Friday, May 25, 2007

Heroes

No, this isn't about my favorite TV show Heroes. This is just a thought about the group of heroes that I've been forced to join. I doubt any one of them chose their hero role. But they are still my heroes. Single Parents. They have always been my heroes. I always knew their role was rough. But now that I'm in it - and just starting out? Well, they are even MORE my heroes.

I know plenty of single parents. Jane is one of my newest heroes. She amazes me. I want to get to the place that I see her in. I want to have the confidence and excitement she has as she attacks each day. And Jane, I know you have your moments - I don't think you're perfect. But you're someone I can look to and say, ok, I want to get THERE. You're an inspiration to me.

My beautiful aunt Brenda. She's another one. I am sadly reliving a version of her story. I find great hope in her story because she ended up marrying one of the most wonderful Christian men ever to have graced God's green earth - my wonderful uncle Larry. My sister has reminded me on quite a few tearful occasions, "Don't worry...God will send you your 'Larry'!"

For the last week, I guess, God has moved me to a much less painful place. When I think of future ex and his girl thing, it doesn't kill me any more. The jealousy, pain and betrayal are all there. Don't get me wrong. But they don't overwhelm me with that heart ache that honestly feels like I will die. I feel more of a...I guess a disappointment. Like, I think about things he's done or they've done to me and I kind of mentally just shake my head and wonder what in the world. I still wish I didn't have to deal with him at all. It would be SO easy if I could just cut all the threads and never have to see him or talk to him ever again. But alas 'tis not to be.

I still pray for God to watch over the big goober. He certainly needs it. He is making horrible life decisions and he needs God to save him from himself. I worry about his own personal issues that have been so glaringly brought to light these past few months. But I turn it over to God and leave it at that.

The stuff that can still put me in panic mode is the child care. Seven years my boys were taken care of in our house by their father. Imperfect man or not, he did a great job. And I never had to worry about them. I watched so many of my friends cry at work after leaving their new babies in the care of someone else. I have no idea how they were able to function. But they did. And now, I have to go through that letting go. I'm much less worried about Lil Bro as he is such a typical three year old. I'm probably worrying too much about The Boy. He'll probably deal just fine. But I do worry about his anxiety disorders and his lack of social boundaries. I've been praying for God to send me the perfect day care solution for my boys. I have some good ones lined up that I am comfortable with. So I am assuming they are what God has planned. But the human mommy still worries.

And then there's the whole money part of it. Holy guacamole! Even down here in the land of affordable housing, day care is expensive. And as all you primary custody parents know, child care payments won't offset even a third of the cost. It just gets scary.

It's hard to keep the anger and resentment in check. I'm so mad at future ex for doing all of this to us. For taking my beautiful boys out of their comfort zone. Of taking their father from them. Of cutting my standard of living. For forcing me to do all of this alone. For making me do all the work.

But God will get me through.

13 comments:

Sarakastic said...

sounds sucky beyond all imaginable belief, but you can do it!

Wanda said...

I take my hat off to Singel Moms everywhere. In our ministry I see so many....but Lynette the good news, I see so many wonderful single moms, making it work with God's help, family's help, the churches help....You will make it too my darling...you will! You are made out of the right stuff!!!
God will not let your boys suffer, they belong to Him too.
Love and Hugs for a good weekend.

Trish Ryan said...

God WILL get you through...and it's nice to know I'm not the only one praying for Him to send your "Uncle Larry."

If anyone can do this exceedingly well, my friend, it's you. What the enemy intends for harm, God will use for good...bank on it.

Love you!

Beck said...

It's a hard job but you CAN do it. ANyone can read the fierce love you feel for your children.

Kristen said...

You're right - God will get you through all this. I think you're amazing to be praying for future ex after all that's happened, but that just shows what a wonderful woman you are and how closely God has you in his arms. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is being a single mom, and I'm so glad that your mom is going to be nearby now for you and the boys. I wish I could be there, too!

Angela Marie said...

I can't even imagine Lynette. You are living one of my worst nightmares. You are in my thoughts and daily prayers. You and your boys, and yes, even him.

God will guide you and your boys through this. He will give you strength and courage.

*note~ Thankyou for the comment and prayer you left on my Memorial post. It made me cry. Thank you! My mom left you a comment too. Make sure you go back to check it out!

Love to you sweetie and have a wonderful day!

Wanda said...

Lynette: I had to laugh this morning when I read your comment on the Memorial Day post. I can't tell you how much I love children, and miss my own grandchilden so much living in Southern CA. But I agree...what's a holiday without a present. How do you explain to a six year old "Freedom" is the presnt!
Love you forever.. and now !

Stacy said...

Single parents do rock. Heroes for sure.

You'll get your Larry. (Hopefully, he won't be named Larry 'cause that's a Veggie Tales name. Plus it'd get confusing with your Uncle Larry on holidays.)

ellesappelle said...

I only just realised I haven't yet commented on this post - what I would have said, had I commented earlier (and I still mean it) is that you're still in my prayers, including the difficulties with income/childcare/etc that just don't help when you're going through emotional crisis too.

Beck said...

Click on your installed sitemeter button.
Click on "referalls".
That will tell you how people get to your site. If they say http://google.com/search?whatever, you can hold your mouse over it and the search terms will pop up. Easy!

Kendra said...

I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for your future. I'm so thankful the Lord has given you some "heroes" who can be a testimony of what He wants to do and WILL make happen for you. He will never leave you or forsake you, for sure! I love reading comments about "Uncle Larry" (aka my Dad!) and knowing what a hero he was in my life as well as a young one who's birth father had hit the pavement. God is good . . . love you!

Monica said...

I'll give 3 cheers for Larry/Dad. I have used my mother's story for countless friends as an example of how God works in wonderful ways.
I have thought about you a lot with the prospect of child care situations. I know it is not ideal. You never know there could be a life long friend waiting there for Liam? I agree the price factor is shocking. It is amazing!!

Jane said...

Oh, I feel so completely in awe of you and very humbled that you would mention me. Where you are right now is right where I am too. I've been really stressing about the finances and overall difficulties of doing so much of this on my own. I see so many of us going through the same feelings. Faith in God gets us there and I pray daily too that He will provide and see me through this hard time to a new and better place. You are in my thoughts daily and I just know that God is providing for you every day.