Tourette's News and Other Stuff

Tourette's News:
I heard this on KLOVE, of all places. Found it out on Reuters. Nothing earth shattering here but an interesting read. Another version of the report points to the fact that TS is found predominately in white kids (compared to black or Hispanic). Also, more prevalent in boys than girls. Just an interesting read.

Other Stuff:
I was just having a quick IM session with one of my favorite friends and authors, Trish. Talking or typing with her always makes me happy. I love knowing her. I often refer to her as one of the pillars of my spiritual support. She is one person I turn to when I want to be happy or freak out in crisis. I love having people like that. She laughed with me when I called her cell to inform her that I just purchased a very respectable "girly" top from Anne Klein. She dropped everything when I called her from a hotel room in pieces because my marriage had just imploded. Friends like that are gifts from God.

But what we were laughing about in our IM session revolved around a recurring amusement in our relationship. How I saw her speak at church one Sunday in February 2005. And I immediately dismissed her as some pampered "Christian wife" that had it all together and wouldn't have anything in common with me. I didn't like her. I wrote her off as just completely out of touch with any reality I might know. A few weeks later, when I took a class on seeking faith, who do you think one of the leaders of that class was? Yup. Trish. I remember seeing her and thinking, well, this class is a bust. Thankfully, God loves to show me how wrong I am but in a fun and humorous way. The long story short (that I think I've blogged about before) is that she is one of my most trusted and loved friends. A true friend sent from God.

I have so many friends in my life that have similar starts. My wonderful friend Kristen and our other friend Alicia - I did a similar thing. My first encounter with them was...I think at a friend's party. They were fans of this band - I was friends with most of them and was very protective about the guys and who tried to gain access to them. I was pretty smug and not very welcoming to girls who tried to enter our tight little circle. I sized these two up as groupies and didn't really pay them any mind. Fortunately, they were NOT groupies. Well, they LOVED the band. But they weren't just vapid chicks trying to hook up with a popular band. They actually ended up marrying two other friends of mine that I knew through that band. And they have been two of the most supportive loving friends I've ever had. They were pretty much the only two people we let babysit Pokemon Boy when he was a baby. They have driven me to doctor appointments, one of them drove us home from the hospital when Lil'Bro was born. And to think I thought they were just annoying groupies!

Yes, I realize all of these stories are a huge revelation that I am one big huge judgemental snot bag. But the beauty of it is, in stead of God stomping on my head with his ginormous steel-toed boots, he just shakes his head and makes these people I have misjudged my new best friends.

I was sitting here going through a list of friends that fit this pattern. It's pretty funny. Well, it's pretty pathetic, from one view. But over all, it's more funny. To me, anyway. Thank you, God, for not stomping on my head.

In another "Woo-hoo, God rocks" report:

God has once again rocked the money thing for me. I'm not sitting here saying that I expect God to constantly drop found money in my lap. But it seems to show up when I least expect it. And I am always seeming to have enough money to provide for my needs.

I remember back in that faith seeking class I mentioned above in my Trish story, they talked about tithing. When that subject came up, I remember thinking, "There it is...the price tag every evangelist eventually tosses at you!" But it wasn't like that. There is so much more to it and I'd need a whole blog to get into where it came from and why we still continue it today. But the part that stuck out in my head has always been the fact that it's the only thing God says "Go ahead, test me in this! See what happens." [ref. Malachi 3:8-12] Most everywhere else God kind of warns us not to put him to the test. But this, he says, go ahead - tithe and see how I bless you. I've seen so many people tentatively try it out. And I know so many people who have amazing stories that surprised them. I tell you, since I became the single person responsible for my household finances, I have finally really given like I wanted to. It started out rather sparingly. I was scared to give too much away at first. But man, every time I have hit the straights, God provides what I need out of the most unexpected ways. I'm not talking excess or lottery winnings. But I'm just blown away how it always seems to appear right at the right time.

