Is There a 12 Step Program For Sudoku?

Hello. My name is L.y.n.e.t.t.e. And I'm a Sudoku addict. I have a problem. Or do I? I love sudoku. And when I say "love," I mean like, if sudoku were a God-loving Christian man, I'd totally marry it.

I had seen it for years and thought it was a trendy thing people did to make themselves look smart. I thought it was all math and stuff. Which means I should love it. But being the nonconformist that I am (read "lemming"), I shunned sudoku. I later found out it has nothing to do with math. It's all patterns and sequences. You can replace the 1 through 9 with A through whatever the 9th letter of the alphabet is. Either way, I thought I was too cool to be caught up in such a silly trend. Oh the arrogance of youth. Or the arrogance of...well...last year some time.

Anyhoo...

I don't really remember how it started. I think I was just bored. I tried just a little one. A 4x4 puzzle. I mean, I just wanted to see what it was like. Who knew that would be my gateway puzzle! Pretty soon, the 4x4 wasn't enough. I needed more! Next thing I knew, I was doing simple 9x9's. Sure I started with the easy ones. Beginner level. I could quit any time I wanted. I just didn't want to. I'd look for them in news papers. I started picking up magazines I never read just to see if they had a sudoku in the back. I was hooked. Finally I just accepted my addiction. I went to Barnes & Noble. The big one down by Lowes and PetSmart. They had a whole subsection in the games section. I mean, come on! What was I supposed to do?! Yah. I bought one. But not just one of those piddly ones on that cheap not-quite-newspaper print paper. No. I got the mammoth colossal one. With 300 puzzles in it.

I put the date on them when I complete them. And I put things like "Yikes!" or "Ouch!" if I messed up and had to resort to the solution in the back. I've been a hard core sudoku junkie now since September 2007. And I won't apologize! [insert maniacal laughter with Norma Desmond facial expressions here]

But I think I need help now. Tonight, I Google'd "free online sudoku". I know. It's a sickness. I found my fix. But the thing about the online games? You can't keep your little notes on what might go in which square! You can't write in pencil and erase it from your monitor screen. Trust me. I tried. So you have to really think hard. And they time you. Those sick twisted people! But I finally completed one with no errors and they told me 96% of everyone else who tried this level was better than me. Oh yes, they taunt me, those dealers of free online sudoku! They mock me and draw me into their web of evil. The black hole of free time. Time that could have been spent...oh...cleaning my house before my two aunts show up tomorrow.

Evil evil sequential pattern game makers!

I blame society.