I have to be careful what I post about my marriage here. For one, my genius son might read it. And for two, lawyers will use anything against you. Isn't it a lovely world we live in?
So yesterday, my counselor (formerly my marriage counselor but now my solo-counselor) informed me that the stages of grief aren't like a ladder. People list them off like you're supposed to go, "Ok, I'm done with shock. On to denial. Ok, done with denial, on to anger." And that you have to hit them in order or you aren't grieving properly. She said it's more like a swing. You're gonna be all over the place - hitting one then the other, swinging back to one, swinging over to yet another. There is no set pattern. There are no rules. You're allowed to waffle. You're allowed to not know what the hell you're doing.
The only rule is - you HAVE to let yourself feel whatever one you're in at the moment. You have to find a way to afford your feeling it, owning it and letting it go.
Mom is letting me feel whatever I need to feel. She listens, she talks, she shares, she cries. She cares for my boys while I try to work. She vacuumed yesterday. She's giving my boys some semblance of normalcy. Oh the bliss of ignorance, eh?
So the stages of grief: they ain't no ladder. No rules. Just feel them. Thank you all for your kind words. I read every one of them. And I have asked God to bless every single one of you for your faithful love - especially those who have never even met me. You all rock.