So right now, I'm doing ok. I'm still living off of my severance package. And I will confess I have been treating the boys and myself to a few too many frivolities. I've been starting to wonder if it will stretch. Will I be able to keep the house? Will I be able to get out of the non-house debt I've dug myself into before it all runs out? But through it all, I just keep saying, Ok God, I'm trusting in you here. Whatever happens - house/no house, debt/no debt - I know you'll work it out. I'm not waiting for my big American bling bling lifestyle. I don't want that. I just want enough to raise my kids, meet my obligations and still be able to give some away. And I've been able to.

Today, I met with my financial advisors. And without going into boring details, I have basically just had a huge (in my book) amount of found money come into play. And it has no tax implications because it's from after-tax money (I've already paid taxes on it a long time ago). And it's just enough to be able to pay off the remaining amount of non-house debt I have. Still giving me a good chunk to either put into a retirement fund or into a rainy-day liquid fund.

This blows my mind. Because I dug myself into quite a hefty bit of non-house debt since the beginning of 2007. Between the actual legal costs of divorce, what I paid out in settlement and then the whole guilt spending resulting from said divorce, I had quickly racked up an amount that made one of my church friends gasp (but to be fair, she's a completely debt-free person). That was the amount I started chipping away at in January. Right now - 6 months later, I have it decreased by more than half! And I'm about 2 weeks away from being able to wipe it all out and just have a mortgage to chip away at. That is mind blowing to me. And that is all God. Every tiny bit of unexpected found money that has come my way in these 6 months went to pound away at that debt. And now this!

I know this is not very profound because I'm not putting numbers out there. I'm not really thrilled to say, "Hey, I'm stupid enough to have racked up $xx,xxx.00 in debt in a mere two years!" But you can fill in those Xs with any numbers and you can see it's substantial. Especially for a single mom who got laid off this past January.

God just keeps rockin' the rescue. He keeps providing. Even when I mess up my own finances. He's not a head stomper. He's a loving father that is amazingly patient with us. He has always had his hand out to me - my whole life. I'm just so glad I finally realized it back in 2005 and turned and REALLY took it.

God, thank you for the awesome friends you put in my life. Thanks for the new ones you're introducing me to right now. And thank you for always providing what my boys and I need. Whether it's money or love from my parents. You're so awesome. I love you.

Touching Base With Y'All

I haven't blogged consistently for so long, I have no idea if anyone still checks this site. For the few who do, I thought I'd check in and say hello.

Being a single mom: I had always said single parents were my heroes. But I said it like you always say things like that. Without full understanding. Kind of like thinking what you might do if a loved one dies or some other tragedy befalls you. You think you can picture it but you can't.

In some ways, it's not quite as hard as I thought. I guess I had thought that whatever made me the single mom would have overwhelmed my world so completely, I wouldn't be able to focus as a mom. So I guess I thought that was where the struggle was. But in my case - you get over the cheating lug. Kind of. God gets me past it. And when the ugliness of it all gets all up in my face again, God's good about keeping me steady.

Right now - this new into it - it's the no-time-for-anything part that gets me. Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a single mom. Stupid, I know. But it's when I look around my formerly pristine house and see a clutter of toys, papers, unfathomable "stuff", that gets me. When I walk by something black, see the dust and can't recall the last time I pulled out the Swiffers. When I walk past that little piece of balloon streamer on the stairs - again - knowing I probably won't vacuum this week, either. When I toss my boys into a tub/shower and am not sure when I last did that. When I get a crap review at work because - bottom line - I can't work overtime. When the boys are bummed because yet another Saturday is spent running errands. When I strip the beds to wash the linens, wondering when I did that last. It's not how I was raised. It's not how I used to do things. It's not how I like things.

