An Aside: Six Items of Interest (or not)

I wasn't really tagged by Sarakastic because she's nice and doesn't force anyone to do her fun little items. But I'll take the tag anyway. Her friend had tagged her to list 6 strange things about herself. Sarakastic listed 6 things of interest and I thought they were great. I'm trying to think if there are 6 strange things about myself that I'm willing to post where I know family members check. So I'll keep it family-friendly (not to mention, my 6 yr old genius is more computer literate than me, so I'd hate to have him stumble across confessions of the crack house I keep in our back yard). I'll shoot for 6 strange things but not sure if I'll make it.

1. My thumbs. They're darned strange. If I had the gumption, I'd get up, photograph them and put a picture here. But I don't. Maybe later, I'll add a picture to back this one up. But I have these little hammer thumbs. They're a gift from my birth-mom and her mom. Thanks Ape! I don't mind them. I hated them as a kid because other kids are cruel and will find anything to harp on. So in high school, when the guy you're desperately in love with calls you over to his lunch table just to grab your hands and go, "Check out these THUMBS!" to peels of laughter....um...yah, you might not be thrilled. Now, the only time they would be an annoyance is if I ever wanted to get fake nails - which, unless hell has frozen over and I didn't get the memo, will never happen. The thumb nails are wider than they are high. So yah, I dare some nail company to make one that will fit my thumbs. And then the question would be, why would I put on fake nails to draw attention to my nubs? The other annoyance might be if I ever decide to go bowling. Not candle-pin or duck-pin bowling in which you basically roll a big shot-put down the lane. No, I'm talking the Fred Flintstone bowling where you have to shove your little Vienna sausages into 3 holes in a 952 lbs stone. Now, the bowling balls with thumb holes big enough for my little pork links are heavy enough for a big ol' manly thumb. Ergo, my dainty flower self can't heft them. Again, I think the possibility of this becoming an issue is just a tiny bit greater than the nail issue.
   
   
2. Speaking of Fred Flintstone, let's talk feet. Again, we can thank my birth-mom. I have these little Fred Flintstone feet. Very short and very wide. Much like my afore mentioned thumbs. The toes are all pretty much the same length (like someone cut Vienna sausages in half and stuck them on the end of my foot). The big toes? They're BIG toes. Not long. Ping pong paddle big. And I get that term from my birth-mom. Actually, come to think of it, I think she said my birth-dad had the same ping pong paddle big toes. So I blame them both. It sure does make buying shoes fun. Yes, do you have a size 6 1/2, quadruple E? No? How odd? And please tell me what sadist decided that all women had bananas for feet? Honestly, I see the beauty in all of Carry Bradshaw's shoes. But who has feet that are shaped like that? I mean, aside from my tall slender sister!
   
   
3. While we're obsessing over body parts, did I ever tell you I used to have hair down to my knees? When I graduated high school, my hair was down to my butt. During 3 years in college, it made it down to my knees. Now, being about the size of a hobbit, you'd think that might mean I only needed about 18 inches of hair to accomplish this. However, I'm a larger than usual hobbit. I'm 5'3". So that was a lot of hair. And it's thick. My pony tail is....I don't know what to compare it to. Those hair bands for extra thick hair? I don't know what they think extra thick hair means but I break them usually after the 3rd time wearing them. My hair dresser used to book 2 time slots to cut my hair. He'd cut, wash it again and cut it again. Good thing we liked each other! Anyway, the long Cousin It hair was fun for a while. But washing it was a horrid ordeal. Pony tails gave me headaches. Some woman sat on my hair on the subway in Boston. I didn't know until my stop came and I tried to head for the door. Yah, that was fun.
   
   
4. Hmmmm....what else? Oh, as a kid I used to pray two things every night - very fervently. It was actually more pleading with God. First, that I would wake up and be a boy. Second, that I'd find my "real" parents (this was before anyone knew the term "birth-parents"). It is fortunate for me that God is wiser than I was at that age and he said No to #1 and Yes to #2. I wanted to be a boy because they seemed to be allowed to be rough and tumble and didn't have to wear the dreaded dress! They also seemed to get away with things that girls (or I) didn't. And then - because of the wonderful "reality" of TV - I was terrified to give birth. I didn't want to be screaming, sweating and biting down on a wooden spoon in a big ol' bed with a gorgeous homemade quilt spread over it. And God led my birth-mother to my college dorm phone 2 days after my 20th birthday in October of 1985. One of the best days of my life. Love you Ape!
   
   
5. I want a potter's wheel and kiln. I wouldn't be able to make anything beautiful for a long time but man would that be fun! As a kid, potter's wheels fascinated me. They made little toy ones that I was convinced would behave as real ones. I never got one. I was thrilled when our elementary school art teacher announced we'd be doing pottery. FINALLY! I would have my chance at the wheel! Um...not quite. Pinch-pots are NOT as fun. And in 5th grade, they come out looking like you were on crack when you made them.
   
   
6. As a young girl in the mid to late 70's, I convinced myself that Kate Jackson was my birth-mother. This was based solely on the fact that I had the same hair cut as her in her Charlie's Angels days. Because we all know that hair cuts are genetic.

Well, Stacy already tagged Trish. But I want to see her answers. So I'll tag my cousin Kendra because she's probably the only one that will take the tag. Oh, and her hubby Donny, too. He's good for some good answers!

The Boy's Letter to Juliana

So here is the letter The Boy typed to Juliana (see my post from yesterday, 'The Boy's Huge Heart'). He typed it in pink curly font - perfect to send to a little girl:

Dear Juliana,

I loved your show I watched yesterday! I hope your face gets better soon. But I still think it looks nice! You are about three years old...am I right? Well, I am six and a half. Bye.

P.S. I love your name too.

Love, [The Boy] (and he put his mailing address)

Could you die? I had told him to let me read it before he printed it. I didn't want him to make an innocent yet hurtful statement. I didn't edit a thing - that was all him - first draft, too! Love that kid!

The Boy's Huge Heart

No, The Boy doesn't have an enlarged heart. He has a huge empathetic emotional heart. I think it must be there to offset the anxiety part of him. But it's been there since day one. It's one of the more incredible things about him and one of the main sources of pride for us.

Anyway, yesterday, The Boy asked us to record a documentary for him on the Discovery Health channel. He had seen a commercial for it during a documentary on identical quadruplets he was watching. We hesitated but we recorded 'Born Without a Face' for him. Today I watched it with him and his 3 yr old brother. And I have to say, I was so impressed with both boys' reactions.

Here's the blurb about the documentary:
Toddler Juliana Wetmore was born with Treacher Collins syndrome. She has no upper jaw, no cheekbones, no eye sockets, and has the corner of her ear missing. Doctors say that it is the worst case ever recorded.

I could write a whole blog on how the Wetmore family is now my new hero group. Juliana won my heart. And the heart of both my boys. I told them that, at any time, if this disturbed them (there were surgical procedures and graphic pictures), we could stop watching. They never stopped and they both watched the whole thing. Lil Bro usually watches for a few minutes and then is playing with cars. They asked lots of intelligent thoughtful questions. The Boy made observations that I wish more adults could have. They showed a picture of the newborn Juliana - and I have to say, it is shocking enough to a stranger - I can't imagine what that moment was like for her parents. As most people were, I was focused on her face and the malformations there. The Boy watched and said, "Hey mom. At least she has all her other parts - they're all perfect!" I have to say, this attitude of noticing what she DID have is how her parents approach things. And it was beautiful to hear that this was his first thought. He kept watching and commenting on things in the half-full kind of way he has. Juliana has no ears so has to use hearing aids that vibrate bones near her ears. I just saw the deafness and The Boy said, "Wow - so she can hear with those things on! That's cool," and "So once they build her a functioning mouth, she'll be able to talk!" He was excited when they showed her taking her first steps. I mean, it was awesome.

Both boys were fascinated. The Boy wants to write her a letter. And I found her mailing address which I will tell him about tomorrow. But tonight, as I was getting Lil Bro in bed, The Boy called to me from his room and said, "Hey mom, can you remember to pray about Juliana tonight?" I told him he could go ahead and talk to God about it - he didn't have to wait for me. Well, I wish I had an instant recorder to capture impromptu moments like this. Because I can't recall his whole prayer. But it was so poignant and sensitive and honest - it almost made me cry. I heard him say something to the effect of "God, please help Juliana. Make all the surgeries go OK and help her face to look the way they want it to." There was more but that was the point of it. During the documentary, they said several times that their goal was to get Juliana a functional face. And that she faced a life full of surgeries. At the age of two, she had already had 14 surgeries. The Boy remembers his 3 (relatively minor) surgeries vaguely. He knows they're scary and hard. So this was very close to his heart.

I just love that my boys watched that and didn't giggle, point, make fun of it in any way. They were totally engrossed and thoughtful. And they love Juliana. I can't wait to read The Boy's letter to her.

