Well today, future ex takes a plane to his former home town. 1600 miles away from us. He's leaving a blessed life where the cost of living is actually livable and - most confounding - where his gorgeous boys are. He is walking away from someone who was part of his life for 15 yrs with such ease. It blows my mind. God is good and is keeping the heartbreak down to a dull numb. He is keeping my anger to the same level. I'm prepared to help my boys. It hasn't hit them yet. Pokemon Boy's counselor said it will hit within the next few days when future ex isn't showing up on our doorstep every minute.
Through this whole thing, I have been relatively gracious. He has treated me horribly over the last year - the depths of which I only just found out this past few weeks. He has crushed my heart and taken so much from me. Yet he keeps coming around asking for more. And I give it because, really, what is a little free laundry or a little money or a little this a little that in the grand scheme of things. Some day, I pray he wakes up and realizes the full extent of his cruelty. I hope he wakes up and sees how amazing I was through this whole thing. I hope he wakes up and is truly horrified by every awful thing he did. And I hope his insides are gnawed raw when he realizes he won't see his kids for about 320 days out of each year.
And I still pray that God somehow reveal himself to future ex. In a way that future ex can't just write off as indigestion or some weird dream. May God be the true God of future ex. I'm sad it won't be with me. But I'd rather be sure that future ex somehow ends up in the arms of the only one that can truly bring happiness.
In the mean time, if God sees fit to give him a good whoopin', I'm ok with that, too.