My days are filled from the moment I pop out of bed until the moment the boys go into theirs. And then? That's when I know I should get the laundry done, dust, clean my bathroom, pay bills, or whatever else is on my mental honey-do list. I rarely do that. Most nights, I put them to bed, I get ready for bed, I grab my reading glasses & bible and crawl into bed. I read until I start reading the same verses over and over. Then I put out the light, lay down and start asking God to help me. Help me be the mom they deserve. Help me to have forgiveness in my heart for the ex. Help me to keep my job. Help me to keep my house. Help money to appear out of nowhere to pay all the bills. Help me to be ok with just me and God. Help me to make it through if these rumors of layoffs are more than just rumors. Take away the fear, God. Take away my dependence on things, money, houses, this lifestyle. Help me to truly depend on God. Help me to teach my boys the truth about God - not the namby pamby fairy tail version most of us half-assedly believe. Help me to live it. Help me to really believe. Increase my faith. Talk to me. Fill me with your Holy Spirit, God. In such a way that is so real that there is NO way I can have any doubt. Give me a boldness so I'm not chicken to say, guess what, yah, that's right, I believe in God and Jesus and the whole shebang. Help me to stop worrying about what other people think. Help me to have such faith that I don't water down my beliefs - even for family members.

At times, I think he must be so sick of hearing from me. I've been bugging him - pestering him - my whole life.

And then I go to church. I joke with one of the head pastors that I think pastor Kenny preaches every Sunday just to me! This past Sunday, he was talking about the part in Luke 11:9-10, where Jesus is telling his disciples the whole "ask and you shall receive" thing. So many translations lose a very important part of this. It's not "ask once and you get it". The original language there is more like "keep asking, keep knocking, keep seeking." Pastor Kenny used the words "with shameless persistence." Keep asking God - with no shame. Keep asking. This is a God - a dad - who wants to give us good things. It's our persistence that shows A) we trust him and B) we're serious.

It made me renew a few prayers I had kind of given up on. God, take away Pokemon Boy's Tourette's - totally. God, do whatever it takes to make the ex turn and consider you as a viable option. God, save my job. God, save my house. God, help me be that amazing single mom I know I can be through you. God take away the anxiety and depression. God remove these migraines. God, help me find a job working for you. God, use my singing.

I'm not totally over the fear. I'd like the giant band aid of the layoff news to get ripped off so I can just know once and for all. I'm trying to turn everything over to God. I think that will be a life-long effort. But I'm not going to stop asking. I will keep asking, keep knocking and keep seeking. I'm interested to see what God does.

Luke 11
9 "So I say to you: Keep asking and it will be given to you; keep seeking and you will find; keep knocking and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; whoever seeks finds; and to those that knock, the door will be opened."

Psalm 91

There are quite a few bible verses that really speak to me during my whole ordeal. This is one that God showed me when I was praying for the health of our church music director. He is a young guy with a beautiful young family. Right before Thanksgiving, he was looking at having either a brain tumor or a brain abscess - either way, very scary. The brain surgery he went through was a time of anxiety for all involved. That's when I was searching for a verse to send to him and his wife. God showed me this one. And it has spoken to me for every crisis since then.

Psalm 91
1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
8 Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.
9 If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
11 For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
13 You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14 The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16 I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”


The promise in this verse keeps my eyes on God. Especially on those days when I'm in so much emotional pain, I feel like I can't go on. God keeps me going.

And as a praise footnote, Jason, our music director? He made a full recovery and in such a fashion as to amaze all of his doctors and physical therapists. Go God!!!

Claim it

I just stumbled across this blog, and you need to know this is my FIRST EVER attempt at posting something on a blog. Donny will be so very proud. I really loved reading all your posts . ..especially the one that summerized the history of what has brought little [The Boy] and you to this point you find yourself in as a mother. I just wanted to share some scriptures with you that I go through seasons of claiming for Tyler, and I want you to claim them for The Boy as well. Write them on cards - post them on your mirror - pray them back to the Lord as your promises from him. He IS faithful. Believe He can do it! Ok, here's some that I like: "O Lord, my God, I called to you for help and you healed me!" Psalm 30:2; "Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for YOU are the one that I praise." Jeremiah 17:14. Be blessed . .
Kendra