Saturday, May 12, 2007

Happy Mother's Day Eve

First off, happy mother's day to all of you wonderful ladies that support me and always send me love. Even if you don't have a child of your own, the nurturing and love that you give to others (esp me!) puts you in that category of a type of mother. So go out and spend a little extra on yourselves today because I think you all deserve it.

Second, I have to thank my friends Wyatt & Shari. They called me today and the first thing Wyatt yelled into the phone was "DON'T CALL HIM YOU SILLY GIT!!!" I died laughing. And then they offered to be my sponsor - I can call them any time when I am feeling weak! A special shout out to them as they are having contractions and may have a mother's day baby. And they better name her after ME!

I'll give you an update on the boys now.

The Boy: He's six (almost seven) and very aware of things. He was crushed when we announced we were divorcing. It's so hard because he just doesn't want this. And neither do I. And that's all I can tell him. I can commiserate and say I don't want this either. But that's it. At one point, we were laying on my bed cuddling while he cried. He kept saying he wanted to die. I could just FEEL the heart break coming from him. It killed me because it was the same heart break I had experienced multiple times over the last 4 months. I just held him and prayed to God to remove this heart break. That happened a few times. But he's doing a lot better with it. Today, he told me that some day he might have a step-dad. It's so hard not to just laugh and say things like, "Not if I can help it!" But I'm not going to allow myself to turn into a man-hater. So he's right. Someday he might have a step dad - although I can't fathom that kind of thing at this point. He was pondering whether that would bother dad or not. Again, I was thinking, "Hardly - since he already has a replacement for ME!" But I can't say that, obviously. So The Boy is thinking a lot and asking questions and talking about things. We also got The Boy a counselor. He's a Christian play therapist. He seems great and The Boy loves him. He'll go every week until we think it's not warranted. The only thing I notice is that The Boy is showing a bit more frustration and anger lately. Nothing horrible. But just having trouble dealing with things not going his way - like most kids. But it's a smidge more frequent and a smidge more...well...too much anger for the situation, you know? I imagine this is so hard on him - the divorce is NOT what he wants. So I think he's overreacting to any situation that is not what he wants. So I try to be patient. Which is hard. Because I feel so overwhelmed. But God is good and keeps me in check.

Lil Bro: He's three. And he worships daddy. This is really hard. Because my pain makes it hard for me to hear anyone worship future ex. At this particular moment, he is not a man that deserves any kind of praise. But I understand that Lil Bro loves his daddy and misses him. One funny thing that happened a couple of weeks ago: The Boy was crying over the divorce news. It was awful and I was trying to just calm him and talk to him. Lil Bro didn't really understand why The Boy was so upset. So I told him, well, The Boy is upset that daddy won't be living with us in our house any more. Lil Bro thought for a moment and then went, "Mommy...we need to get a new daddy!" I mean, it was just too cute and of course my thought was, "No. Actually we DON'T!" So I explained that we don't need a new daddy because their daddy will always be their daddy. I think he gets that.

So I often repeat a few themes the one or both of the boys:
  1. Daddy is still your daddy and always will be.
  2. The only thing that changes for you is that daddy won't be my husband and I won't be his wife. Every other family relationship stays the same for you.
  3. None of this is your fault. It is totally between mommy & daddy. (This one they seem to understand. Because it hasn't had to be discussed often. Which is nice. But I make sure it's repeated every now and then.)
  4. You will always be taken care of and loved. Always. Nothing in this changes that.
  5. You are loved. You always have been and always will be. (That's an easy one as I tend to tell them this like every five minutes.)
I have so many friends and family praying over these boys - including me. They have such huge hearts for God and I just worry that future ex and his new life will not foster that. He had always supported it while we were a family unit. But I count on God to just keep my boys close to His Heart no matter where they are or who is influencing them.

I know most of you are praying for us. Please keep these boys in your prayers. I know I'll survive. I just figure the more prayer coverage these boys have, the better.

So happy mother's day and thanks for all of the wonderful love you're sending our way.


JenKneeBee said...

Your boys are so lucky to have such a wonderful mother. still praying for you and them.

Beck said...

You're a good mama. Have a happy mother's day and think of all of the good things to come.

Kendra said...

As a kid from a divorce, I think you are saying all the right things. I also know that God will take care of the other details. When I look back on my life, it amazes me how he took care of my heart, my mom's heart, and eventually even brought my father's heart back to Him. He's a good, good God. I'm amazed, too, at how my mom was able to "speak selectively" about my father's past and his character throughout my growing up years. It was the best thing for ME to never know just how ugly thing were for her, even though I am very sure she would have loved to spew out truth at several points in my growing up. God brings about truth in His own time, that's for sure! Love you - Happy Mother's Day!!! How fun to be with your Mommy today!

Wanda said...

Lynette, after reading your post today, and getting makeup on my clean hanky from my tears...I just want to say on this Mother's Day you are my HERO...How I wish I could sing that song to you right now...You are so special and your love and insight for Liam and Cai is outstanding...Keep of the good work, and keep the faith dear girlfriend.
Love and Hug and Prayers

Angela Marie said...

Lynette! Happy Mother's Day to you love! You are the best!

Coming from a divorced family... I wish that I had that kind of support. You are doing everything I would have done if I was in that same situation... we (my sister and I) never got any counseling. It was a mess.

God has his hand over you and the boys. Believe that!

HEY!! Do NOT call him again! My dad had a saying.. "When someone shows you their character, believe them!" Right now he is not good for you. YOU deserve better!

BIG HUG for you!

ellesappelle said...

Happy mother's day!

Man, it sounds tough trying not to destroy a kid's hero worship of their father. That must be really hard for you. Still praying.