Thursday, January 31, 2008

Does It Come In Threes Or Do We Just Look For It?

Yesterday, my future ex-father-in-law had surgery to remove a mass from his abdomen. It was big. He's lost something close to 60 pounds in the last 6 or so months. He can't really eat well. Even with all of those signs, I still had a gut feeling that it wasn't cancer. My gut was wrong.

I know people fight this and win all the time these days. I did the whole cheerleader thing for the future ex as he cried on the phone to me. But it freaks me out. This man has been a huge part of my life since 1991. I alternately love him to death or want to scream at him. We push each others buttons. Sometimes it's funny. Other times it's stormy. But he's family. For a while.

That part of divorce sucks. As opposed to all those other lovely little aspects of divorce, you ask? Ha. But losing large chunks of family - I hate that.

So I sit here kind of in this limbo land. I'm legally still part of the family. Emotionally, that entire family still keeps the threads intact. For now. But in reality, I'm on the periphery now. Where as, were this 2 years ago, I would be figuring out how to get my little family up there or planning some sort of rescue of...I don't know who. I can't stand being disconnected.

Oh well. For now, I'm still connected. I call my mother-in-law. I even called my father-in-law. He sounded glad for it. We at least cleared the air between us. And I'll pray him through this whether I'm legally his daughter-in-law or not.

Today, I almost deleted an email from my aunt. She sends a gazillion forwarded jokes and dire warnings and things that are almost always debunked on Snopes. We all have that person, right? Well, I was about to delete it but I noticed there was no "FW:" or "RE:" in the subject line. So an original email from her is usually worth the read. Today was...I don't even know how to describe it.

My older cousin is probably all of about...oh...45? 46? We'll call him Troubled Cuz. Yesterday, he died in a house fire. The family doesn't have all the details yet. But the ones that are there bring more questions than answers. There's just no way this was an accidental death in a house fire. I mean, we're all in shock and in reactionary mode so who knows. But the police are investigating the weird twists and turns. I can't even share the details here. But it's the kind of stuff you couldn't WRITE if you wanted to. Jerry Springer would probably say it's over the top.

So we don't know if it's some bizarre accident, murder or an even more impossible suicide. Troubled Cuz has led a rough life. And I have to admit that news of his death would not exactly come as a surprise. But I guess it's the WAY in which he died. And the current mystery. And I just die for his parents and surviving sister.


So I was joking with myself (as I am wont to do). Two major emotional bombs. Where's the third? They always come in threes. Although, when I think that about celebrity deaths, there's always some last minute forth or fifth one that blows that whole theory. But for the few hours that there were only three? The theory is proven! So I laughed to myself thinking I'll only get two and the theory will be blown, yet again.

Ha. No such luck.

Again, I can't put details out here on the small chance that future ex has a lawyer who Google's his clients' foes. But future ex just called. And dropped a bomb on me that has resurrected all of my anger and a good deal of my pain. I'm so angry for my boys' sakes. And selfishly, I'm angry for me. Suffice to say, if future ex moves 2000 miles away any time soon...oh...say...MAY - again, I'm just saying "if" - then I lose the every other weekend break. Not that I like my kids to be away from me. But when you're doing 24/7 mom, alone, you start to look forward to at least ONE night or day alone. But mostly...IF something like that were to happen...I'm so angry that my boys won't have the security of proximity.

I'm not ready to agree with the myriad of souls that say it's better for them if he leaves. I think kids do best with both of their parents within spitting distance.

Blah blah blah. I'm IMing my wonderful friend from Boston who also had the misfortune of marrying a drummer that ain't so grand in the husbanding department. She is very good at giving me perspective. She reminded me that God's brought me through the gutting already. This is just removing a few stitches. In other words, suck it up girlfriend. God's got you!

Anyway. Those are the three things that just hit me yesterday and today. Messed up on all different levels. For one and two, all I can do is pray. For three? I'll rant a little more and then all I can do is pray and trust that this is part of God's answer to a good year's worth of prayer.

God's got my back. I'm sure he can overcome a little more of my rage.


Sarakastic said...

:( i hate it when bad things happen to good people but good things always find their way back to good people

Moanna said...

I'm thinking you learned of #3 because of #1. Your future ex is thinking you'll hold back your anger because his dad's so sick.

I thought there were rules in custody arrangements where the partners have to stay in the vicinity of the children.

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting the other parent to share responsibilities. You have a really strong faith. Most people would start to wonder if God's napping. You inspire me!

Beck said...

This bad stuff is all going to get out of the way and then there'll be nothing but smooth sailing from now on - you'll see.

JenKneeBee said...

Oh dear, I don't think anyone should have to deal with all of these, but you'll pull through it with God on your side. You are such a caring and wonderful mother. I wish I lived closer so I could babysit or something and give you a breather once in while. I'll be praying for you though, hold in there.

ellesappelle said...

Oh no. I'm praying.

Wanda said...

Lynette...thanks for all your sweet comments on my post. LOL I will hopefully be back to a schedule next week and will be able to catch up on your posts.


Barrie said...

Okay. So, now the three bad things are behind you. Well, not necessarily behind you, but out in the open. Here's to some positive in the very near future. Hang in there. :)

Stacy said...

Oh, wow. The bad stuff always does happen in a series, doesn't it?

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Trish Ryan said...

Oh wow. That's big stuff, all of it. I'm adding my prayers to your bowl. Still, though, I can't shake the sense that you and the boys are gonna be okay. Better than okay, even. Romans 8:28 okay. So I'll pray for you to be filled with peace and joy in the meantime, because the path from here to Romans 8:28 can feel long some days.

And MAN do I want to kick your ex. I can almost feel the satisfaction of the toe of my shoe making contact with...anyway. Off to repent :)