I love my sweet loving boys.

Real or No Real?

Sorry for the bad game-show pun. But I'm trying to figure out if my kid is just too smart for me or if he's really telling the truth. Or, if it's more gray like, it might not be the truth but he believes it is. Dunno.

The Boy has this habit of absent-mindedly whistling. It's almost constant. While he's on the computer, while he's drawing, while he's doing his homework, while he's walking around, no real pattern. I don't really notice it most times. It gets your attention when you're trying to hear the TV or if it comes to conflict with his younger brother (usually in the form of spittle-inducing shushing sessions). And while it tends not to bug me, it bugs his father a bit more.

Recently, hubby asked The Boy to try to be aware of when he's whistling and to try not to whistle while people are nearby trying to do something like talk, read, watch TV, whatever. The Boy's answer was that it's one of his tics. Hubby told me about this and I thought about it for a while. On another day, I asked him to stop whistling as his brother was trying to sing and they were arguing about it. The Boy then informed me that it was a tic. The way he said it rather implied, yah, it's a tic so I can't control is so pardon me while I continue whistling.

So that's what lead me to ponder this thought. We talked about how he doesn't whistle at church or at school. So obviously he can control it. However, he reminded me that he's able to control other tics at school or church, too. This is just one reason we call him the litigator. But I digress.

Right now, I don't think his whistling is a tic. I think it's a habit. And I think The Boy doesn't really know the difference between the two. That's my gut feeling. However, if someone were able to come prove to me that it was a tic, I would very quickly eat those words and not have a problem with it. So it really is a "dunno" at this point.

Seeing as how it's a very benign habit/tic, I'm not too worried about it. But it really does raise the question: Will my little genius learn to use his TS as a tool with which to manipulate people? If that sounds like a horrible thought from a mother who should always be her son's biggest cheerleader, let me just say that I speak from experience. I am adopted. And I was raised in and out of hospitals for the first 10 or so years of my life. I remember once, when I was in big trouble with my mom, I accused her of punishing me because I was adopted. Fortunately for me, God gave me the right mom and she basically gave me some answer (but not as flip as in my mind) to the effect of, uh-huh, right...that must be it...NOT! Ha ha ha! The other issue with my kidney/bladder health? Well, when I was in school, my urologist gave all of my schools a note that said I had to be allowed to go to the bathroom whenever I said I did, and then later, added that I couldn't do any contact sports. At first, I never abused that. But please find me a Jr high or high school kid that won't learn to abuse the power to leave any class at any time and I'll find you a kid that probably lives under a rock. Or...a kid that's probably just got a much higher moral fiber than me. HA! Anyway, yah, I abused the crap out of that stuff. I mean, I tried to use that note to get out of SWIMMING. Didn't really work as I couldn't prove the risk to my kidney from swimming. But the point is, I tried.

So I will try to stop projecting my own moral limitations onto my beautiful 6 yr old. However, the kid is a near personality clone of his mom. So I do wonder if he will use the TS at some point. Like now.

We'll see.

An Aside - Past Loves That Would Never Be

So I was reading a favorite blog by Sarakastic and saw her post today was about past "loves" - ie celebrity crushes from her past. Her list totally cracked me up. So I will jump on her band wagon and share with you some of the crushes I had as a young girl.

Now mind you, I was always one for the under dog. I always felt horrible for the celebrity that lived in the shadow of another (usually less deserving) celebrity. If you keep that in mind, my list will make a bit more sense to you.

Bobby Sherman
Poor Bobby lived in the shadow of David Cassidy and Donny Osmond. He outrocked them both. And he appeared on the Partridge Family once, I believe. I had a poster of him in my room (thanks to my brothers, I think) that I kissed goodnight almost every night. I had this album cover hanging in my band's rehearsal space in Boston in the 90's (much to the dismay of the boys in the band). He's an EMT now, I believe. Honorable in retirement. That's my boy.



Lee Majors (circa Big Valley)
When I was little, I had this big idea that my dad looked like Elvis Presley and Lee Majors. To me, my dad was infinitely more handsome. But I did have a big crush on Heath Barkley on Big Valley. He was the most handsome of the brothers. He was quiet and brooding. And Lee Majors had that way of squinting with one eyebrow raised that reminded me of young Clint Eastwood.







Parker Stevenson
Parker had to play second fiddle to the vapid Shawn Cassidy on the Hardy Boys. Parker totally had it goin' ON! My junior high room was covered with pictures of him pulled from such lofty publishing as 'Tiger Beat' and 'Teen Beat'. He didn't make the cover as often as Leif Garret (whose name I can't spell and don't care enough to research) but I didn't care. I loved parker even until after his divorce from Kirsty Alley. Still think he's adorable.



Sam Elliot
Now I have to admit that my love for Parker lead to this crush. Parker and Sam were in this awful movie called 'Lifeguard'. I think that was my first time seeing Sam Elliot. He was an older man with a sexy mustache (and might I add, I can't stand mustaches). I was smitten. But I generally have always liked him because he's a great character actor and has a sexy voice. And I'm a dork. I couldn't find a good shot from the movie but this is a great shot of the man and his 'stache.




Steve McQueen
Not quite the underdog you say? Well, he wasn't quite as huge a heart throb as many others in his day. He was another one that was way under rated compared to some in his day. He was amazing. Quiet and smoldering characters that were hard but usually had heart. He was amazing in everything from 'The Magnificent Seven' to 'The Great Escape' to 'Papillon'.







Johnny Depp
Yes, I've left the world of the underdog here. But let me say, I jumped on this bandwagon back when Johnny was almost nerdly in 'Platoon'. It was solidified in the schlocky but wonderful '21 Jump Street'. And I nearly puked up my heart when I saw him teaching that girl to kiss in 'Cry Baby'! This shot was from 'Cry Baby' and just proves why anyone in their right mind would fall for Johnny! I dare you not to think that's absolutely freaking dreamy.




Billy Zane
I like the Billy Zane from the movie 'Orlando' - before he was pulled into attempts at making him an action hero (like the horrid 'Sniper'). He's usually sans hair these days - like in 'Titanic', he had some hair piece glued to his head. Honestly, with a budget like that, they couldn't have made the wig look a bit less like a wig? I do have to say he's pretty hot bald - but I liked him best in his long-haired Orlando snippet.







Christian Bale
Another one not quite in the underdog category. However, I feel Christian is sadly underated. Not only is he wonderfully easy on the eyes but he's a great actor. I first saw him in 'Newsies', 'Swing Kids' and 'Little Women' - he was rather too young for me to crush on then. But he has grown up and has earned a place in my "if [insert name here] is in the movie, I'll watch it no matter how bad" category. He single-handedly redeemed the Batman movie genre in my mind. So he was the American Psycho. So what? I'll take two, please.

Is There a Healthy Kid Anywhere in America?

Honestly, I would like to meet a kid in elementary school that is healthy. All the kids in my neighborhood are taking turns coming down with something that just knocks their socks off. The Boy's 1st grade teacher has told us that she's been missing 3, 5 or 8 kids on any given day. Monday, when I called my local doctor's office (and it's a big medical building with like 8 pediatricians and an urgent care unit) , they were BOOKED SOLID. So I had to go 2 towns over to have The Boy seen.

Three weeks ago, The Boy had that lovely runny nose, bad cough and fever thing going around. He ended up getting antibiotics for a respiratory infection - the cough was bad enough to kick off the gag reflex - always a good time. He missed 4 days of school one week. The next week, he was doing well and made it to Friday before spiking another fever. It was on and off over this past weekend. On Monday, it resurfaced so we took him in. The Boy had his first ear infection ever at the ripe old age of six and a half. So more antibiotics only because he'd had fevers for more than 72 hours at this point. Bummer. But I'll take the antibiotics over the bad alternative. The Boy is really good about drinking his milk with acidophilus in it.

The only part of illness for The Boy that reminds me that he has more anxiety than some kids is when the discomfort hits at night. I mean, no one is their best when they're woken from sleep due to discomfort or pain. When his ear woke him up one night, he panicked. So when I got there, he was asking if he was dying and telling me he thought he was going to throw up. I don't think he was nausiated. I think he was panicking - having an anxiety attack. I felt his chest and his heart was pounding out of his chest. It was awful. I got him to calm down and take deep breaths. So that was good. But he was drenched in sweat and I couldn't do a think about his ear pain.

