponed until next Sunday. But my boys made my day awesome, none the less.

The first thing I thought when I woke up was, "God, thank you for making me a mom!!!"

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Pollyanna Warm Fuzzy Fluff

I am having one of those really awesome days. Which is weird. Because I have a raging sinus headache. This one is allergy induced. I doubt I'll be kneeling before the porcelain throne this time around. But it's a mere annoyance since having the reference point of debilitating migraines.

Lil' Bro is home sick today. I think his are allergies, too. But I'll be jamming a flashlight down his throat later to check for white spots. I'm told some bad stuff doesn't always kick up a fever. So who knows.

So even with the headache and a sick coughing 4 yr old, I'm having a great day. Here's why.

Work is actually good today. I am on this project that is overwhelming and ambitious. There are a handful of us that are trying to do analysis on over 100 systems to see if we can make them fit into this enterprise-wide data solution thingy that will help our company hugely if we pull it off. So a smidge of pressure.

Every time we group up to hand out assignments, we all walk away with about 4 systems to tackle. I seem to have the golden touch of finding systems that are out of our scope. Everyone else seems to have the touch of having to wrestle with 4 systems. So I get mine done and then go ask the boss, what can I do? It's just what you do when you find yourself twiddling your thumbs. So right now, I have about 5 systems on my plate. 3 of which are pretty much done and turned over to the programmers. The other two are started and my documentation is sent out for review by the system experts. So I'm in a holding pattern.

I IM'd my boss and said, "As much as I'd rather go shopping, I thought I'd ask what else I can do." I didn't think of it as any big deal. But she really thanked me for "always asking". Which I thought was a nice compliment. I tend to look at it as, I'm just lucky to have systems taken out of project scope. So I should help out. But it's nice to know that my boss appreciates the fact that I don't just go shopping and pretend I'm really swamped.

As much as I feel bad having Lil' Bro sick, I do love having him around. He's a good little guy and is content to sit on the couch in a Benadryl induced haze, watching bad Scooby Doo movies. But I took him out for lunch and that is always fun. I don't get a lot of one-on-one time with him. Pokemon Boy got 3 years of that. This little guy was born into being one of two. So that was a nice little treat.

On the way home, we stopped by mom & dad's house. Mom was outside gardening so we got to visit with her quickly.

When I got back here, I found out that I was to help lighten the load on one of my favorite coworkers. I like all of them but he's my favorite on this project. It felt good being able to help him out.

So I was just sitting here after talking to him and I was hit with this overwhelming sense of needing to tell people how much I love them. So here I am. Telling you guys I love you. Because I had a good day and am overflowing with happy feelings. And because I'm a Pollyanna dork. But in all honesty - those of you that I communicate with regularly here? - I adore you. And I feel really blessed to have this kind of connection and support in such an unlikely place.

Oh and Sarakastic - if you want a cool post on ketchup, check this one out from Wanda.

You guys are beautiful. Don't change.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008


I thought I'd do a quick catch up (hence the pithy title). Not much to say but I'm sure I'll stretch it out to a War and Peace length tome anyway.

The Saturday after my last post, I didn't have my kids. My plan was to wake up late. I woke up at 6, then 7, then finally at 8, I lost the sleep battle and got up. But 8 is sleeping in in my mother-of-school-aged-kids world. So I guess I should be happy.

I was checking my email early and found one from one of my girls from church. She's going through a really rough time. The kind that makes you think, what am *I* whining about?! I called her and asked her plans for the day. She had none. Great! I hopped in the car and talked to her the whole way to her house. Upon arrival, I kidnapped her and drove to the closest Borders bookstore. We promptly went and found Trish's book. Only one copy left - which I bought to give my friend. So Trish, you're officially sold out in an Austin Borders! Way to go, frog girl!

I had intended to go visit a multitude of other book stores to find Trish's books and face one copy out. But my friend suddenly remembered that the Pecan Street Festival was happening in downtown Austin. I love street festivals. I love all the booths that sell everything from greasy food to amazing art to stuff you don't need but buy anyway. My friend bought me a b&w print of this amazing photograph - a closeup of a buffalo's head. The photographers specialized in horses, wolves, buffalo, donkeys and the like. Sounds bad in type but was AMAZING stuff. When I get the print back from the framers, I'll post a shot.

After dropping of my friend, I headed up to another bookstore in my town. I faced a copy of Trish's book - top shelf right next to John Tesh (which made me giggle). And I bought another one.

After grocery shopping for the church food service, I got home to find my neighbor was having a little cookout (this was 9pm). So I went over and hung out with them and a host of family and friends.

Sunday was church (yeah!) and then lunch with my wonderful BigSis. That's always fun. She always takes me to places I have never heard of. And they're always awesome.

Afterwards, I picked up the boys and we headed to a pot-luck dinner my church has every first Sunday of the month. It was fun and reminded me how stinkin' blessed I am.

SO my weekend was one giant reminder that God has provided a plethora of family, neighbors, friends & church family.

Yesterday, the future ex came up with a van and got the rest of his stuff. Drum kits, family heirloom furniture. Things like that. The boys were pretty ok until he took a rather prominent table & mirror from the entryway. At which point Pokemon Boy asked him, "Are you sure you're not taking too much?"

It's just stuff. Things. I don't need things to remind me of people. The day annoyed me, though. It kind of brought back the over all cruelty of his actions. The physical reality of his abandoning his family. Not that I want him back. But he destroyed a family. And is running gleefully to another woman and life. I doubt he can see big the void is to which he runs. *sigh*

This weekend is Mother's Day. And I get to have my mom here with me - again. Last year, she was here rescuing me and dad had roses shipped to us. This year, we get to have dinner at my house with my BigSis and the TallGuy. How cool is that? I got my mom a photograph from a recent festival in the town above us. I can't say what because there's a slight chance she'll remember how to get to my blog and read this. I also plan to pamper her with my BeautiControl products. I'm going to "spa" her while she's here. Should be fun.

So there's my incongruous update.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Abby Who?

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.

Well, today I received a very impersonal "letter" from my doctor. It's a form with a list of lab tests that can be done. And on the back, toward the bottom, it informed me of the following:

MRI OF YOUR   Brain     Normal    Yes

I believe there are those that would argue the "normal" part. But there you go. No woodland creatures have set up house in my brain.