Dear Scary Neighbors,
Your dog is lonely. Apparently, he is also without food or water quite frequently. Whose idea was the ginormous metal bowl? Is there a way that you can either keep said bowl filled with, oh...say...food or water or bolt it down to your back porch? Because when he seems annoyed by the lack of food or water, that little toss game he plays with that METAL bowl...on your CEMENT porch...yah, that's good times. It's fun to listen to at, say, 1:18am. So maybe, could you play with him? Or take him inside when it gets hella hot? Because, I'm not sure if you've noticed but this is Central Texas. And it gets hot outside. And your back porch takes the brunt of the afternoon sun and hottest time of day. Your dog doesn't have air conditioning. Or water. I checked.
Oh and also, could you mow your lawn? And perhaps pick up the garbage around your property? And possibly not smoke pot so obviously on your back porch where my boys can see? And can you ask that one guy - you know the one - to please wear a shirt when he's mucking about in the back yard?
Signed your neighbor that was just once again jolted awake by a loud metal-on-cement sound.