Monday, October 23, 2006

Just Checking In...

I have no real updates, revelations, epiphanies or anything really regarding The Boy. Which is good. I am glad that all I have to write about him is, he's gorgeous, smart, funny, a giant pain in the ass, and the most wonderful six-year-old that's ever been ripped from my abdomen.

One thing I was pondering today: Isn't it funny how most humans have a desperate need to know exactly why something happened? Or where it came from? I'm speaking about the thing almost all of us do. Most people try to trace all genetic traits back to this side of the family or that. Good or bad. We're always trying to connect the dots. As an adoptee, I am particularly guilty of doing this. But, as an adoptee, I've always thought it was just us "disconnected" adoptees who did this. However, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, the practice began. And it came from all sides.

As soon as the kid is born, we're trying to peg exactly from whence came the nose, eyes, ears, toes, eyes, texture of poo. It's insane. Everyone does it. (I have a theory that all the post-partum nurses just say things like, "Oh, he looks JUST like [insert you/dad/any other relative in the room]!" Just as they're trained to tell every mother that hers is the CUTEST baby on the ward. I've seen a lot of newborns. Those nurses lie about 73% of the time.)

It happens at all ages. Not just with babies. My sister and I are both adopted and are like polar opposites. She's the tall, lithe, blond-blue-eyed nordic queen. I'm a dark haired, brown eyed hobbit. And seriously, I've had people say things like, "Oh yah...I see it now!" in response to me saying she's my sister. Oh yah...I see it look...NOTHING AT ALL ALIKE.

Yah, so, I was thinking about this. Because, even with the "bad" traits - everything from hammer thumbs to wide Fred-Flintstone-feet to TS - I'm amazed at how quickly people want to claim it as from "Their Side". I find it odd because, well, when The Boy was born and we discovered he had renal reflux, I cried and went through lots of guilt. I had it as a child and went through tons of tests and surgeries and almost died a few times (cue violins). Fun stuff, that. So of course, even though The Boy came 35 yrs later (ie - medicine probably has a better grip on this now), I just assumed his fate was the same. And shame on me for reproducing and saddling my child with such bad genes and it's all my fault and woe is me. It didn't last long because my husband is wonderful and snapped me out of it. But it happened. And guilt like that happens all the time when there's any kind of non-desirable trait that pops up in a wee bairne. point...what the heck was my point here? Oh right. So with this Tourette's thing, yah, genetically, it could have come from anywhere. And at this stage in my life, I'm very much at the point of "who cares, let's just deal with it." So I pretty much assumed it came from my side since my half-brother had it. Kind of a done deal in my head as far as the genetic tree branch from whence it came. So today, I got an email from my dad-in-law and he was theorizing that it might have come from his side. He has also claimed responsibility for some temper tantrums and other less-than-desirable traits. I just found that funny. Most granparents are claiming the cute humor, the genius factor, the good looks, the whatever-is-good trait.

But as I thought about it, it brought me back to that desire that most of us have to try to connect the genetic dots. And it's not just us adoptees who are just trying to find our roots. I found my roots. I have all my birth family present and accounted for (which could be the subject of a whole other blog!). But I still always try to figure out where everything comes from - who looks like whom, who acts like whom, etc. And everyone else does, too.

Ain't that funny? Or is it just me?

1 comment:

Trish Ryan said...

I've had people offer their theories on the origins of various characteristics of my dog...I can't even imagine what it's like with a child.

That said, Liam got his sense of humor from you; Cai got his fashion sense from Auntie Lord & Taylor :)