Monday, July 16, 2007

I May Be Weak But I Ain't Stupid

There seem to be a few people that are afraid I'm going to cave now that future ex is back in town and that I'll just take him back. I can see why people worry about that. I'm riding that emotional pendulum. And it doesn't just have two directions. This thing is wildly swinging all over the place.

But as I swing at the bottom of that pendulum (and I must say it's usually me that keeps it swinging), I keep in mind that the pendulum is tethered to my God. I like that image. I also think that God is usually the one that's trying to stop the swinging. He's the one that gets things calmed down. And then I get stupid and start the swinging again.

Oh I'm just chock full of bad analogies. As a service to humanity, I will refrain from sharing any more.

So I was thinking...what would it take for me to take him back? I thought if I listed my criteria, maybe this would lay to rest your fears. But mostly, I thought it might just make me laugh.

Things future ex would have to do in order to be considered as worthy:
  1. Stop being stupid. Good luck with this one. I'm not holding my breath.
  2. Get to know God in a real and tangible way. I'm still praying for this one no matter who he ends up with. And I have more hope for this one that for #1 above.
  3. Shift his priorities from shallow worldly concerns to almost anything higher than that. But shifting to Godly priorities would seal the deal. Not to mention, make him happier.
  4. Stop pining for his girl-thing. Or better yet...
  5. Cut girl-thing out of his life completely.
  6. Stop whining about responsibility. I'd love to see him embrace his job and all the other chores of life with the attitude of, I'm doing this because I love my family.
  7. Grow up and join the rest of us adults. You can't stay irresponsible and self-centered like we were in our 20s forever. That's what your 20s are FOR, dude. Time to move on.
  8. Learn what self-sacrifice is about. I'd like to go a week without having to hear about how his happiness is at risk. I'm thinking #2 & #3 would take care of this.
  9. Understand what God meant when he made the man the head of the family. God didn't give them free reign to be idiots. The original language has been interpreted by many learned scholars as saying, the head of the family has the responsibility to assure his family flourishes. Put THAT spin on it, boys! When you wake up, your first thought should be, what can I do today to make sure that [insert family members' names here] is/are happy? What does my wife need to flourish? What do my kids need to flourish?
  10. Stop talking about whether he thinks his sideburns are even or not. Honestly, if I have to hear about his sideburns or how small his waist is or guess how much he weighs now, I think I might just lose that Godly patience and shave his whole head. Eyebrows, sideburns, the whole bit.
  11. Adore me. Since this never occurred during our entire 16 yr history, yah, time to step up and treat me like the precious gem I am. Because let me tell you mister, I was custom made by the creator of the universe. And you should be...
  12. Be proud to be with me. And if anyone slanders me, you should be the first to jump in there with righteous indignation and a big can of whoop-ass!!
  13. Have patience with my kids when they're silly and loud and it doesn't quite fit his mood. Do fathers not read the fine print of the noisy kid contract?
  14. Think about the happiness of his family and its members before his own. See #9.
  15. Get a clue. Very broad. But very applicable.
  16. Be able to make decisions and have confidence in them. Just pick a side. Make a decision. Have some confidence in your own abilities. I'll back you.
  17. Never touch pot again. He's actually trying to do this. But I think he needs help.

It's not a nice rounded number divisible by 5 or 10. But those are what came to mind. Of course, I wanted to add things like, "Have surgery to look like Johnny Depp or Matt Damon," or "Attain perfect 6-pack abs." But let's not get silly.

So dad, Big Sis, Brenda? As you can see, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I may be weak, but I ain't stupid!


Kristen said...

I have one more: apologize! For putting you and the boys through all of this, for being so weak and selfish, for not ever being adult enough to speak up for himself, for not going to therapy to deal with his abandonment issues (and for instead inflicting them upon his own kids), for not realizing how much you are hurting, etc. Instead of just feeling sorry for himself, it would be nice to see him be truly sorry for the damage he's done. Fume, fume.

LEstes65 said...

Good grief! How did I miss that one?! Yah, I think he has a long road of apologies ahead, no matter what. There are a lot of very hurt people that were affected by his recent decisions.

I love you.

Sarakastic said...

it's a fine list, a fine list indeed & you deserve all those things & a guy who is wiling to have matt damon-esque surgery!

LEstes65 said...

Sarakastic - we ALL deserve those things. And all men should be willing to have surgery to look like our celebrity crushes. I mean, if they force us to shave and wax our sasquatchness, I think it's only fair.

Brenda Sorrells said...

Great list Lynette! You and your kids deserve nothing less. In fact you deserve it all. Print it out and keep it near by. A quick refresher is never a bad thing. You are so on the right track!!
Love you.

Angela Marie said...

Fantastic List! I have to admit, I was a little nervous with his coming back... Thanks for setting me straight! Seriously!


LEstes65 said...

Brenda - I thought about printing it out and putting it on my mirror. But then I remembered that Liam can read!

Angela - thanks. But I'll take all the prayers you guys want to send up, anyway!

Trish Ryan said...

These are wise, wise words. Perhaps you can log them into one of those programs that translates things. Hang them around your house in French, Greek, Swahili...that way Liam can't read them but you'll be reminded of what God created you for...and that it's the same in every language :)

Sarakastic said...

Thanks for the update on my site not working, it should be fixed now, btw that's the first time anyone has called me lamb chop, hopefully it will stick because ace sure hasn't!

Beth said...

Great list! It's very admirable that you are so strong. So many women just fall into the same circular trap and keep going round and round. (I've been known to do that in the past.) Good for you for not settling for less than you deserve and for knowing that you do deserve more.

Allie said...

That reminds me of a song that's just come out here; "I may be crazy but I'm not dumb" :)

Fantastic list. Everything there is totally necessary.

Stacy said...

You're not weak (or stupid). You're coping.

Jane said...

If you know in your heart that there are too many things to fix and you have no intention of going back to that dysfunction, you have nothing to prove to anyone else. Only yourself. I think you have done one huge, awesome, amazing job at weathering this storm since he originally left. You are one of the strongest, most admirable women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.