The other part of illness that is hard with The Boy is getting him to take meds. Unless it tastes totally like liquid candy, it will be a battle. Lil' Bro (who is only 3) will pretty much take anything I put in his syringe. He might make a face if it's yucky but he'd probably take Chinese herbs if he had to (which I take and let me tell you, THAT is some nasty stuff!). With The Boy, what should take 30 seconds can be dragged out to more like 20 minutes. He does everything from just freak out crying to refusing to take it to saying wait! and asking a million questions. It's so frustrating because you know he feels bad and you're trying to be patient. But honestly, I just want to scream at him when he gets like that. What I ended up resorting to was threats. I just told him, from now on, every time I say it's time to take his meds, he better walk right over and take them with no delays or protests. Every time he freaks out, throws a fit or tries to delay, something new goes off limits. Surprisingly, it worked. Today, Hubby was able to give The Boy his meds twice with no drama.

But the anxieties that come out during his illness are exhausting. I have no idea how parents of children with serious anxiety disorders do it. I understand and appreciate The Boy's anxiety being mild. But it really does make me think parents of kids with serious problems are my heroes. God bless them all.

An Aside: Trish Tag Fun

I've been tagged by my favorite new author Trish. And after the last few posts here, I think we could all use a break for a little goofball fun.

Okay, here goes:

1. YOUR REAL NAME:

L.y.n.e.t.t.e (I like to put HRH before this but rarely do people use that)

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first three letters of your name, plus izzle)

Lynizzle. Even my gansta names sounds white-bread.

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three of your last)

L-Man...or Lest, depending on which last name. L-Man seems to work the best but conjurs my testosterone laden side.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)

Green Cat? Now that's just odd no matter what.

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, Street you live on):

Oh this one doesn't work even for a soap opera. Lou Meadowside. Why do all my names sound male?

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom’s maiden name)

Estlyhaw. Or Manlyhaw. I have too many names.

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink)

Green Dr Pepper? Green Coke? Green Water? Green Scotch Straight Up Make It A Double? I haven't the foggiest.

8. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad’s middle name, 1st letter of a sibling’s first name, last letter of your moms middle name)

Ytuawes. Gads...I don't even think THIS one would be pronouncable in the middle east!

9. YOUR STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/body spray)

CHANEL N°5. Honestly, what would the number 5 conjur for all the clean-minded patrons!

10. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father’s middle name)

Marie Edward. That would actually work. Rather non descript without trying to sound TOO clandestine.

Ok, I'm tagging Kendra because I want to see her answers. I need the giggle. Thanks Trish. That was fun!

"I don't think I have Tourette's any more..."

I just came down from putting The Boy to bed...again. He went to bed and we prayed as usual. I came downstairs and The Boy followed a few minutes later. He said that he hears a beeping. We asked if it was outside - no, it's in my head, he said. I asked if it was a constant high pitched thing or a beep beep beep. He laughed at the beep beep beep thing and said it's like someone saying "Theeeeeeeeeeeee" for a long time. So I'm assuming it's some kind of high pitched whine he's hearing. I've had what I thought was tinitis (sp?) before - it's a constant high pitch that sometimes you can ignore and sometimes it seems to overpower everything else around you. So I'm assuming it's like that.

Anyway, he asked me to come up and pray to God about it and I was happy to. During my prayer, I asked God that, if this was part of his cold, to please take it away. And if it's part of his Tourette's, please let him control it. At this point, The Boy goes, "Oh mom, I don't think I have Tourette's any more." I said, "That's awesome, honey!" "I still have the feeling every now and then but I don't think I have Tourette's any more." I just love his mind. To him, it's done. He's not worrying about it. I think that's great. We hear him tic'ing all the time so we know it's still kicking around. I love that, with all his worries, TS isn't one of them.

I credit God with that. We have prayed so hard over The Boy. I always ask God to give The Boy the strength to control his body. So tonight, I prayed, "If The Boy still has any Tourette's, let him control it, God."

I love God for helping The Boy handle this.

A Rocky New Year

So my cousin Kendra just poked me last night (via family email) and reminded me that I haven't posted anything here in a while. Now, I must confess, I have been busy following and praying for the brain surgery of our church music director, for Darlene and her son Mark, and tending to some very difficult and life-changing events in my own immediate little family. So I confess my distraction and apologize to those few friends and family who check this site regularly.

But it's exactly this stress in my own little family that I should have been writing about. Without going into great detail here, suffice it to say that things have been rocky in our household since just after the new year. And when the house is rockin', The Boy's tics come a'knockin'.

I have been asking for prayer for my family - specifically for God's protection over the boys as none of this has anything to do with them. So having said that things are rocky and that we've been covering the boys in prayer, let me tell you how things have looked.

The boys have had to indirectly experience some tension, tears, and aruing. At one point, they were in bed and I assumed very deep asleep. I was so incredibly upset that there was no holding it in any further. I was in my room crying hard into my pillow. And I mean HARD. I knew the sound was going beyond my not-so-sound-proof pillow but didn't know how much. After I had been at it for a good 15 minutes, my door suddenly opened. I looked up expecting to see the disapproving look of my husband. In stead, I was greeted with a white-faced panicked The Boy. He's seen me cry when a beloved cat died. He's seen me cry over movies. He has never seen me crying with the despair that was hitting me at that point. And he was scared. It was horrible. And I was so upset I couldn't even stop. I was able to reign it in a bit but still had to try to explain things to him between gulping sobs. Yah. That'll do wonders for a kid - let alone a kid with TS that has anxiety issues. I got up and helped him back to bed. We prayed - for me & daddy, for our family, for The Boy to sleep.

Here's where I can show you what God's answers to my prayers of protection look like. The next day, I expected to be drilled with questions. I expected tics to be more pronounced. I didn't really know what to expect. The Boy and I talked very briefly - I reiterated that last night was not normal and daddy and I were committed to working on fixing things and it had nothing to do with Lil Bro or him. He accepted that. I have asked him to just pray that God make our family stronger. I haven't seen any tics arise that weren't already there. I haven't seen any tics increase. I mean, not timed with the beginning of all of this.

To me, that's God answering some very strong prayer.

So to update you on The Boy...his tics currently include this little...man, I never know how to describe these things. Like, if you've ever pretended to be a whining dog, you make a little close-mouthed mmm-mmm-mmm sound, you know? Well, when he's tired or distracted, he often just makes one of those every few seconds. It's not loud so I doubt most people even hear it. It's much more pronounced when he's tired. He is still making this little sound like if you make a over-pronounced P sound - like if you were going to imitate the sound a horse makes when they whinny. But it's very quick, not like a full horse whinny. This sound comes out mid sentence, after ever few words. Actually, this tic has been lessening lately.

His Spidey-hands thing started again for a while. I still see it here and there but not as severe or compulsory as when he first had it back in May 2006.

His anxiety is still there. It manifests a lot in his worrying about time or schedules. He is hyper aware of what time things should start and end. If there is no schedule, he's usually ok but if there is something new, he usually wants to know any parameters as soon as possible so he can get his grip on how it affects him - if that makes sense. When we get ready for the school bus in the morming, there are often conversations around what will we do if we miss the bus? What if the bus comes early? How will we know if the bus already came? And this often amazes and frustrates me because we stick to a very tight schedule in the morning and are always on time and have never missed the bus.

His lack of boundaries (social & personal) are becoming more of a problem as he gets older. When you're four and you run up to a stranger, get right in their face and start grilling them with questions, well, that's just cute. When you're six and do the same thing, people act uncomfortable. He has trouble knowing when to stop with being goofy. I take full responsibility for that trait and blame my birth-father for passing it along. HA! Yes, that can just be being six. But I also know The Boy, me and my birth-father and how we all had trouble with this. Most first graders are starting to recognize social limits and are starting to read body language & facial expressions better. The Boy is oblivious to any of that. If he got one laugh, he's sure he can get 274 more with the same joke or pratfall. I'm 41 and still wrestle with that one. But it goes along with his inability to recognize boundaries.

We haven't started any of the behavioral therapy yet. I had thought we might not need to start. I'm still wrestling with, do we let him be himself and just learn as he goes (like most of us do) or do we start getting him therapy to recognize boundaries and possibly squash a normal and beautiful part of his spirit? It's a tough call. So far, his lack of boundaries isn't causing any real problems - no more so than other kids his age who are still learning social graces. So I'm kind of inclined to leave things as they are.

As for his physical tics, we ask God to give The Boy the ability to control his own body. And I really feel God is honoring this. Only time will tell. But I'm still praying and believing big.

I know there are more tics that are happening right now but I can't, for the life of me, think of what they are. So obviously, they're not that awful if I can't remember them.

Happy New Year

On this day, I am keenly aware of my blessings of health and beautifully whole children. As I keep my daily cyber-vigil with a new blogger friend Darlene, I am reminded that The Boy's TS is a cake walk compared to what some people are dealing with. As I shared with a couple at church today (one of many people at church that have been enchanted with The Boy), I told them about The Boy's TS. They both remarked that it was sad that he will have to wrestle with this but how great it is that it is so mild right now. I still thank God for that, too. And as I get ready to pray for our 37 yr old music director as he prepares for brain surgery on Tuesday, again, I am reminded that my burden is light - and not even a burden at all.

