Thursday, May 17, 2007

Through The Eyes of Sooz

This may seem like a really odd post because of the narcissistic implications here. But I'm going to tell you - when you're husband leaves you for another girl thing, your self image takes a huge nose dive, whether it should or not. You just feel disgusting, ugly, unworthy, fat, loathsome and {insert any negative self image item here}.

I have been wrestling with this for the last few months. When he actually left and went straight to her, what little restoration of self esteem I had done was completely undone again. My head knows that I am wonderful and loved by the One True King so why should I care about the very imperfect affections of one very very fractured idiot. But you guys know what I mean. If you've ever been rejected by someone you love, you know what I'm talking about.

Now all of you wonderful women have been holding me up, standing in the gap and praying for me, sending me uplifting thoughts and verses. My mother and sister constantly do the same. And it helps me SO much. You will never know. One friend that I haven't talked to much lately...she just sent me a mother's day card a while ago after hearing about my situation. And it summed me up so well. It summed me up in a way that I need to remember. I wish I could make a billboard out of it and have it placed right outside future ex's girl thing's apartment. This is what I thought I'd share with you today. Not so much to brag - because trust me, I don't really feel like all of this right now. But as a reminder that each one of us is truly incredible. We just have to remember that. And maybe ask for reminders when we need them.

This is me through the eyes of my wonderful friend Sooz:

...I am here to celebrate the incredible wonderfulness that is *you*. You are beautiful. You are wise and generous and kind. You are freaking hilarious. You can make some of the most absurdly cross-eyed expressions of anyone I have ever met. You can sing better than any living female on this planet and send shivers up my spine like only Ella Fitzgerald can. You are righteous without being dogmatic. You are spiritual without being alienating. You are an extremely hard worker but know when it's time to take a break and play. You love kitty cats. You have beautiful hand-writing. You have the rare creative spirit of an artist while still managing the logic required in computer programming. You love love love everyone in your life with a ferocity. You have one of the most forgiving spirits of anyone I have ever known. You have given birth to the two most incredible and adorable little men in the history of children. You are patient but deliberate. You rejoice in others' accomplishments. You can pull off any hairstyle.

In short, you are amazing. You rock.

If any of you are ever feeling less than amazing, find someone who really knows you and loves you. Ask them to just list a few reasons why they DO love you. It will put things into perspective.

Future ex is giving up all that Sooz mentioned. Sooz could write a few paragraphs listing my faults, too. But love is being able to pull up the good stuff while not letting the bad stuff overshadow it.

Thanks to all of you who help me remember that I am God's special child.


Jane said...

What an awesome friend you have! During my challenges over the years, I have found that all I need is my core group of best friends who lift me and support me. I even have one who is not afraid to tell me my shortcomings (in a constructive way).

Thanks for your comment this morning. Funny, because I have also felt a calling to write a book for years and I have no idea where I would even start!

JenKneeBee said...

you DO rock! don't let anyone let you believe otherwise!

Trish Ryan said...

Sooz is right. I haven't seen your beautiful handwriting, but I've witnessed both the unending love and the cross-eyed expressions. You're a champion of womanly wonderfulness, and the great thing is that (contrary to what magazines will tell you) it doesn't always matter if you know it yourself or not - it just leaks out of you; it's who you are. It's there whether you feel wonderful or not.

Count me in among the people who feel lucky to have you on my side, and to be on your side as well.

Kristen said...

I agree with every word! God bless Sooz for putting it all down on paper for you.

Kendra said...

I need to meet this Sooz . . she nailed you to a tee, and reminded me of just how amazing you are! I knew it, but she put great words to it - and I agree with every one of them! love you, sweet cousin!

Sherrie said...

This sounds like an amazing friend you have. When ever times are tight you should always surround yourself close to those that can uplift you, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

I just started reading your blog. Hope you don''t mind. You sound like an amazing women and mother.

Wanda said...

What a treasure you have in Sooz! She is one in a million, and I hardly know you, but I already know from reading your posts these last few months, that what she says is so so true!
I have a "Kris" you have a "Sooz". We are blessed women.

ellesappelle said...

Hey, that may not be a billboard, but when you think about it, I can read it all the way from New Zealand :) Hugs.

Stacy said...

That's a great note. I'm glad you have such an awesome friend to support you.

Angela Marie said...

What a treasure of a friend you have! Sooze is a keeper.

I too have seen some of these qualities. You are beautiful inside as well as out!

Well, I wish I could hear you sing!