Friday, September 10, 2010


BigBro is having a rough go of it this month. The boys' dad moved back to town on 09/01. He's a 5 minute walk from our house. He's not mopey and he's already helped me out with sharing the kid care almost every day.

The boys are thrilled. many emotional obstacles. BigBro finally uncorked at my friend's house tonight. Huge meltdown. All of the conflicting emotions he's been bottling came flying out when one teeny thing happened. Here's what was in the volcano:
  1. BigBro hesitated to show how happy he is about their dad being back. He thought it might hurt me.
  2. We are letting them choose where they want to sleep pretty often. BigBro was worried if he wanted to stay with parent A, it would insult or hurt parent B.
  3. He's afraid dad will leave again.
  4. He's glad dad is back but knows he really wants to live in Boston. He feels bad that dad can't be where he wants to live (I personally also think he feels guilt over this).
  5. He feels bad that dad gave up all his friends.
  6. He feels bad that dad gave up his band, job, life, etc.
  7. He worried about dad's ex-girl thing because, well, he saw what a breakup can do.
He also feels guilty for having most of these feelings. It's a horrible vicious cycle.

Tonight, the boys were at my friend's house, playing with her two boys and a few others. The Ex and I went out for Indian food - the boys are not fans. Just as we wrapped up dinner, my phone rang and my friend told me BigBro was having a big meltdown and she wasn't making any headway with him. She got him on the phone and he wasn't making any sense. He was way beyond losing it.

When we got there, she came out to meet us. He had calmed down enough and uncorked on her. I think it helped having a totally neutral loving safe person to talk to. She explained that some game had gone bad (some boys not following rules - which sets BigBro off on even a good day) and that did it. UNCORK. So that one little pinhole became the egress for all of these pent up emotions. He had communicated #4-7 to me the other night. But I hadn't know all of the rest.

The boys went home with their dad tonight. I'm hoping that goes well. He hasn't had to deal with this close up for quite a while. I wish I had them. Ah well.

But to back track - since their dad returned, BigBro has been having exaggerated blinking, his finger/hand action (Spidey Hands), shoulder shrugging, and multiple little verbal tics. His threshold for dealing with problems has dropped. He's been having little emotional explosions here and at school. One happened this morning at school.

So the signs have been there. I knew something was up. And I knew it coincided with the return of The Ex. I know it's normal. I'm not worried about this being some long-lasting thing. But I can tell you this: I'm making an appointment with our awesome child counselor on Monday.

If you're the praying kind, my boys need it. LilBro clams up. So this could all be going on in his head, too. I don't know yet.

Like I told BigBro - God is bigger than this. He'll help BigBro control his body again. Now that we know what's going on and how to counter it. Come on, God!


Sarakastic said...

I will pray for both of your kids and you as well

in other news I love the background of your blog, its like all of my favorite colors but unlike when I try to decorate with them, it looks good!

in other other news my word verification is nobody all phonetical if phonetical was actually a word.

C. Beth said...

Wow, I will definitely be praying for them. It's interesting how even positive changes can be SO stressful! I am really, really, really thankful that the boys have two parents who love them so much.

wingsofpeace said...

Hi, glad to find your blog, my son is almost 7 and just got TS diagnosis

wingsofpeace said...

nice to find your blog, just found out my almost 7 year old son has TS

Jane said...

I'm so very sorry I've been away for so long. I had no idea he moved back. I can only imagine how confusing it must be for the boys. Divorce is so hard on the kids. Kendall is going to be 12 this month and part of me is afraid that she will choose to live with her dad. She's having a hard time at our house. Girls these days are so difficult to begin with. I know the kids feel torn so much of the time. They shouldn't have to go through this. I'm glad you are going to get some counseling. That's such a good thing to do. It also really helps that you and your ex are on relatively good terms. If you two can continue to remain friendly in front of the boys, it should help a lot. I'll put you guys in my prayers.