Tonight is New Year's eve. The Boy (6) and Lil Bro (3) both tried to stay up until midnite. Lil Bro made it to about 10:45 (amazing) and The Boy made it to about 11:30 (also amazing). They are both asleep in their tents (thank you Big Sis & Her Ridiculously Tall Husband) in the front room. I made little beds in each tent and crammed the tents around the Christmas tree. [The picture above shows THe Boy peaking out from his hippo tent. The hippo mouth opens and closes to let kids in and out. It's big enough to actually fit me in there. You can't quite tell but Lil Bro's tent is an elephant. The pink ear flaps are rolled up to expose mesh windows.]

Anyway, we all stayed up playing games and just enjoying each other's company. At one point, I just sat there watching Hubby & The Boy play Uno Spin and Lil Bro just play with the Candy Land pieces. And I felt the need to soak this up. To soak up the pure carefree closeness that I know one day I'll crave. I felt that, if I didn't fully appreciate the beauty of this evening, Darlene would tell me I would regret it. Because I know memories like this - memories of precious moments with her Mark - are probably helping her through her hell. But I also know that times like this are gifts from God. And on a larger scale, the fact that I'm sitting in a well heated home in a safe neighborhood where no war is being waged and nothing is taking my attention away from those two beautiful little faces...that is a huge gift from God.

I have to tell you two quick stories and then I'll leave you all to go pray in the new year:

1) Last week at church (Christmas Eve day), our pastor's wife, Saundra, gathered the children at the front of the sanctuary to light candles on a birthday cake and tell them the story of Jesus' birth. As she started setting up the story, talking about why we celebrate his birthday, Hubby and I hear The Boy pipe up, "How do we know how old he is?" Fortunately, this was appreciated with some laughter and Saundra answered his question saying he'd be about 2000 years old. I think that impressed The Boy. It just cracked me up but also made me happy that he felt comfortable enough in our church to ask an honest question.

2) This week at church, I was teaching the toddler class. The rest of the younger kids stayed in the service so The Boy sat with Saundra. At one point, I'm told pastor Barry was talking about different ages - he must have been saying something like "little kids and older kids" because The Boy piped up and said, "I'm middle aged!" - I assume he was meaning he's not a little kid and note quite an older kid. Again, his honest comment got light laughter. Barry didn't miss a beat and said something to the effect of, "Well, if you're middle aged, I'm in big trouble!" I was told this after church by someone who had obviously gotten a big kick out of The Boy's freedom of speech.

Love that kid.

God bless you all this year.

Lovin' the Laughter

I'm sitting here listening to my two boys playing together. They're chasing each other around the house with pillows from the study. It's that kind of gleeful laughter that only kids can make (happy kids, that is). I turned to watch them and noticed The Boy's eye movement (tilting his head forward to see when he rolls his eyes up). It's so automatic, it doesn't interrupt his playing.

A new thing developed today. The Boy was laying on the couch watching some mindless Disney show and we heard this little "Mm...mm...." like about every 10-20 seconds. The kind of quick "mm" you give someone as you're listening to a story. An abbreviation of "mm-hmm", you know? He did it through the entire show. Never heard that before.

Earlier in the day, as I was playing with him (which entailed wrestling, hugging and kissing all over while he yells, "[Lil Bro]! Save me!!!"), I noticed lots of verbal tics happening but with his mouth closed. I'm wondering if he's subconciously suppressing them by clamping them behind a closed mouth. Because he didn't seem to notice he was doing the tics or the closed mouth. Who knows - could be that he's teaching himself ways to socially control things. I only noticed it because I was literally in his face during the play time.

The good thing is, it didn't interrupt his play. It didn't stop the squeals and laughter. And I am lovin' the laughter!

Holiday Stress?

In my last report, The Boy was doing swimmingly. Few to no tics and things were great. You'd think that, for a six year old, starting your almost-month-long winter vacation would totally mellow you out. But alas, we've noticed quite a pronounced increase in The Boy's tics since he started vacation.

His exaggerated blinking was almost non existent. It is now very noticable again and so much so that he has to tip his head down in order to look at you from underneath his eyebrows again. That had disappeared. But it's back.

The other day, hubby noticed that a modified "Spidey Hands" was back (see my 09/11/06 posting). We haven't seen that since...I don't even know.

Verbal tics are back. Mostly that same one I tried (poorly) to describe in a recent post where it almost sounds like he's blowing quickly out of his mouth between words or sentences. I've also noticed a bit of stammering here and there. Or...more like...hesitation in his speech - which isn't normal for him. It sounds like a nervous kid speaking. And he's not a nervous kid. He's a very eloquent speaker usually.

The one that bugged me (or made me nervous) the most showed up for one day and seems to be gone. He was talking to me and I noticed a tiny shake of the head. It was a very slight side-to-side movement kind of like when you're telling someone something that you just can't believe? Like you're shaking your head in disbelief - a slight no. That was over this past weekend. I noticed it for most of a day and haven't really seen it since.

Yes, everything is mild. I'm still thankful for that. But every now and then, I get these moments of panic. I get these visions of what things might grow into. I know I shouldn't worry until there is something to worry about. But anyone who loves a small person knows - you just want to fight off anything that will cause them ridicule. Even without the TS, he will get noticed by the kids who search for difference. Every kid takes their lumps at some point. Those idiot kids will find a reason. But man, big tics are just a giant target sign. Guh!!! It just kills me to think of it.

I gotta get my head out of this state. I have to go pray. See you all later.

A Great Checkup

Well, back to the original intent of this here blog thang.

Today, The Boy went to see his psychiatrist for a checkup. Since he's seen her, he's been having a very mild time of it. (Thank you, God!) I have to say that it was a very nice checkup. She asks him lots of questions. Today, she seemed to be gauging his anxiety levels. He's not a huge worrier but he does tend to worry about things more than most 6 yr olds. It's hard to describe. He's not an anxious kid. But if he needs something to stick to a regimen or schedule, he really needs it to stick. Example: today, we had his doc appointment at 9am. So that meant missing morning school. He asked me when he'd get to school and I said probably some time around 10:30am. He immediately did a mental check of his class schedule and realized he wasn't sure what the class would be doing at 10:30. The class schedule had recently changed and he got pretty upset over the fact that he wasn't sure what they'd be doing at 10:30. Now, if an adult did that, I'd think they had serious problems. When a six yr old does that, I think, wow, they're headed for quite a rigid scheduled life. Anyway, I assured him that he'd find out what the class was doing once he got there and he shouldn't worry about it. He calmed down immediately. And what was so interesting about his self calming? I watched him - it was like he made a mental decision to calm down. I mean, honestly, he was so upset that his fists were balled up and his whole face was scrunched up in that panicky freak out expression we get when we're about to lose it. I thought he was going to flip out. But I watched him get a hold of himself and it was like he said, ok, I can deal with this. And he just calmed down. I thought that was interesting. I wish he could do that every time he was upset. Are you kidding? I wish I could do that every time I was upset!

The only other stuff going on is the continuing exaggerated blinking. It's not real bad these days. And he has this new verbal tic. Hard to describe. I need to start finding a way of embedding sound clips on this site. But it's like, while speaking, he's subconsciously doing this quick blowing out of the mouth but he'll flip his tongue in a way that...I don't know how to describe it. It ends up sounding like if you were pretending to hock a loogie but very softly. I have no other way to describe it. As his doctor pointed out, it's not so severe that you're taken aback. Most people don't seem to notice it. And, those of you that have 4-6 yr old children in your life know that they're all making some kind of noise almost constantly. It's a very experimental age. With most kids, you can tell they're just trying stuff out. With The Boy, you can pretty much tell that he doesn't realize he's doing it and he can't control it. But hey - it's a very mild tic given the spectrum of tics.

The doctor asked if he had been making any progress in his maturity development. He is quite an interesting little guy. He's brilliant and that is very apparent when you meet him. But being incredibly smart doesn't always mean you're mature. And I think that tends to be a problem for The Boy. People meet him and note his ability to communicate way beyond his age. He can read texts that you and I might struggle with. Granted, he won't know what all the words mean, but he can read and write better than a lot of high school students I know. He can add and subtract the most ridiculously large numbers. His hobby is making multiplication charts on the computer - and not using a calculator - using his head. And not just 12 by 12 but 15 by 15 or larger. People experience these things in him and accidentally classify him as an older person than he is. He's so smart, we expect him to be able to function with the maturity of a junior high kid. But he is the quintessential 6 yr old. He loves burping and farting and slapstick humor (wait...that describes most grown men....hmmmm). He loves to dance with wild abandon. He loves to run around large areas until he falls down. He likes to spin until he falls down. He loves Care Bears and could care less how many boys tell him they're just for girls. He will get right up in someone's face, introduce himself and start asking them their name, age, house number, etc. He has no boundaries like an older kid would have.

