But as I swing at the bottom of that pendulum (and I must say it's usually me that keeps it swinging), I keep in mind that the pendulum is tethered to my God. I like that image. I also think that God is usually the one that's trying to stop the swinging. He's the one that gets things calmed down. And then I get stupid and start the swinging again.
Oh I'm just chock full of bad analogies. As a service to humanity, I will refrain from sharing any more.
So I was thinking...what would it take for me to take him back? I thought if I listed my criteria, maybe this would lay to rest your fears. But mostly, I thought it might just make me laugh.
Things future ex would have to do in order to be considered as worthy:
- Stop being stupid. Good luck with this one. I'm not holding my breath.
- Get to know God in a real and tangible way. I'm still praying for this one no matter who he ends up with. And I have more hope for this one that for #1 above.
- Shift his priorities from shallow worldly concerns to almost anything higher than that. But shifting to Godly priorities would seal the deal. Not to mention, make him happier.
- Stop pining for his girl-thing. Or better yet...
- Cut girl-thing out of his life completely.
- Stop whining about responsibility. I'd love to see him embrace his job and all the other chores of life with the attitude of, I'm doing this because I love my family.
- Grow up and join the rest of us adults. You can't stay irresponsible and self-centered like we were in our 20s forever. That's what your 20s are FOR, dude. Time to move on.
- Learn what self-sacrifice is about. I'd like to go a week without having to hear about how his happiness is at risk. I'm thinking #2 & #3 would take care of this.
- Understand what God meant when he made the man the head of the family. God didn't give them free reign to be idiots. The original language has been interpreted by many learned scholars as saying, the head of the family has the responsibility to assure his family flourishes. Put THAT spin on it, boys! When you wake up, your first thought should be, what can I do today to make sure that [insert family members' names here] is/are happy? What does my wife need to flourish? What do my kids need to flourish?
- Stop talking about whether he thinks his sideburns are even or not. Honestly, if I have to hear about his sideburns or how small his waist is or guess how much he weighs now, I think I might just lose that Godly patience and shave his whole head. Eyebrows, sideburns, the whole bit.
- Adore me. Since this never occurred during our entire 16 yr history, yah, time to step up and treat me like the precious gem I am. Because let me tell you mister, I was custom made by the creator of the universe. And you should be...
- Be proud to be with me. And if anyone slanders me, you should be the first to jump in there with righteous indignation and a big can of whoop-ass!!
- Have patience with my kids when they're silly and loud and it doesn't quite fit his mood. Do fathers not read the fine print of the noisy kid contract?
- Think about the happiness of his family and its members before his own. See #9.
- Get a clue. Very broad. But very applicable.
- Be able to make decisions and have confidence in them. Just pick a side. Make a decision. Have some confidence in your own abilities. I'll back you.
- Never touch pot again. He's actually trying to do this. But I think he needs help.
It's not a nice rounded number divisible by 5 or 10. But those are what came to mind. Of course, I wanted to add things like, "Have surgery to look like Johnny Depp or Matt Damon," or "Attain perfect 6-pack abs." But let's not get silly.So dad, Big Sis, Brenda? As you can see, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I may be weak, but I ain't stupid!