Starting this past Saturday, future ex and I have actually been dividing up the actual physical property. And it's not just a one day job. This will last a while. Going through the myriad of CDs & DVDs. Pulling pictures off the wall. Begrudgingly giving up a very few things from my kitchen. Is this your book or mine? It's a necessary evil - I really do want all of his stuff gone. It will help me in the moving-on department. But the reality of the blank walls and missing furniture sucks. And I have to verbally tie it all up in happy bows, complete with bunnies and unicorns for the boys. Oh don't worry about that table. You'll see it at daddy's apartment. Those pictures were daddy's so you'll see them there. Smile smile smile.
I mean, up until now, "divorce" has been more conceptual. Since the papers and legality of it all is still in the works, the only difference has been that daddy's gone (and mommy's wrestling to keep all sorts of negative emotions at bay). But now, these gaping holes in my home's decor...rather a jolting reality.
But as my counselor pointed out, the reality of those items being gone is helpful to me. Having constant physical reminders of him is not helping me. In all honesty, I want to sell my bed. For a while, I didn't even like sleeping in it. Represents too many lies to me. And how do you ever bring another man into that particular bed? Not that I'm looking to do that any time in this decade. But really - I wouldn't want to sleep in someone else's marriage bed. Or is that just me.
Anyway...blank walls. Yah, I know. An excuse to go shopping. Well, I'm one of those loons that doesn't want to just spend what I don't have yet. So every blank wall or space reminds me...oh yah...one more thing to save up for. I rather thought I had passed this phase - of piece-meal furnishings. Half-finished houses. That's something I thought I had left behind.
New beginnings...blah blah blah. Having trouble seeing the "yippee" in things right now.
Divorce sucks. Avoid it if you can. You can start by not marrying the wrong person. Don't settle. Don't make excuses and convince yourself that the wrong one is the right one. Start well and you'll have a better shot at finishing well.
I don't know what I'm talking about.