His doctor said something very interesting today. She said The Boy lives in a very happy world where people are nice and friendly. Where everyone is helpful and loving. It's a beautiful world he lives in. When the real world (or negative aspects of that world) intrude on his world, it's still hard for him to deal with at times. That may be where the anxiety comes in. But we discussed how it's a lovely world The Boy lives in. And it's sad that, some day, he'll need to realize that not everyone is part of that world. I love that part of him because it's part of what makes him so generous and loving. But I fear his world because it's what makes him trust anyone. As his doctor put it, "He knows no strangers." We're teaching him. But I still see the confusion for him. When we try to explain dangers of strangers, why he can't play outside alone, why we can't leave him in the car alone, why he has to stay close to us, why he can't open the door when the doorbell rings, he'll accept our rules. And he'll accept that we're saying there are people out there who aren't all that nice. But I can see that younger mentality wrestling with - how can anyone be mean or dangerous? Everyone is so NICE! It's a normal part of growing up. But I think the point here is, most kids in 1st grade have a much better grip on that caution with the unknown. Not all. But most of the ones I know are not still as trusting as they were when they were 4 or 5.

Boy I'm really rambling here. I don't really have much direction in my thoughts today. I guess The Boy's duality still amazes me: his brilliance that rivals kids much older than him and his youthful trust in the entire world that speaks of a much younger kid. It's wacky. And I love it.

Anyway, I'm thankful that the TS tics are minimal at this point. And his anxiety seems to be at levels that he can control himself. His doctor says she won't need to see him until July 2007 unless something comes up in the mean time. That made me pretty darn happy.

Pray big. Expect miracles. Yah baby!

Another Aside: Christmas Tag

Trish tagged, me! Yes, I've been off my TS subject a lot lately. But that's a good thing. It means there isn't much to report on Liam's TS. Which means it's still very mild. So while we have this little break, here is everything you never wanted to know about me and Christmas:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Now who would be cruel enough to make me choose only one? I mean, is someone standing there with a gun forcing me to choose? I'll take both please.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
The big stuff is assembled and left near the fireplace. Usually with a big-ass bow on it. If it's small enough, it's wrapped under the tree. This was the fireplace last year...

3. Coloured lights on tree/house or white? Classic white. The ornaments add the color. I loved colored lights as a kid but just don't like them now. It's too much. Here's a shot from last year's tree.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No. I'm not into obligatory kissing.

5. When do you put your decorations up? I'm not anal enough about it to have a deadline. That's for people who stress out over holidays. I put them up when I find the time and the spirit (or my kids) move me. In other words, they ain't up yet.

6. What is your favourite holiday dish? "Dish" makes me think main meal stuff. I love it all. And it doesn't have to be the Norman Rockwell turkey dinner. I love my friend's traditional lasagna. I love the turkey/stuffing/gravy/cranberry sauce thing, too. But my absolute favorite (and yes, I spelled it American) is my chocolate chess pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

7. Favourite holiday memory as a child? One year doesn't stand out above the rest. I have a generic memory of me and my sister & brothers all running in to grab our stocking's (each labeled with our names by my mom or Muzzy), emptying them out and freaking out over the loot. Also, mom making home-made cinnamon rolls. Or - going WAY back - when my dad would make his cinnamon toast in the oven. I mean, it was a huge deal and oh-so-special.

8. When did you learn the truth about Santa? I don't know. I just know my brother Middle Bro took great pleasure in telling both Big Sis and me the truth. Not sure what I thought. I don't recall much trauma over the revelation. I'll have to ask my mom.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yup. Growing up, we opened our Muzzy gift (from my mom's mom, aka - Muzzy). But lately, we open our ornaments. Everyone gets one each Christmas. Which reminds me, we're gonna need a bigger tree...

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Well, this year, the first thing we'll do is check our fake (yes FAKE - get over it) tree for brown recluse spiders. If I find one, I will promptly scream and possibly curse. Then I'll spray the whole tree with any deadly chemical I can get my hands on. Bug spray, hair spray, that perfume some lady was wearing at the Dixie Chicks concert last night. Whatever works. Then we'll put the ornaments on with the help of my two boys (6 & 3). And then I'll reposition everything the boys did. Yah...that's about it.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Loved it when I rented and our landlord was responsible for snow removal. Loved it with much griping once I rented and had to split shoveling duty with our upstairs neighbors (the ones who conveniently waited for ME to shovel it). REALLY love it now that I don't have it (sniff).

12. Can you ice skate? Hmmm...once upon a time I was actually very good at it. I'm trying to remember the last time I was on any kind of skates. What decade is this? Yah, I'm thinking it might not be so pretty these days.

13. Do you remember your favourite gift? Cai's arrival on Dec. 22, 2003. (Plus, I got the spa treatement in Boston's Beth Israel for the next 5 days. Mellow stress-free Christmas in post-partum, being waited on hand & foot by an entire nursing staff? Can I go back please?)

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? Being with family (that I like). Hands down.



15. What is your favourite holiday dessert? Refer up to #6. Chocolate Chess Pie - YAH BABY!!!

16. What is your favourite holiday tradition? Watching It's A Wonderful Life, White Christmas and Scrooge (black & white version with Alastair Sim - it's the only one!).

17. What tops your tree? Last year, we had a star that was pretty but a bit too heavy. I want to find something special that will become a tradition for my family but haven't yet.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Trish will think I'm wimping out here but I'm actually being honest. Giving is WAY more fun. I want to win a huge lottery just so I can find all the people from my life that I remember fondly just to hand them envelopes with various sums of money inside. That would just be the BOMB! But selfishly? When I give, I just LOVE watching people react (usually it's when they react in a positive manner that I like).

19. What is your favourite Christmas song? Well, I love the drama of the "Oh Holy Night" but hate when people have to totally over do it. But I love so many of them it would be hard to pick just one.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Not a fan.

There it is. More than you ever wanted to know.

I'm tagging Kendra, Monica & Donny. Mostly because they're the only other bloggers I know!

An Aside: What Are You Thankful For?

While I might mention TS in this post, it's not really specifically about TS. But in the spirit of Thanksgiving Eve (a day I made up but love), I'm going to post some things I'm thankful for. And I'm going to tag my other blogger friends to post the same.

Now here's the rub. I want people to come up with at least 5 things (10 would be better). And really think. Don't just list a bunch of objects or obvious things. Really think about it. Maybe you'll throw on some seemingly tiny things that you take for granted every day. Maybe it's something you haven't thought about in years. Maybe it's something common but I want to hear WHY you're thankful. But just think about it.

OK...let's get to it!

