Friday, June 15, 2007

Let the Farting Begin!

Now there's a classy header.

Ok. We ate some of the chili. And either I have a magic stock pot that replenishes whatever you take out or I made 952 gallons of the stuff and we didn't even make a DENT. I had 2 servings. Mr. Neighbor had at least 2. Mrs. Neighbor had 1. Neighbor Boy had...I think one...possibly two. Neighbor Girl (also known as Her Royal Highness of Drama) didn't have any - along with my boys. They all had hot dogs (gasp!). The Boy used to love my chili. He'd look like an extra in a horror movie after a bowl of it. Lil Bro was the same. Then one day they announced they didn't like it. More for me and The Neighbors.

Seriously, I have enough to feed the rest of the 'hood tomorrow! Two other neighbors bailed at the last minute so they'll get theirs delivered tomorrow. Maybe I'll just go around knocking on doors with little disposable plastic containers full of chili. Whoever is home (and isn't afraid to open the door) will win a container full of farts. I mean CHILI.

It was good. And since I haven't been eating much, my stomach is wondering just what I've done to it. I've been eating very little servings of everything (I wish it was a lifestyle change but it's nerves). So I had 2 huge bowls of chili, 2 flour tortillas, lots of cheddar and a Coke. Yah...I look pregnant right now. My bloated stomach is happy and horrified all at the same time. And I can sit here blogging and belching all I want! Ain't I just a dainty friggin' FLOWAH!!! (read that last in my best Boston townie accent)

So that's the best part of my day. Work was work. Snooze-a-rama. Future ex called to talk to the boys and I stupidly chatted with him. Yes Wyatt, you can smack me upside the head at church on Sunday. Actually, the short chats lately have been ok. He's dealt with quite a bit of my venting - which helps me. Doesn't help him much but who cares. Tonight it upset me. Don't know why. I told him how the approaching Father's Day is annoying the daylights out of me. All the commercials showing these wonderfully perfect fathers that would never cheat on their wives or abandon their families. Makes me want to chuck whatever is in my hand at my TV. If it didn't cost 9 million dollars (an exaggeration), I might do it. But I don't have another 9 million (another exaggeration) to replace it when I go all Elvis on my TV. I told him that I just don't think he deserves the day this year. It's not for guys who leave their families like this. He said the approaching holiday is ripping his heart out. Well, good. It should.

And here is where the Cybil in me gets nutty. So the angry betrayed me is glad that he knows he shouldn't participate in that day. And that seeing it marked on the calendar at his girl thing's house for her kids upsets him. But the stupid long-suffering me who was his best friend for 16 years...that's the one that hurts about it, too. Not just for him. But for my boys and me. What will my boys do this Sunday when all the kids come into worship from Sunday school with their homemade gifts? While all the other kids are running to dad to present their wares...what will my boys do? I have to ask my pastor's wife about this. And it makes me SO sad.

The worst part is...I told The Boy today that he can call daddy on Sunday. And he said, "Do you think he'll be crying because it's Father's Day?" I was like...oh man. Knowing future ex, yah, he will. And The Boy is all worried about it. My sensitive little man is so worried about how this whole divorce thing is affecting poor dad. All the time. It's so sweet but the incongruity of it makes me want to puke. I get the sense that he thinks dad is the victim here. And I want to scream, "Don't you see? He left ALL OF US for some woman he BARELY KNOWS!!!" But I can't put that kind of crap on a beautiful little six year old.

So on Father's Day, I will try not to let the idiot formerly known as my husband ruin the whole day. And I will post something for you all so you can see how blessed I've been to have three fathers in my life. We can all concentrate on them. Which reminds me...I need to dig up some pictures of them for you guys.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Happy Friday.


Wanda said...

Oh Lynette: I feel for you so much. How hard to have to explain things that never should have to be explained to children.
You are such a good momma, I know it will all work out.
Let's get this weekend overwith! Right!!!
Wish I was full of your beans right now.
Love and Hugs to you and your boys.
Hey, I'm glad you like Jars of Clay. I do too.

Angela Marie said...

sigh... Lnynette! If I could kick his butt, I would! He doesn't deserve you! You are one fantastic woman and momma! And I know too that this will all work out for YOU and your boys.

Your chili beans looked yum-O!

love you lynette! You amaze me!

Kendra said...

I've been thinking about you through Father's day stuff this year. Thanks for venting - honesty with friends is good!!

Hey - chili freezes, doesn't it?? Keep some for me! he!

Love you -

Allie said...

Your chili sounds YUMMY! Albeit fart-inducing.

Days like Father's Day which perpetuate this myth of the "normal" family get up my nose. Luckily my family never made a big deal of them, so when we lost my mum, Mother's Day wasn't as bad as it could have been. Still, it pisses me off every year when the catalogues come out saying that if only you buy your mother this perfume or these candles, she'll know how much you love her. It has nothing to do with candles or perfume.