1. My health. Might seem like an obvious one I just told you to avoid. But here's how I'm thinking about this one. Yah, I'm generally healthy. But recently, I wasn't able to walk well due to a pulled foot muscle. And I thought, man, if I was missing just one of my feet, ordinary things would be so hard. Like driving. Or being able to jump up, run and grab my toddler out of harm's way. Imagine missing just ONE of your normal body parts. Even a finger would change how you had to do all sorts of daily tasks we don't have to think about. I can see, hear, smell, taste, feel. I have both legs, arms, all of my body parts that haven't already been surgically removed. I can see my boys, hear their laughs, hug them fully. That right there is just tops.
2. God loves me and listens to me. Sound dumb? Think about it. And for the sake of this one-sided conversation, pretend you believe that there is an all powerful god. Now think about this...that god cares about ME - about every single one of us. And when I call out to that god, he listens and really cares about what I'm saying. And trust me - I am not a wordsmith. I'm not eloquent. And what I love? I don't have to be. There are some times I just sit there going, "God, I don't even know what to say!" I talk to him like I talk to anyone else. He gets me. Even if I just grunt. I don't know about you, but when the creator of the universe tells you he loves you and listens to you, that blows my mind.
3. Prosperity: I was recently told that the biblical definition of prosperity is that you have enough to meet your obligations and still have enough to give away. That's a very different definition than popular culture has given me. So, based on that definition, I'm filthy rich. I have enough to feed, cloth & house my family. Enough to send them to safe schools. Enough to pay my creditors. There's the obligations. But I have enough to have a little fun, too. I can buy a CD, DVD, toy, whatever, here and there. We can go out to eat here and there. That's icing on the cake. And I can give to charities, my church, friends and family. I mean, I don't have a Bentley, a Jaguar or a Hummer. I don't live in the biggest house. I don't have money coming out of my nose. But man, I sure have more than enough.
4. Family. This could be a whole other list...a whole other blog! I grew up in a great family (E.s.t.e.s family). The extended family, while distant, was a huge part of my life. And continues to be so. I have 3 amazing newphews from my E.s.t.e.s brothers. In 1978, I got a step-family (Jones family). We went through hell together until we got over ourselves and grew up. From them, I have 6 beautiful nieces and nephews. My birth-mom found me when I was 20 and I know and love her whole family (Ledgerwood family). She brought 3 siblings into my life and I have a gorgeous niece & nephew from them. She also found my birth-dad for me and I am close to a couple of cousins (Fegley family). I also have a sister from him and 2 nieces. Then my own little family - the most patient loyal husband. And the most gorgeous little boys I could ever have imagined having. Hubby's sister is also one of my best friends and she gave us a niece and 2 nephews. If I really got into the details, we'd be here all day.
5. I have a job. Yes, I kvetch about it all the time. But I work for a large financial institution that is relatively stable. I have somehow survived in the same job for 20 yrs and have missed countless blanket layoffs in the company. I hate the pressure of my job but the people I work with are cream-of-the-crop. Some of them are friends outside of work. And the job affords us this great house & community, Hubby stays home to raise our kids and also #3 above.
6. I love my church. How long has it been since I could honestly and excitedly say THAT? I grew up going to churches. And I enjoyed them all to some degree. But man, I have never been excited to get up and get there. I have never felt such a desire to participate. Honestly, whenever they have an announcement like, "We need help doing [fill in the task]," I'm immediately sitting there figuring out how I can fill the need. Sure, they need an experienced lumberjack...could I somehow take lumberjack lessons in time??? It's really amazing to me. Because, about 3 years ago, you couldn't drag me to church. But I found a group of true God-people. A collection of imperfect people all trying to get to God and figuring it all out together. No one shoving dogma down my throat. No one pretending to have all the answers. No one scowling and pointing a finger if I miss a meeting. It rocks.
7. I love chocolate chess pies. And I have to thank Lou Kerby for giving mom the recipe all those years ago and making it a part of my childhood. I grew up thinking it was a Muzzy recipe. But it's from Lou. And I've turned on everyone I knew in the Boston area to these pies. They're all bumming that I live down in Texas now. But I left the recipe in very capable hands and hope there will be pies a-plenty in Boston, even without me. Now, down here, our division is complete and all houses are filled. I've already made 8 chocolate chess pies and have handed out 7 of them (we ate the other one). I'm planning on making about 10 more today. I'll be keeping 3 for tomorrow and handing out the others. Sounds a bit too Donna-Reed-ish to be me, I know. But I moved down here not knowing a soul. Now, one of my neighbors recently commented, "You know EVERYone." Yah. Pies will do that.
8. I'm warming up to the mild Texas fall/winter weather. Last year, Hubby and I were rather upset at how warm it was on Thansgiving and that we put our Christmas tree up in 83 degree weather (wearing shorts and sweating). While I miss the classic New England change of seasons, I'm kind of digging the fact that I just ran to CVS this morning in shorts. I didn't have to bundle up in 952 layers just to walk to the car. I miss being able to count on seeing snow every year. But that just gives me an excuse to bring my family back to Boston in the winter.
9. I have a pet-free house. Now, this one is a weird one. This past July, we lost our last kitty. Well, he died. And I know where his ashes are so "lost" is a euphemism (I explain this because The Boy just read this one and pointed out my error). Honestly, I can't think of a time when there wasn't some kind of pet in my house or apartment. So I'm sad, missing the companionship and fuzziness of a kitty or two. However...referring to #7 above, I made 4 chocolate chess pies and sat them to cool on the counters. And I walked away! When I returned, there were no overturned pies on the floor, no pies with little kitty paw shaped divets missing, no nibbled crust edges. I mean, I can leave an entire Thanksgiving meal on the table without posting 4 guards. No cat litter to scoop. No hair to pull off of everything. In an odd way, it's a good thing.
10. I am so glad I live in America. Yah, we have a lot of people around the world that think we suck. I get that. I get that we actually DO suck at times. But when I can put my kids to bed at night and the biggest thing they have to worry about is where their favorite toy is in their bed? Yah, I'll take that. All those freedoms we have blow my mind. I mean, I can walk or drive down the road without fear of being killed. Oh sure, I might have an accident or something. But in general, the majority of us don't have to worry about dying everytime we leave the house. Yah, I'll take that, too.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I mean, that's all I have the time for. The Boy is waiting for his turn at the computer. And Lil Bro has already called his turn after The Boy. So I better free this thing up before I have a mutiny on my hands. Yah, if that's the size of the conflicts I have in my life? Life is good.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mom Stress Increases Tics...Who Knew!

All is well in the land of The Boy. He's still doing quite fine and his tics are very mild still. Interestingly enough, both my husband and sister noticed lately that even his exaggerated blinking & eye rolling has been less noticable. I hadn't really thought about it. But his sleep has been good and the tics have been...well...not evident. That freaking ROCKS.

About the sleep - one thing I figured is, if it's not related to TS, what could make him have trouble sleeping? Lately, we've been trying to get that kid outside and running like a rabbit on crack as often as we can. That helps. Not that we keep him locked in a closet. But once he's home from school, there is homework, some computer time, playing inside with his brother, reading, dinner, etc. By the time you think, oh yah, let's run him ragged, it's time to get him in bed. So we're trying to make sure he can get outside with the other kids or just in the back yard. It's helping.

Now, having said that the tics have been less noticable, I guess I jinxed myself. Or my PMS jinxed it. Today, I had one of those days where I wanted to put my fist through a wall if you said hi to me at the wrong time. Those are lovely days, aren't they? Yes. Well, my lucky children get to deal with the banshee-from-hell if hubby isn't in throw-himself-in-front-of-the-train mode. Unfortunately, he was having a bit of a frustration day himself. Kids that are really into testing limits can really push your buttons on those days. Don't get me wrong. I'm not hitting anyone. I'm not screaming obcenities. I'm not locking anyone in closets, rooms or garages. I'm yelling when angry. And it's usually way out of proportion for the offense the kids have done. I mean, when an almost-3-yr-old is flipping out because his 6 yr old brother has touched a toy that said almost-3-yr-old has deemed as "his" (along with every other toy in the world), you should cut him a little slack. He's almost three. Last time I checked, that meant that he should be fulfilling the freaking-out-at-the-drop-of-a-hat portion of his toddler contract. And he was doing a bang up job. But I lost it and yelled and had to physically pull him away from the 6 yr old. And earlier, the 6 yr old wasn't listening to anything and was arguing over and over about the same issue that had already been answered by mom over and over. So I lost it and yelled. This pattern repeated itself in the time that the 6 yr old got home from school enough times to...(drum roll please)...make his tics not only reappear but INCREASE.

Yeah mom.

So yah. This afternoon and evening, we had lots of exaggerated blinking, eye rolling and 2 new verbal noise tics.

So if anyone asks you, "Hey, do you think stress can bring on or increase the frequency of a Tourette's kid's tics?" you can answer in a very informed manner, "You're damned SKIPPY they can!"

I know we'll all get over it and tomorrow will be a better day. But at this very moment? I suck.

Interrupted Sleep - Again

I want to post this so I don't forget it. The Boy has had some interrupted sleep here and there. Once due to cold medicine. But recently, we've had 2 episodes that are very similar and just not anything I've ever dealt with.

Tonight, we had just finished watching our DVR'd episode of NBC's 'Heroes' when we heard him come down the stairs (on a tangent here - LOVE this show!!). The Boy came down extremely agitated. When we got him to stand still at the couch, he was not making a lot of sense. I wasn't sure he was fully awake at first and still am not sure about that point. He was first crying saying he needed a snack because his tummy didn't feel good - at 10pm, that didn't make any sense to us. He said maybe it was the candy (Halloween) but I have to tell you, he had ONE lollipop tonight. One.

But I wish I had a video of how he was crying. He wasn't so much crying with tears and boo-hoo and all that. But he was agitated to the point of hysteria. His hands were in balled fists, every muscle in him was tense. I tried to sit him on my lap - a normal comforting tool I use with him with great success. But he was so stiff and tense, he pushed away from me and stood up. But then he seemed poised to just...I don't know...run or something. I told Hubby, it almost seemed like he was in that fight or flight adrenaline rush. His heart was pounding out of his chest. We kept asking him what happened, did he have a bad dream, did he feel sick, etc? But he couldn't tell us. Finally he said, "I don't like today!" and we said why and he said, "Because of THIS!" We asked what "this" is and he said "I just can't explain it!" with shaking fists of frustration. We asked him if he was awake and he said yes. Hubby asked him if something had woken him up and scared him or if he had woken up, not been able to get back to sleep and then gotten upset because of that. He said it was closer to the last thing. He was a bit calmer and Hubby, at this point, was able to remind him that most people wake up at night and it's ok. If it upsets him, he can always talk to God about it or take some deep breaths. He also reaffirmed that it's perfectly ok for him to come find us if he can't settle down.

He finally settled down enough for me to sit him in my lap. I talked calmly to him and asked if I could hug him. Once I did that, he seemed to relax and melt into me. His heart rate had finally settled down, too. We got him to try a bit of milk but he really only had a couple of sips. Then he laid down on the couch and started falling asleep. I laid down with him and rubbed his head, kissed him, told him we loved him. He was asleep very quickly.

I really have no idea what this is about. This absolute panic and racing heart thing happened a few nights ago or last week - can't recall. I don't recall what happened - oh yah. I was sick and in my room so I got there much quicker than normal. I met him in the hall and he had that same absolutely freaked out look, tensed muscles, real panicky stance and that incredibly racing heart. We got him calmed down in my room pretty quick but the intensity of his agitation was just scary.

I have no idea if this is Tourette's or related to his anxiety. Is this just The Boy's version of night terrors? Tonight, because of Halloween, he went to bed late. He was very concerned with whether he'd make the bus in the morning, could I drive him in so he could sleep later, but if I let him sleep in he didn't want me to bring him to school between this time and that because no one would be in his classroom at that time as they'd all be at their specials (music, art, gym, etc). This is the type of scheduling that The Boy keeps in his head all the time and he's very upset when his routine is thrown off.

So...I'm writing this down while it's fresh because I can never remember it clearly 4 weeks later when we meet with the psychiatrist. I might even send her an email to see if this concerns her. I really really hope The Boy isn't going to develop any sleep disorders. I know they're common with TS. But, like most things, I don't want to start any self-fulfilling prophecies here.

Other than that, Halloween was awesome. The Boy's first year going door-to-door. He never wanted to before this. He and Lil Bro had a blast. We have way too much candy left over. Why isn't there a food bank where you can donate candy?

The Boy's Letter in 'That Darn Tic'

I had to share this. The Boy makes me so stinkin' proud. He wrote this letter to the TSA a while ago and it is finally in their kids' newsletter. His gorgeous little face is right on the front page!

Enjoy...

An Interesting Dinner with The Boy

Tonight, hubby and I were feeling especially lazy when it came time to make dinner. Trust me, this is no new revelation. We always feel this way when it comes time to make dinner. But tonight, we were feeling whiney enough to actually throw financial prudence to the wind, pack up the kids and head to Luby's. I could write an entire blog about how much I love this place but I digress.

We got to Luby's, went through the cafeteria style line (yes, I said cafeteria-style, get over it), paid, got to our table and all dug in to our bounty. YUM! The Boy ate a little but he kept chewing a bite and then spitting it into his hand. Sometimes he does this if he took too big of a bite. Our usual response is, just put it on the side of your plate and take smaller bites, ok bud? Tonight, however, it wasn't just once or twice. I don't think he got more than a few bites to actually go down. He told us that he has to do it. His body was telling him to spit it out. Now, he and I have been feeling a bit punky in the GI tract for the last couple of days. So I just don't know if this is a tummy bug thing or a TS thing. I asked him if he thinks it's a TS thing but he wasn't sure. So hubby reminded him that he can control a lot of his other tics and he should give it a shot with this one. I thought that was pretty cool - because hubby suggested that very matter-of-factly. But he wasn't able to eat any more.

So a teeny part of me is worried. But the larger punky-GI-tract part of me is sympathetic and assuming it's the tummy bug. Once his intestines stablize, I'll have to keep an eye on this type of thing - to see if it happens again. I'm hoping it doesn't - hoping it's the tummy bug. Because, honestly, how would I get a kid to eat if his body is telling him to spit it all out? For now, I won't even GO there.

One hint that we're fine: he had NO problem eating his Jello!

Taking on the "Tag"

Ok. Another non-TS aside: Trish has tagged me with a fun task and I have taken her tag.

She asked me to list "Five things I probably wouldn't mention at a cocktail party." As I noted on her site, I probably wouldn't be at a cocktail party unless the host was hip enough to consider Dr. Pepper as a cocktail. But that aside, yah, I can probably come up with 5 things that don't ordinarily cross the "small talk" boundaries. And honestly - as Trish already pointed out in her blog, is that really all we want to know about someone? Let me quote her here because she's just that quotable:
"We get caught up in the dullest conversations - 'What do you do?' 'Where did you go to school?' 'How old are your kids?' And we rarely move on to the juicy fun stuff that rounds out the edges of our lives and differentiates us from all the other people who share our job/school/rate of reproduction."

I doubt I can come up with anything that any of my regular members and readers didn't already know. And I must be careful here because there is a fine line between the task at hand and "too much information". No need to dredge up horrible past acts that will drive potential new friends away in droves. So I'll leave out my years spent as a dominatrix (for the record, mom, THAT'S a joke!).

1. I'm a music lover that hates pretty much all radio except KLOVE. Now, to my Christian friends and family, that's not all that interesting. To my friends who knew me in the Boston rock & club scene, I think that would not only be interesting but highly amusing. While I was never a horribly debauched "scenester"...it wasn't exactly a sweet and loving persona I was putting out there. Anyway, I just don't have time to waste on music that isn't going to say something important or to lift me out of the valleys I periodically hit. (I say this as The Newsboys are singing "Amazing Love" on said radio.)
2. Old news to most that know me but never fails to start a long and interesting conversation: I'm adopted and know my birth-family. That's a biggy and can still give me chills when I tell the story of how April (my birth-mom) found me.
3. One of my "if money weren't an issue" dreams: to own and operate a country inn like the one in White Christmas. I would love to run a huge country inn in Vermont or somewhere like that. I'd have to hook up with someone who knows the business end. But I'd want to run the house and kitchen. Because you KNOW it would have a fabulous restaurant that would draw people off season. And it would be famous for the artery-clogging chocolate chess pie. And we'd have live entertainment - old school. I'd reincarnate Bing & Rosemary, man!
4. One of my other "if money weren't an issue" dreams: to record all of my songs and a ton of hymns. I actually really want to do this one. I have a bunch of songs I wrote during my Boston music time that are just collecting dust. I'd love to record them with all of my musician friends as guest musicians. And I'd have my producer friends all do the production and my artist friends do the cover. Yah. I want to do that.
5. And once I dropped that one, it would easily lead into the fact that I'm a singer who has done everything from singing to huge churches, opened for a big Boston hard rock band to a crowd of probably 3000, sang with the lead singer of said big band in a few Boston Rock Opera shows, to singing my lungs out currently at my church (apologies to the ear drums of those that sit in front of me). I've been Jacob Marley, Krishna, a drunken apostle, Simon Zealots, an activist, a priest, a Transylvanian, one of the 3 fates, one of 3 witches...it's been fun and nutty. That usually gets conversations going.

So Trish...how'd I do?

Just Checking In...

I have no real updates, revelations, epiphanies or anything really regarding The Boy. Which is good. I am glad that all I have to write about him is, he's gorgeous, smart, funny, a giant pain in the ass, and the most wonderful six-year-old that's ever been ripped from my abdomen.

One thing I was pondering today: Isn't it funny how most humans have a desperate need to know exactly why something happened? Or where it came from? I'm speaking about the thing almost all of us do. Most people try to trace all genetic traits back to this side of the family or that. Good or bad. We're always trying to connect the dots. As an adoptee, I am particularly guilty of doing this. But, as an adoptee, I've always thought it was just us "disconnected" adoptees who did this. However, from the moment I knew I was pregnant, the practice began. And it came from all sides.

As soon as the kid is born, we're trying to peg exactly from whence came the nose, eyes, ears, toes, eyes, texture of poo. It's insane. Everyone does it. (I have a theory that all the post-partum nurses just say things like, "Oh, he looks JUST like [insert you/dad/any other relative in the room]!" Just as they're trained to tell every mother that hers is the CUTEST baby on the ward. I've seen a lot of newborns. Those nurses lie about 73% of the time.)

It happens at all ages. Not just with babies. My sister and I are both adopted and are like polar opposites. She's the tall, lithe, blond-blue-eyed nordic queen. I'm a dark haired, brown eyed hobbit. And seriously, I've had people say things like, "Oh yah...I see it now!" in response to me saying she's my sister. Oh yah...I see it now...you look...NOTHING AT ALL ALIKE.

Yah, so, I was thinking about this. Because, even with the "bad" traits - everything from hammer thumbs to wide Fred-Flintstone-feet to TS - I'm amazed at how quickly people want to claim it as from "Their Side". I find it odd because, well, when The Boy was born and we discovered he had renal reflux, I cried and went through lots of guilt. I had it as a child and went through tons of tests and surgeries and almost died a few times (cue violins). Fun stuff, that. So of course, even though The Boy came 35 yrs later (ie - medicine probably has a better grip on this now), I just assumed his fate was the same. And shame on me for reproducing and saddling my child with such bad genes and it's all my fault and woe is me. It didn't last long because my husband is wonderful and snapped me out of it. But it happened. And guilt like that happens all the time when there's any kind of non-desirable trait that pops up in a wee bairne. So...my point...what the heck was my point here? Oh right. So with this Tourette's thing, yah, genetically, it could have come from anywhere. And at this stage in my life, I'm very much at the point of "who cares, let's just deal with it." So I pretty much assumed it came from my side since my half-brother had it. Kind of a done deal in my head as far as the genetic tree branch from whence it came. So today, I got an email from my dad-in-law and he was theorizing that it might have come from his side. He has also claimed responsibility for some temper tantrums and other less-than-desirable traits. I just found that funny. Most granparents are claiming the cute humor, the genius factor, the good looks, the whatever-is-good trait.

But as I thought about it, it brought me back to that desire that most of us have to try to connect the genetic dots. And it's not just us adoptees who are just trying to find our roots. I found my roots. I have all my birth family present and accounted for (which could be the subject of a whole other blog!). But I still always try to figure out where everything comes from - who looks like whom, who acts like whom, etc. And everyone else does, too.

Ain't that funny? Or is it just me?

An Aside: They don't KNOW from cold!

Just had to share. I went to my local huge-gantic grocery store today. I have, not surprisingly, made friends with 3 of the regulars behind the deli-meats counter. There is something to be said for when you walk up to the deli, they automatically pull the white American, the muenster and the beef balogna. And of course, on those rare occassions where I don't have both boys with me, I am peppered with "Where are the boys?"

I'm totally off point here.

So, Sweet-Lady-With-Five-Daughters is chatting me up and says, "Are you ready for the cold front tonight?" "Is that hitting tonight?" I ask. "Oh yes," I'm assured. "It's gonna get COLD tonight!" "Really? What's the predicted low?" I ask, knowing I'm about to get the definition of cold from a native Texan. "They say it's going to hit FIFTY!" I turn to Transplanted-Lady-from-Maine and say, "They think fifty is COLD!" and we laugh. If there was any poetic justice at my grocery store, someone from Canada would have walked up and shut me up. Canada KNOWS from cold.

But the Texan definition of cold still cracks me up. Give me a year or so. I'm sure I'll be shivering when it's 70!

Is It TS or Just Being Six?

At this early stage, it's so hard to tell if The Boy is tic'ing or just being a six year old. If you've read previous posts, you'll recall I said something to the effect of, if you put 100 six year olds in a room, most of them would be twitching, twiddling, clicking, grunting or something else. It's like a miniature glance into puberty - your body isn't under your control and you're usually full of incredible amounts of sugar.

So The Boy has allergies. This means sinus drip. This means disgusting stuff dripping down the back of your throat. This means you clear your throat. Constantly. But there are times when you can just tell The Boy is clearing his throat for sinus drip and then there are times you can tell it's not quite under his control. Then there are those times you can't tell which is the cause. But clearing throats doesn't really bug me.

One of the other attributes The Boy tends toward is difficulty in recognizing and implementing social limits. Is this TS or is this just The Boy being The Boy? I know a lot of 6 yr olds that have way too many social limits because of shyness or overbearing parents always tapping them on the shoulder so they can give them that slight disapproving glare that means, "Quit it!" I know a lot of 4 & 5 yr olds that are just as exuberant and in-your-face as The Boy. They haven't picked up on the subtle body language thing yet. Backing away from them just translates to, oh wow, I can step toward you more! I have been led to believe that, by 1st grade, most kids have started recognizing these social signals and are getting better at understanding and implementing boundaries. So, The Boy is a bit behind in this. Or so I'm told. I might just be being a typical blinded-by-love mom here, but I like innocent exuberance better than kids that are afraid to do anything because they're afraid they'll screw something up or get a tap and a glare. I dunno. This of course is coming from someone that used to walk up to people and say, "You and I seem to have [fill in subject here] in common. We should be friends." I have made quite a few good friends that way.

The blinking and eye rolling is still happening and it's definitely not under his control. But there are just certain sounds he makes that I'm not ready to chalk up to TS every time I hear them. There is an interesting little squeaky noise he makes when peeing that cracks me up. But again, I'm not ready to wave the TS flag at that one.

On another note, I have way too much saved on my DVR. One of the things I have saved is the HBO documentary "I Have Tourette's But Tourette's Doesn't Have Me". I mentioned this before. I had decided not to show it to The Boy because the kids in there range from very mild to very severe cases. I didn't want The Boy to think, oh, this is what must happen to me. So it's still on the DVR because Hubby wants to check it out. SO...the other day, we're scrolling through our recorded items list to find something for The Boy and he sees that title. "What's that?" he asked. So I told him about it. He wanted to watch it. I was hesitant but thought, why not. So he watched it. I asked him what he thought and he told me he wasn't very interested. If "not interested" means his eyes never left the TV and he stayed to watch the whole thing, then yah, he must not have been very interested. It's a great documentary but is hard because some of the kids explain that they have a really hard time at school or socially or whatever. Some of the home video makes you wonder how some families survive this. But The Boy watched it and hasn't had any questions since then. But I have to tell you what a sap I am. At the end, they wrap things up and then give you little updates on each of the kids you saw. And while they're doing this with pictures and text, they're playing this version of "Tomorrow" from Annie. A song I learned to hate long ago because I grew up in the NY/CT/NJ tri-state area and had to listen to commercials for "Annie" on broadway ALL the time. But this version was really good and it fit the update so much and I sat there watching my son who has TS as he's watching the updates with lots of interest. And it was just all too much for me. It's one thing to watch a documentary like that by yourself. But watching my kid watch it - I don't know how to describe it. I was watching him watch something that may or may not happen to him. I'm sure there is way more fear in ME than in him. But it got me. And I had to walk into the bathroom to cry. I came out to find Hubby doing the same thing. But in the end, we both just grabbed The Boy and hugged him and told him he's so awesome and he wiggled away to go do computer time, wondering, "Why are my parents so weird?"

Happy 10th Anniversary!!!

Just had to share that today is the 10th anniversary of Hubby's and my wedding.

Hubby said to me today, "Who would have thought back then that we'd be living in Texas in 10 years!" Yah, that was definitely not in the original plans. Two adorable boys weren't quite in our sites either. The "kids" thing was definitely still a "someday" plan back in 1996. Funny how at 30, I still thought I had plenty of time to ponder that one.


Ten years with one of the sweetest, kindest, most loyal men I've ever met. And he gave me two of the most wonderful boys in the WHOLE world.

The Boy & Lil Bro at the playground - circa Oct 2005
How'd I luck out, man? (Thank you, God!)

Gotta Chill Out

So...I was up in Boston last week chatting w/ my boss. If you recall from earlier posts, she had TS as a kid and has a rather "twitchy" aspect when under stress. She was asking how The Boy is doing and I told her that mostly, it's just the exaggerated blinking. I told her a few other things that he does that align with the write-ups on TS and she gave me some interesting and good advice: Don't read into all of his actions as having to do with Tourette's. I mean, let me give you some examples. His constant throat clearing...at one point, this was definitely something that was not under his control and it was also not related to anything like sinus drainage or something like that. But now? Since moving to this area, he's dealing with all sorts of allergies. His docs actually confirmed that. So, yah, his throat clearing could be his allergies, TS or both. Who can tell? Another one that the psychiatrist noted was his tendency to echo something someone said. He happened to do it with her - she said, "Follow me. I'm way down at the end of the hall." The Boy followed her singing "Way down at the end of the hall," over and over. Um...if memory serves, I'm pretty sure that was an obnoxious thing I found very funny when I was 5 or 6. And I notice that lots of K and 1st graders tend to do this, if they are of that ilk (wisenheimers). So is that TS or is it just The Boy being a goof. I have to say, I don't see him do that echoing very often. So I'm chalking that one up to goof.

Anyway, I'm not being stupid by thinking everything is just coincidence. But at the same time, I'm trying to chill out on the analysis of every movement or sound. All of my reading has told me that diagnosis of TS at the age of 5 is not the norm. Probably because TS can be progressive and usually gets to the point of someone saying, "OK...that's just not normal" when they're more like 8 or 9. I think The Boy's early diagnosis was fortuitous but also a fluke. If he hadn't told me that his body was making him do this stuff, I would never have noticed most of his actions as anything other than The Boy being The Boy.

So, Hubby and I are trying to let him be a six year old. His blinking and eye movements are still a reminder that TS is there. Some of his noises still remind us, too. But then, some of his noises remind me of experiments most of us were doing with noises in the 1st grade.

Just thought I'd share. Because I was starting to watch everything with too much scrutiny. Making myself nuts. I think I'll save that energy for a time - if it happens - when his TS needs it. For now, I'm the mom of a pretty normal (and as Trish points out - genius) six year old.